People with long commutes more likely to cheat?

[onlychildhamster]

www.google.com/amp/s/www.standard.co.uk/lifestyle/london-life/infidelity-and-the-commuter-why-so-many-london-workers-are-having-affairs-8613554.html%3famp

'I can give one resounding answer to that: in my experience, the biggest threat to monogamy in London is the commuting husband or wife. I have lived in the countryside, in the heart of commuter land, for 13 years and have heard countless stories of commuting infidelity. In fact, I know more commuters who have had or are having affairs than those who aren’t'

'Another friend, Richard, who is in a long-term relationship with Susie, describes commuting as being “soul-destroying”. His journey takes a minimum of two hours to the office and back every day. “I wonder why we ever moved out of London. The trappings have become meaningless for me. At least, when we lived in London, I actually saw Susie and my children. Now I am home so late we don’t do anything like that any more.”

This is an interesting article cos DH and I were discussing this earlier. He has returned to work at canary wharf 5 days a week and he has observed some men in their 50s walking around happily with extremely young skimpily dressed women (DH thinks they are underage prostitutes). Anyway the article has points that sound like excuses to me, of course people will have affairs if they want to, regardless of whether they commute.

BUT I have always wondered why so many men are willing to move 1.5-2 hours away from work. I understand that it is to get a bigger house which benefits the family and all, but perhaps the opportunity to have and maintain an affair is a draw ... If you live outside London, you can even claim that you have to stay overnight as you missed the last train home. That simply wouldn't hold water in London where there are Ubers and night buses.

When I first graduated I had a 2.5hr commute each way. I was on a temporary contract which is why I wasn’t prepared to live closer. I was young and I still had no time or energy for an affair.

However, my relationship with my bf (now DH) was strained due to not spending any time together. When a relationship grows strained, people will use excuses like the commute or the kids, to justify why they cheat. Commuting isn’t the cause of affairs, it’s just the excuse.

You do know women commute too don't you? I'm shocked that you think commuting is a male thing.

I can't imagining commuting somehow encourages anyone to cheat on its own, but perhaps if you have problems in your relationship and you're half way out the door already, then commuting may increase the chances of cheating (if it means you see less of your partner and children / being so far from home means you feel safe from being found out / more excuses for getting home late).

But I'm sure there are much bigger threats. And at the end of the day, someone will only cheat if they want to.

@layladomino according to ONS, it's disproportionately men in the uk -61%..except in London where it's more or less 50/50, I commute too (or at least I did before pandemic). There has been studies on the 'commuting gap' in the UK, it is also linked to lower pay for women as commuters tend to earn more. I guess it has to do with sexism too, as women are more likely to work near the home to juggle childcare.

@layladomino www.ons.gov.uk/employmentandlabourmarket/peopleinwork/employmentandemployeetypes/articles/thecommutinggapmenaccountfor65ofcommuteslastingmorethananhour/2018-11-07

What a hellish life

I swear there was a BBC drama about people who met on their commute having an affair 🤣

I'd be too tired.

BUT I have always wondered why so many men are willing to move 1.5-2 hours away from work

Ime it’s the wives or sahp that drive moves out of cities. They are thinking of schools, a more rural lifestyle for the kids, away from possible trouble etc. Bigger house, a more middle class lifestyle.

But Teresa Difalco had reservations about moving into the house in McMinnville, Ore., because it was 35 miles from where her husband, Anthony Difalco, worked in Beaverton. She thought the 2½ hour roundtrip commute would wear on him

How is a 35 mile journey over an hour and 15 mins?
I’ve even had a look at the map and it isn’t city or particularly built up, two good roads so 35 miles at a steady 60 mph is 35 mins. I don’t think under an hour is a massively long commute..

I think there is a truth to this. After work drinks in Soho or similar does sometimes lead to one thing or another for some people. I believe it's because there is less risk of being found out in a big city / reliving their single days / miss the train so 'oops', they have to stay over or get a hotel.

I have female friends who have met men this way, only for the guys to go quiet after a few months, to later reveal they have a wife and family in the Home Counties.

It's sad, but it happens. And male 'friends' have done this who's wives have absolutely no idea and trust them 100%. I'm not saying women don't do this either, but in my sphere, it seems to mostly be married men with younger single women. By younger, I mean women in their 20s or 30s.

@onlychildhamster I'm not arguing that there are more male commuters, but you asked what makes so many men choose to live so far from home, when there are a lot of women who do the same.

I don't think it's a male-only issue, that's all.

I can see a long commute putting a strain on a relationship.

I don’t really see how commuting itself would cause cheating. One of my colleagues has a long commute (3+ hours) when she’s not wfh. She mainly rushes off straight after work so that she gets home in time to get some sleep. She hardly has time for an affair!