Is this Acceptable?

[EMSKI555]

I was at my sister's 30th birthday meal today with all my relatives. My husband and kids too. My husband for some reason went in a mood. It wasn't terrible but I could see that he was a bit quiet and not that warm to my family. I asked him what was wrong but he said nothing. We went from he meal back to the party and he was still quiet and now more moody. I was of course trying to enjoy the party, have a drink or two and enjoy my family's company. All the party, I could see him with a half pissed off look on his face and he was kicking me under the table to leave. This is my sister's big birthday and I just didnt want to leave. It was only 9pm! Anyway I left with him at 9:30 with the kids who are 13 and 16 years and we all went home. As soon as we got home he got into his joggers and lay on the sofa watching shit TV. I am so sick of his moods and having to walk on eggshells around him. I confronted him and asked him why he was in such a bad mood and he turned it round on me and said I was in the bad mood and he was fine. I get so mad when he does this. I honestly want a divorce but I am so weak and afraid that I can't. Am I overreacting? I sometimes wonder if it's my fault that he is moody. I just want to live a life where I can do what I want when I want and not worry that some misery guts is going to spoil the fun. I could go on but I just feel so annoyed that this was my sisters big night and I won't ever get it back again. I really don't like. him anymore. Can anyone recommend any Facebook groups for divorced people because I need to see that it can work out with a divorce. I feel so pathetic because I feel so trapped and unsure about what to do. Thanks.

1. Its not acceptable
2. you are not over reacting
3. It's not your fault
4. no one should be 'walking on eggshells'

I'm sorry I can't recommend any fb groups, but I know plenty of single/divorced women, with and without kids and they are doing fine. It's not just your sister's birthday you won't get back, it's your life (and your DCs lives)- you deserve to be happy

You do realise this is abuse?;he deliberately ruined an important family occasion for you and manipulated you into leaving early and is now gaslighting you.

What a horrible way to live. Of course you can divorce him, of course you should, and you will do brilliantly without him.

The miserable bastard uses his "moods" to control you, and you simply can't allow this anymore.

@thenewduchessofhastings

You do realise this is abuse?;he deliberately ruined an important family occasion for you and manipulated you into leaving early and is now gaslighting you.

Duchessofhastings has it in one, this is coercive and controlling abuse.

@thenewduchessofhastings

You do realise this is abuse?;he deliberately ruined an important family occasion for you and manipulated you into leaving early and is now gaslighting you.

This.

Why didn't you say to him "go home then I'm staying"?

Because you are being abused by him.

You sound miserable.

Start making plans.

Tell your family the truth.
Ask for help.
Do you work?

Make a plan and get the hell out of this marriage.

Your kids are big.
You can do this.

Keep posting.

He could have gone home on his own and you could have enjoyed the night. He didn't want that though, did he?

I fear the other commenters are right, tbh. BUT to play devil’s advocate: that also sounds like the behaviour of someone with depression and/or social anxiety. He would rather sit about in joggers watching crap tv than socialise, I get exactly like that when I’m depressed (as I’m sure many people do). He doesn’t enjoy things anymore. Again, depressive symptom. Ditto getting irritable and defensive.

Is this behaviour ONLY when it’s YOUR family and friends, or is it all socialising?

I guess you have to look at how he was prior to this? Has he always been like this, but you’ve only just “woken up” to it? Has he changed recently? Does he have other symptoms of depression?

At the end of the day, your happiness has to come first, and you have said you’re unhappy. You deserve happiness, so maybe a divorce IS the best option for you (and FWIW, you will be great on your own! You don’t need him, or any man, to be happy and successful. YOU can do it). But if you want to work on the marriage (which you are obviously not in any way obliged to do), then maybe speaking to the GP about his mental health is a good starting place. A lot of men are in denial at first. Of course he might just be a selfish arsehole, only you can look at his behaviour as a whole and decide that.

In either case, good luck! You can do it :)

"take the kids home then I'm staying it's my sister's 30th grumpy guts, don't wait up I'll get a taxi back"

Why didn't you say this?

I know you might have to put up with a mood the following day but if he realises that his moods are not going to change your behaviour won't they stop?

He sounds like a knob

Imagine yourself having fun at another family party without some man kicking your ankle, sulking and trying to make you leave early. You’ll be so much happier single

My dh does not do well in social situations after a certain length of time. We always agree beforehand that he can go home when he likes but l stay as long as l want. I like parties!! And there is no way l want anyone deciding for me when it's time to go especially in a family situation.
You only know what he is like at other times but for the moment until you decide what to do plan your own life and fun without him dictating.

Horrible and yes abusive/gaslighting.

If he really didn’t want to be there he should have apologised to you and your family, left and maybe offered to pick you all up later not cling on you like an emotional weight until you were forced to leave and then tell you that it was your fault because it was you all along when you are home.

I’m guessing he does this often? Not a way to live. He reminds me of my ex.