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Original poster

Online chatting is leading no where and I’m sad

12 replies

Talktalkchat · 20/09/2021 23:34

Firstly, this guy has all the hallmarks of a catfisher in a way. We meet on a forum for a shared hobby.

Just started chatting and we would measure endlessly for hours.

He said after a bad experience he wouldn’t show his face etc. He never did in those 5 months.

He introduced me to the type of relationship he wanted and he spoke to me in great depth about it. It’s something I would consider (I won’t share it).

Ultimately I told him we have to stop messaging as it was having a negative affect on my mental health.

Obviously I’m dripping bits of info.

Please just help me willow in sadness.

No I won’t meet anyone else. I have one friend in life, lack of self esteem etc.

OP posts:
BlueMoons90 · 20/09/2021 23:47

I'm sorry OP. I'm glad you had the strength to end things because you knew it was having a negative impact on your mental health - I think that can be the hardest bit, you lose that comfort? Even though it's just online messaging, you do still have that routine and that distraction from everyday life.

You are totally okay to be sad, and I'll give you a hand hold!

Don't completely rule out ever meeting somebody, you really do never know Thanks

Anordinarymum · 20/09/2021 23:53

@Talktalkchat

Firstly, this guy has all the hallmarks of a catfisher in a way. We meet on a forum for a shared hobby.

Just started chatting and we would measure endlessly for hours.

He said after a bad experience he wouldn’t show his face etc. He never did in those 5 months.

He introduced me to the type of relationship he wanted and he spoke to me in great depth about it. It’s something I would consider (I won’t share it).

Ultimately I told him we have to stop messaging as it was having a negative affect on my mental health.

Obviously I’m dripping bits of info.

Please just help me willow in sadness.

No I won’t meet anyone else. I have one friend in life, lack of self esteem etc.

You know he homed in on your weaknesses and led you on don't you? There are some horrible people online who say they are something they are not.

Next time you will be more careful OP.

Take some time to get over what he did. You are allowed to be sad.

Original poster
Talktalkchat · 21/09/2021 00:33

@BlueMoons90

I'm sorry OP. I'm glad you had the strength to end things because you knew it was having a negative impact on your mental health - I think that can be the hardest bit, you lose that comfort? Even though it's just online messaging, you do still have that routine and that distraction from everyday life.

You are totally okay to be sad, and I'll give you a hand hold!

Don't completely rule out ever meeting somebody, you really do never know Thanks

I’ve got severe mental illness so probably not
OP posts:
Original poster
Talktalkchat · 21/09/2021 00:35

@Anordinarymum no he was actually very kind towards me and gave me a lot of encouragement and support.

I’m focusing on the negatives and what he wouldn’t provide for me.

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 21/09/2021 00:41

[quote Talktalkchat]@Anordinarymum no he was actually very kind towards me and gave me a lot of encouragement and support.

I’m focusing on the negatives and what he wouldn’t provide for me.[/quote]
I get that, but the positives were strategies he used to draw you in and let you feel you could confide and place trust in him when he was in fact a liar and a thief because he stole from you.

Duckypoohs · 21/09/2021 00:42

There are all kinds of weird and wonderful relationships people have purely online. I still remember lots of "couples" I met in an online game who had totally separate real lives. Sad that it was negatively affecting you, try to be glad of it for what it was.

BringOnTheOtherWorlders · 21/09/2021 00:43

You did the right thing, although it's sad.
Online relationships or just online chats can really leave you with a false sense of intimacy.
Since you don't really know-know the other person, you can fill in the blanks exactly how you want those facts to be - true or not.

Original poster
Talktalkchat · 21/09/2021 00:55

@BringOnTheOtherWorlders

You did the right thing, although it's sad. Online relationships or just online chats can really leave you with a false sense of intimacy. Since you don't really know-know the other person, you can fill in the blanks exactly how you want those facts to be - true or not.
Yes was a false sense of security as he wouldn’t give me anything about him.

Oh well :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Talktalkchat · 21/09/2021 00:56

@Duckypoohs

There are all kinds of weird and wonderful relationships people have purely online. I still remember lots of "couples" I met in an online game who had totally separate real lives. Sad that it was negatively affecting you, try to be glad of it for what it was.
Yes I can’t work out what was affecting me so badly about it all.
OP posts:
Original poster
Talktalkchat · 21/09/2021 01:10

@Anordinarymum not sure I agree

OP posts:
DrSbaitso · 21/09/2021 10:29

I don't understand. You know he seemed like a catfisher. He said he wouldn't show his face and he didn't, despite telling you the kind of relationship he wanted (I'm guessing something BDSM related). You talked online but never met, as he always made clear you wouldn't. He had the whole thing set up as fantasy from the start and you knew it. You say you'll never meet anyone else but you never met him either.

For some reason, you were drawn to something that you knew was unreal and dishonest but you still feel like you've lost something, when you never even saw his face or met him.

If you aren't ready for a relationship, you need healthier forms of escapism. Maybe something creative.

Original poster
Talktalkchat · 21/09/2021 10:58

@DrSbaitso

I don't understand. You know he seemed like a catfisher. He said he wouldn't show his face and he didn't, despite telling you the kind of relationship he wanted (I'm guessing something BDSM related). You talked online but never met, as he always made clear you wouldn't. He had the whole thing set up as fantasy from the start and you knew it. You say you'll never meet anyone else but you never met him either.

For some reason, you were drawn to something that you knew was unreal and dishonest but you still feel like you've lost something, when you never even saw his face or met him.

If you aren't ready for a relationship, you need healthier forms of escapism. Maybe something creative.

No it wasn’t BDSM.

Escapism? Nope. He was good about giving advise, when I needed it. I don’t have people in my life like that and even if they were, it’s sometimes not good advise. I would like to keep on talking to him for that reason but it’s better just to cut of contact.

And yes I guess it’s escapism because i didn’t get to meet him etc.

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