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Original poster

Is it better to marry for love or stability?

80 replies

lostperson · 20/09/2021 00:21

On behalf of my friend. Is it better to marry someone who is stable or someone with low income but you love.

OP posts:
thinkbiglittleone · 21/09/2021 13:11

I say love is the most important to marry but I say that as I met my DH when I was younger, he was a hard worker and did ok, but we just love each other and enjoy each others company which is what has made it work so far, I think.

If I were to be looking again when I was a lot older, I would want them to be stable and good company, but I still don't think I would marry or move in with someone I didn't love. I suppose now if it happened I would prefer to just date someone and live alone.

layladomino · 21/09/2021 13:17

Assuming in this context 'stability' means 'money'? (because they are certainly not the same thing)

Always love. OK it's great if you don't have to worry about money. But a love-less marriage is a miserable place to be. I'd rather be struggling financially with the love of my life than miserable and lonely in a big house.

I wouldn't, however, take up with someone who is financially 'unstable' because they can't manage money / hold down a job / have a gambling habit / love beyind their means. Not attractive attibutes and there's a different between being hard up and throwing money away.

So my answer is Love is number 1. But I couldn't fall in love with someone who squanders money or can't hold down a job for any length of time. I'm attracted to reliable, hard working, sensible. Sensible is v sexy to me Smile

Horst · 21/09/2021 13:33

If I was to divorce and marry again. Although I’d likely stay single so whatever but on the off chance.

Money…. Would of done the love with money and that wouldn’t of worked out. Rather cry into my diamonds from boredom than another possible heart break.

Lana07 · 22/09/2021 20:24

@Amboseli

It is possible to have both.
I agree.
Lana07 · 22/09/2021 20:28

@onlychildhamster

I married for love but we were just fresh out of university so neither had any money of our own. But I was probably marrying down as awful as that sounds cos my parents are wealthy and his mum is a single mum whose kids qualified for free school meals. I stayed in Europe to be with him and our early married life was quite unstable, we only had a civil registry marriage- if I had returned home to live with my parents like everyone in my country does, I would have had an easy stable life without any money worries.

But fast forward 6 years and he earns far more than me, I couldn't pay the mortgage without him. Financial circumstances do change.

Did you start earning less because you had children?

Financial circumstances can ONLY change for the better if a person plans his career/business and works hard to achieve it (unless there is a good inheritance or a random 1 in 25 million lottery win).

TheFoundations · 22/09/2021 20:31

If someone is offering you a relationship that lacks either love or stability, why would you want to marry them?

inmyslippers · 22/09/2021 20:33

Neither stay single

Aphrodite31 · 22/09/2021 20:42

Depends what is meant by 'love'.

She can't love the poor guy and marry the rich one. The fact that she loves the poor one probably precludes her ever marrying the rich one now, unless she's a really good actress and properly shallow.

You should only allow yourself to fall in love with rich ones. But of course it doesn't work like that. You fall in love regardless of money.

I couldn't marry for money alone. I'd feel so ashamed, and so wrong.

But I know women who do. And then they just enjoy the stability and fxxk the builder, for example.

I wouldn't suggest that as a plan, although TBH these women have no worries, and great holidays, cars, etc. And I think your concern is that marrying for love with no money might lead anyhow to the stresses of poverty ruining the relationship, however good.

Only answer is marrying for love, and making sure you both have your heads screwed on about the money.

Bluemum73 · 22/09/2021 20:45

I married because he had a massive cock...
he was amazing in bed... in the car.... outside....
In the pool.... in the toilet on the plane to Mallorca.!!

Stakhanovite · 22/09/2021 20:47

Didn't we have this thread a few weeks ago?

afferal · 22/09/2021 20:51

Going to be honest here, I married my DH mainly for stability but he knew this, I was 100% honest. Won't go into details of my life before him (which aren't great at all) but we've been together 21 years and I absolutely love the bones of him now and have done for many years and would 100% stay with him if stability was removed now

novembeer · 23/09/2021 06:56

@Whattheschitt

I need more context please.

Why is said friend in the position to be fielding two marriage proposals?
When you say stable, what constitutes stable?
Same question but for low income?
Does said friend work?
What is their income like?

Low income is 30k renting property and stability guy is 65k has house and all. My friend works too same income as low income guy and she is 37.
Newlife16 · 23/09/2021 09:29

A tricky one... I find myself in a similar dilemma

But I find it hard to make anything stick with someone I do not have genuine feelings for, I cannot be that mercenary.

notamilf · 10/10/2021 21:37

@simonjt 100% true.

EarthSight · 10/10/2021 21:44

@QueenBee52

NOBODY and I mean NOBODY on here .. will ever admit to marrying for Money .. sorry I mean stability 😂
@QueenBee52 Not sure if stability just means money though. Someone who's stable is sensible, doesn't make wild choices on impulse and is able to hold down a full time job where the work is steady. Plenty of people are like that but it doesn't mean they are people to marry for money. They could be on or close to minimum wage and be seen as stable.
Lana07 · 10/10/2021 21:48

@QueenBee52 Not sure if stability just means money though. Someone who's stable is sensible, doesn't make wild choices on impulse and is able to hold down a full time job where the work is steady. Plenty of people are like that but it doesn't mean they are people to marry for money. They could be on or close to minimum wage and be seen as stable.

Yes, I agree.

The question should be: 'Would you choose love or money?'

Lana07 · 10/10/2021 21:49

Though we CAN have both - Love & Money. We do and it's great! :)

My husband is not a millionaire yet:) but there is always a chance.

Lana07 · 10/10/2021 21:51

When I met my husband he was in-between jobs and took 1 year off work to work on his house.

He was a stable middle class.

In the lockdown, he made some smart investments with shares and hopefully has improved his and our finanaces.

notamilf · 10/10/2021 22:34

A sex worker (escort) has sex with a man in exchange for money. The man knows the escort is with him for financial gain only and it's a fair transaction. Any woman who marries a man for money/financial stability instead of love is a sex worker in denial and is conning many people. Only the coldest, most materialistic of bitches marry for money and pretend to be a wife. Normal women couldn't care less if their husband was rich or poor. My advice to your friend would be to get herself on adultwork to sell herself at a price of her choosing and save her poor "low income" boyfriend from spending the rest of his life trying to earn enough to please his spoilt wife

ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 10/10/2021 22:40

Love love love...

I fell in love. Thought he was a bit of a bad boy, I was wrong, he was the best kindest man. And he was bloody good at his job (as was I) so between us we've ended up with plenty of money.

I know it's easy to say, but the money would be worth nothing to me, if I didn't love him.

It's the love that makes me happy. The money makes it all easier. But easy without love is pointless.

tarasmalatarocks · 10/10/2021 22:58

My mother’s advice was that once past 50- it’s lot easier to be miserable in comfort or with enough money behind you to get out — not very cheery I know, but I do understand what she was getting at.

Kintsugi16 · 11/10/2021 07:16

I agree about ‘stability’ in itself not necessarily meaning money, that’s financial stability.
I loved DH when we married and a major reason for that was because he was stable. Money didn’t come into it.

PieMistee · 11/10/2021 07:31

I married for love and stability but no money. DH was skint (young single parent) when I met him but a hard worker, emotionally reliable, and steady. I had also been proposed to by a very well off financial something or other who I liked but no loved so turned him down. We are now (21 years later) not well off but not broke. I still love the bones off him and absolutely wouldn't trade him for a richer model.

IWillFindYou · 11/10/2021 08:15

Stability 💯

I don’t believe love exists.

I find it strange these questions are always aimed at women.
As if men’s intentions for marriage are so pure and innocent.

gannett · 11/10/2021 08:23

Love and stability aren't mutually exclusive. Aim higher, get both.

"Stability" is emotional stability and reliability to me though. DP's sense of calm and my knowledge that he can be my rock are probably the two biggest benefits I get from the relationship.

Marrying for money - well, you do you, I won't judge, but you don't get to complain if you're emotionally unhappy as a result. Oh, and you're a fool if you think wealth means long-term financial stability.