Is leaving an abusive marriage with children actually worth it?

[Mydaughterhatesme]

Seriously I’ve had it this evening.

Leave stay it’s all pretty much f**d up.

I may be without him and he maybe nowhere to be seen for years but we share a child and its just a whole other load of issues to deal with.

It’s hard and I’m not sure it’s any less hard or I’ve caused any less damage to my child who is acting out terribly at just 5. I’m tired and stressed with money and the behaviour.

Was it worth it? My daughter basically says she hates me and when she sees daddy she will live with him and not me.

I'm kinda wondering how she knows her dad was a bully and uses that language? She would of been 2 or 3 when you split? Could it be that it has been mentioned to her a bit too much, and with too much detail how her dad was? There are some things that don't need to be said, adult relationship details being one of them. At her age, mum and dad didn't get on would be enough, it sounds though like she is just repeating back what she has been told.
I hope the not getting gerbils, is a 'not yet until you behave' as to go as far as to buy a cage and then renague on it would likely backfire in the long run and become an unpleasant lasting memory for her. Give her time, her Dad will become more in the background and as she gets older, she will appreciate all you do for her.

She came home from school having learnt about bullying and just said daddy is a bully isn’t he. She calls anyone a bully when she is annoyed with them. She remembers exactly how he behaved without any input from me. Cafcass gave me a list of things to tell her when I got help.

The no gerbils is temporary until the not doing anything she is asked and reacting with anger changes a bit.

You say you left years ago and also that your daughter is only 5. What age was she when you left?

@Mydaughterhatesme

She came home from school having learnt about bullying and just said daddy is a bully isn’t he. She calls anyone a bully when she is annoyed with them. She remembers exactly how he behaved without any input from me. Cafcass gave me a list of things to tell her when I got help.

The no gerbils is temporary until the not doing anything she is asked and reacting with anger changes a bit.

She is five She is struggling as well Don't punish her Seek some help and support via g p Or ask school to refer you to someone who can help you She is not your ex She is a small child She is not doing this to get at you Behaviour in chikd us communication but She us not communicating hate gor you but need to be loved znd accepted and her loss of a dad

I will try harder. Its hard and I find it hard to be repeatedly told I hate you over every single thing I ask her to do. I’ve had it since she got home because I said no sweets and then to wash hands and then to have dinner, have a bath, read before bedtime….

Today she swung her finger left to right and said hmmm do I love you or hate you let’s see where the finger points. I just said well I love you and ignored it but it hurts.

I will try harder though.

Don't let her wind you up
She is five
You the adult
Ignore

Praise good behaviour nice eating goid brush ing teeth

Get some counselling

She doesn’t hate you. You are her safe space. No abuse in our house but my DD says she hates me now and then. Mostly she growls at me and flounces off. I love her, she loves me but everyone needs someone to be grumpy with now and then when the world is hard.

Op the thing I learnt (two tricky sons to handle post split) is that you are her safe space

So when she tells you she hates you …
Don’t react ! she isn’t like your ex and she isn’t abusing you
She just struggling and has strong emotions she can’t articulate or even understand

Read up about love bombing and non violent resistence

It’s really helped me , so when my son tells me he hates me I say ‘oh that’s a pity , I love you ‘

I’d also get her the hamster

I know it’s hard as you confuse her behaviour with your ex , I’ve been there
But it’s NOT the same