Would you be annoyed? Is this a break up offence?

[KittyScratch]

Basically the partner lost his job last year because of the government lockdown closures. He handled it reasonably well. It didn't look like he was down or depressed. He kept busy. He was doing odd jobs for neighbours like handy man stuff on the side along with the pandemic payment.

He got new work in a bar. His new schedule meant a completely different schedule to mine so much so that we don't even share one day off together in a week or even a month. All summer long it's been work, work, work for him. I was working too and I had my fair share of a though and intense schedule. I am in work when he has his days off during the week and I have weekends off and he's working. I tried to make the most of our situation and made do with the little pockets of time we do have but it is getting harder for me now. I tried to be supportive too with my partner and I am usually a positive person.

Things are now going up in the air for us.

We were invited to a function for next weekend. I mentioned it to him to see if he can get the day off. It would be nice to spend a day together. He got back to me yesterday and he said that he has the day off. I was delighted. Finally a day off together. Then when we were chatting on the phone this morning, he's gone back on it now. He made up an excuse about work saying there's other staff who wants the day off and there's a function in his place and it will be busy. He's not a manager by the way where he organises other peoples days and days off.

I'm absolutely gutted with him going back on it. I'm gutted because he can't give me one day.

In my mind I'm thinking about calling it a day with him. He can marry his job considering he loves it so much.

I suppose I'm looking for reassuring that I'm not being too hasty.

It will be Christmas before we know it and before I know it it will be 6 months without sharing a day together.

All because he loves his job more than me.

Do you live together?

Not my dh but my ds is like this. Over and above (imo) committed to his job at the expense of a life away from the place.
Ime his relationship with work is effortless. His relationships with his work colleagues are easy and flawless. Away from his job he is a fish out of water.. He has to 'work' at other relationships, me, dh, his siblings. He has had mh issues and found to be struggling keeping plates in the air.... Not excusing his behaviour op but is he struggling with life in general? For some people going to work really is the easier option...

@KittyScratch

It will be Christmas before we know it and before I know it it will be 6 months without sharing a day together.

You're dramatising. It's pointless and will cause you more stress. It isn't 6 months since you spent a day together right now, so you don't have to deal with that right now.

Another way of putting it, is your schedule doesn't fit in with his. I think it's very harsh that he looses his job and finds one and you moan about it. You could always take a day off to fit in with his time off? A set schedule really isn't a thing in the hospitality industry, shifts change every week, that's the nature of the beast
He can have a job and not spend time with you and he damned
He can be unemployed and have no money and be damned.
I think it's unfair but yeah, probably best to leave him.

I know you are upset, but you keep saying the same thing over and over again, are you like this with him, because that could be a reason why he wants to be at work so much.

Read your thread title and came on thinking 'I bet it's something silly and they ABU', but actually, that does sound rubbish and really demoralizing.

It's barely a relationship at this point really, is it? Not spending the day together since May? How pointless.

I probably wouldn't LTB over this immediately, but the relationship would definitely be in final warning territory and I'd be telling him so. If nothing changes after a frank conversation, bin it.

Your lifestyles are incompatible . That’s it’s really .

Bin him.

I'd say that says his view of the relationship is quite clear given his actions

I'm sure it works both ways though no, it's not all just on him to carve time away from work for you? Can you not also do that, seeing as you expect him to?

Otherwise if your lifestyles aren't compatible based on your jobs then I don't see the point in continuing a relationship where you don't see each other.

Ultimately he needs to earn money to pay for bills and rent/mortgage and if hospitality with shifts and weekend work is his specialism then that's that.