Found husband’s viagra.. me or secret ED?

[MummyK23]

Hi all,

I was recently tidying up and found a sleeve of viagra pills (with one missing) in our spare bedroom which my husband uses for work.

We have recently had a baby, however since before Christmas our sex life began to slow down dramatically and dwindle out. This year we have barely had sex at all.

I asked him about this as I have tried quite a few times to arouse him (sorry if TMI) with no such luck, but not just no erection, he has just been so uninterested!! For example stopping kissing me to say what are we having for dinner? Or laughing.

When I brought up the fact I don’t think he is attracted to me any more (he doesn’t say nice things like he used to and when he does it feels like he’s doing it just because he feels he should). He said it isn’t me but just isn’t interested in doing anything sexual anymore.

He didn’t sound overly convincing but I thought ok .. still couldn’t understand that because to me if you’re not interested in having sex with your partner then you’re not sexually attracted to them no more? Am I wrong?

And now I have found the viagra my mind is going 100mph.

I am planning to speak to him about it but he’s never had an erectile issue before so I’m thinking is the plan to use it so I don’t think he’s not attracted me (which is the case?)

Sorry for the spiel !

I have to keep it brief but it sounds very much like ED. Viagra doesn't work without physical desire, and doesn't work for everyone.

Avoiding kisses and affection may be to reduce the chances of intimacy and failure. He may not have any idea of how painful and soul-destroying rejection can be.

Hopefully someone will have some advice on how to handle this. If not, a GP or HV could be a good place to start. For me, it was therapy to improve communication.
Good Luck!

A sudden drop in libido sounds like depression/stress which leads to lack of desire which leads to inability to get an erection which leads to stress/depression..... It can become a downward spiral. I guess he took a Viagra to see what happened and maybe it didn't work, this is good in that he is trying to do something about the problem but it is probably not the best solution. I suppose he is younger than 40? No health issues? In which case he should be perfectly capable of managing without - ahem - assistance. The usual remedy would be to avoid all sexual contact and masturbation until the urge becomes irresistible. If this does not work then you need to try and find out why he is stressed and deal with the underlying cause. Could be work, money, etc or just the changes that have come with the baby.

am planning to speak to him about it but he’s never had an erectile issue before so I’m thinking is the plan to use it so I don’t think he’s not attracted me (which is the case?)

I think You probably need a bit cautious about this, ED is very difficult for any man to admit to suffering from (for what ever reason, and there are loads)
He is quite possibly avoiding anything that would lead sex or intimatcy just to avoid failure and making himself look like a failure in front of you.
The issues and feelings around ED are complex for most men