Recent counselling and therapy has shown me in a people pleaser. My parents were abusive and I’m getting there with them.
I’ve had several toxic relationships. Don’t want to drip feed. After my ex husband I was single and persuaded my friends to start dating a ‘really nice guy’ they all knew. Let’s call him Eric. Eric claimed to be divorced from his ex wife and indeed he was. He claimed his ex wife was engaged to someone else indeed she was - all verified. But then the abuse started being called names on social media, letters (anon) accusing me of being a whore etc - police involved the whole nine yards. If Course we couldn’t be friends on SM as his ex wife was ‘mad’ then one day it unravelled. She sent me recordings via a third party (she and her family were all blocked on sm) of him begging to get back with her and claimed she was doing it to ‘help me’ etc I met her and indeed he was lying and had exchanged thousands of messages with her that were duplicates of ones with me eg 8am love you babe can’t wait to see you later, you are my whole world you are the light yada yada - copy and paste send to each woman. He had secured security all over my home as he claimed she was stalking me but to her I was a lonely single woman needing his protection (he was in the military) and just a friend sleeping on the couch. Any way it unravelled I aborted the relationship immediately. She wanted to be best mates with me and I thought the whole thing off and blocked them all and changed my number and moved - this was 3 years ago. A year ago he files to take me to court saying he is owed for groceries he brought etc and wanting a slice of my house claims we never were in a relationship and that is going through court. We have had the first hearing in which the judge said no evidence you gave her anything except money got groceries etc he had transferred me £100 and said ‘1/2 Tesco shop xx’ or whatever. So it’s rumbling along. He has said in court papers she is going to appear as a witness that he was in a relationship with her and not me, umm we will see solicitor says not to worry about any of it.
Recently a friend send me a sm message where ex wife has sent her messages asking her to pass them on to me. She wants to check how I am and wish me luck in my court case to bring the ‘bastard’ down. After thinking about it and reading these messages. I deleted the friend who knows her. I friended her - weren’t that close and having changed my number and such like I don’t want to be dragged back into the toxic shit show which is their ‘relationship’ she is still living with fiancé but still seeing her ex (they can’t let each other go).
It’s a strange dynamic.
Having unfriended the only mutual friend. I then received 10 messages on messager from the mutual friend all with her very upset I have unfriended her I have met her twice, been to her house once, she has never been to mine I don’t know her mobile or address and she doesn’t know mine. Mutual friend is sending messages saying ‘don’t understand why you have unfriended me. Elisa is not really a friend of mine and I hadn’t heard from her for 2 years if you don’t want me to forward on the messages I won’t - I can delete her but please add me back ‘ ?? We weren’t close. I just don’t want any contact between me and his ex wife due to the case and also my mental health, she’s now sent me 12 messages in 2 days (?!) she’s trying to friend request my children and other family members. Wtf? I’m assuming ex wife is wanting to know my side of case, or has fallen out with Eric again or whatever but she’s no friend of mine. Lots of veiled threats over the last 4 years eg ‘if the newspaper headline was local whore gets punched would anyone object’ the police logged them all but couldn’t do much as I was never named. Eric would then use this to say she was unhinged and so on?
I assume if I block mutual friend she can’t message me? At the moment she is only defriended? That’s situation one.
Situation 2 I realised through therapy that my oldest and best friend was using me and similar to my parents picks me up and drops me. The example recently was she made me cancel loads of stuff as she announced she was visiting - I did as she told me ‘but I’m your best friend and I need to see you’ and then with less than 24 hours notice she cancelled as something else came up. I was having therapy and called her out on it as she does it all the time and she didn’t like it. She flicked it back on me (she cancelled due to her father putting her under pressure) with a response of ‘you should know of all of us about family pressure’ she knew I was having counselling for trauma and abuse suffered as a child. I could not rebook what I had cancelled and it caused problems for abouts 6 weeks. She wished me happy birthday in august by text I replied thank you. No card no flower nothing. She had also manipulated me into doing her a work favour which I didn’t want to do but had agreed to I did it and emailed her feedback etc and received an email thank you.
Now it is the anniversary of her mums death tomorrow so do I text and acknowledge it (it devastated her) or do I just leave her as she would have done me
I am thinking block and delete on situation 1 - she wants me to explain ‘what she has gone wrong’ etc and ignore situation 2 - be gentle my therapy is going well but I’m having a wobbly