Met my husband in England,married,brought a house and had two beautiful kids. Our marriage was difficult,we clased big time and sometimes questioned ourselves why the heck we even got together. But we did and we made a commitment and said vowls and i despratly wanted to try and make it work. We saw a marriage counsellor and it helped but there were still a lot of up and downs. We both struggle with personal issues,me despression for years and him broken family and childhood trauma.
I am very close to my family, parents,sister,aunts and cousins. We all live in the same county and see eachother a lot!! My husand is from Namibia and not close to his family. They go weeks maybe months not talking. We struggled somewhat in uk i didnt work at the time as we agreed with childcare costs it wasnt worth ne working. But it wasn't that bad...we muddled through.
My husband was not happy in his job here in the uk and was seeking other work,unsuccessful to find anything quickly his dad in Namibia asked him if he was interested in taking over the family business there as he wanted to retire...my husband wanted to give it a try and somehow convinced me to move. We left on the agreement that we would go and try for two years and come back after IF we wanted to.
The first few months there was horrible. I never felt so alone in my life. His dad got him working the minute he arrived and i was left alone with a 4m baby and 2yr old. Any way fast forward and i made friends and my eldest started kindergarten. Life was good,we rented a lovely house,two cars and money was comfortable.
How ever me missing my family was sole destroying. I missed them with my all and i was sad my kids had no real family bond as his family just drop in and out on their terms unless an emergency. They show no interest and to me its clear they dont like me. (Probably cos im not Namibian german) covid hit and we were forced to stay another year...however when i asked my husband in the past and recently when are we moving back he always fobbed me off with a work related reason why we cant go back! Now i put my foot down a bit to get a real answer and he finally has reveiled he has no intension of moving back to uk and wants to stay. He claims that he hated it in the uk and even when we visted for a holiday he hated it. This is all news to me...and now he is saying he thinks we should call it a day.
Im so scared of leaving an easy life in Namibia for a hard single mum life in uk and of course its not like my kids will see him every other weekend!
But if i stay i wont ever get over missing my family and if something happened to my parents as their not getting younger id never forgive myself. I dont know what to do and im worried ill make the wrong decision. All i care about is doing right by my kids. Thank you for reading this essay.