Not over someone after 6 months

[rainy2018]

6 months since we last saw each other, and I still don’t feel over it at all. We’ve spoken sporadically since then, because we have mutual friends, but I don’t feel ‘healed’ from the break up or over them at all.

How long do these things take I don’t want to carry around the sadness for years. But never loved someone like this before.

6 months is still early days for a significant relationship OP. Keep putting one foot in front of the other

Thanks @OrangeTortoise, thats nice to hear. the first couple of months were definitely the hardest, but I’ve been doing all the ‘right’ things, focusing on looking after myself, being healthy, and spending time with friends and family.

But my heart literally aches sometimes!

I found as well as time it's related to specific events such as realising something about the person or meeting someone else you really fancy !

How long were you dating? If a long time and/or it was serious 6 months isn’t very long, especially if you were dumped.

Would seek to avoid all contact for a while.

Are you ok day to day, mental health wise? If not, would focus on feeling better and seek help. I once got really depressed after my first long relationship and didn’t seek help, which contributed to poor MH and some bad relationship and life choices for at least a couple of years.

They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I find the opposite is true with break-ups! Can we ask for what reasons the relationship ended? Perhaps it’s just me but I find it really helpful to remind myself of the reasons why you are better without them. Many of these may not be apparent until afterwards, and they can be as small or as large as you like. E.g we had v differing views on religion which were a cause of friction, or I couldn’t stand the sight and sound of him eating. Make a list even!

I think it can take over a year, you have to have done all the firsts without them, first summer without, first birthday without, valentines, etc, etc.
Be gentle on yourself.

Depends on the intensity of the relationship. My longest was 2 years to get over a 2 year relationship. He totally fucked me up.

It's taken 3 years for me to feel fully healed and ready to start dating again, time is a great healer but I cut off any contact otherwise I don't think I would have ever felt healed or over it.

Three years for me. (For a 1yr thing...we weren't even dating...! Or physically intimate)

If that is a 'taster' of what the repercussions are from an actual relationship I think I'll pass 😂😂

OP, the day will come when he doesn't even matter anymore. Keep doing things for you, even if you are hurting in the background.

I hurt deeplyvfor those three years but I also did a lot of things during that time that I am proud of.

...(And as a result look back on that time with a weird Cosy fondness of a time when I healed my heart and took care of myself and did amazing stuff all at the same time).

It takes as long as it takes. It's important not to beat yourself up or think there's something wrong with you because it's taking a long time. Let yourself be how you are. It will pass. Keep nurturing yourself.

The last stage before being over it is being really really fed up with not being over it.

My breakup happened earlier this year after over 4 years together. It's only in the last 6 weeks or so that the tears have stopped. I still think about it a lot but am starting to feel a bit numb/ indifferent. I did speak to a counsellor a couple of times who told me it's likely to be a year before I feel completely over him. Even though I'm doing better, I'm kind of dreading Christmas. I'd never go back to him, the breakup was cold and unexpected, but it takes time, much longer than I expected.

Keeping in contact makes it worse in my experience, I'd be fine then he would text and it would drag all the emotions to the surface again. It took me a long time but I eventually blocked him.
I could never be with him again because of his actions so there is no point letting him be able to contact me and upset me again.
For a while when he texted asking for another chance it made me feel better knowing he still "cared", but eventually I would get a knot in my stomach when his name pinged up on my phone.
I was with him for 4 years so I don't know exactly when I'll fully heal, but when I'm having a weak moment of wanting to message him, I write it in my notes on my phone to get it out of my system. I've also got a list of everything he did on there too. Rereading that reaffirms to me that I did the right thing instead of remembering the good times through rose tinted glasses.
It's a day by day thing but I try to see the positive, less stress, thinking about myself for a change, way better off financially.
Take this time and invest in yourself.

P.s get a break up song list going, I kind of a fuck you anthems list. Changing your mindset with music is quite empowering. I highly recommend Beyoncé and the epitome of fuck you songs for me is Mcalmond and Butlers "yes"!

@pheonixrebirth OMG yes

Paloma Faith's music was like a big sister to me during that time

I got over him in the end! it feels great 😊

Yay! Atta girl @rainy2018 hope you're having a fun summer.