Why doesn't he support me..

[Yellowcrockpot]

I dont really know why I am writing this, except there might be someone who will listen.

I am mid 30s. Dp mid 50s. Promised me the world, never happened (I believed he had a successful business, money coming from a house sale when I met him, it never came) I was naive and silly, gave him all my savings..

Almost 4 years on I have now changed career (after I gave my successful career up) and I am struggling trying to make my way in a very competitive market.

At first Dp was very supportive, until he met other men on my course (who were perfectly nice to him), I have passed my first course (with support from MN) and now I have enrolled on an intermediate course, Dp has spent the whole evening putting me down, as i am already feeling insecure that I won't pass this course, I have to learn quickly alot of Latin for my subjects.

Dp met some people on my first course and didn't "like them" (probably because they were male and I got on with them) now he's telling me I've only gone on this course through "comfort" when the honest truth is just that I want to love what I do, and be somebody..
Where I am trying to be is a competitive market..

I'm not 100% sure why I'm writing this except to prehaps get aome support? Am I just wasting my time?

Can you get your savings back from him?

Do you have DC together. Who owns the property you live in. Your life will be much better without him in it being a nasty controlling bastard.

I dont know what to make of it

You don't have to make anything of it. A partner isn't meant to be a puzzle, and if it feels like they are, then you're in an unhealthy relationship and you need to get out.

Stop trying to figure out what's happening in his head. Start looking at what's happening. He is jealous. He is insecure. He doesn't like it when you progress in the way you want to. He has happily taken your savings.

Is this the behaviour of a partner who ticks all your boxes?

@Yellowcrockpot

I'm sat here quietly reading the replies. It was MN that got me to get on a course in the first place. The belief even strangers had in me. I think that's why i am writing this post again. Thank you for the honest replies in really am trying

This is where the flaw in your thinking is, that's meant you've stayed with him this long.

The core question here is why is the belief that strangers have in you stronger than the belief you have in yourself?

I echo what others have said.... he prefers it when you are at a disadvantage, when you are weaker, poorer, less successful, reliant on him.

He took money from you (for what??? When will you get it back???), he encouraged you to leave your job and rely on him, he isn't encouraging you in your course. He's supporting the volunteering but again, that's him in a supportive role, on the back of you not getting a job. It makes him feel good.

He doesn't support you because he doesn't want you to improve yourself or feel happy in yourself / self-confident. He wants you to feel grateful to him and that means you feeling inferior to him.

These things do not make him a good partner.