Co parenting after separating as friends.

[DaisyLou33]

Hi, myself and my husband have recently seperated but are currently living together, still. We have 2 children. This is not ideal and this will be changing at some point.
However, I'm interested if anyone is still friends with their ex partner, whilst bringing up the children. Did this take time, or happened straight from the off?
Also, how do you split the time with the children up, etc?
Thanks :)

Yes I do. We have 2 children. Mine go every weekend and stay with him half the school holidays.

We are pretty cool with eachother, we hated eachother at first but remained positive around the children. We have a laugh and a joke as friends. I refuse to be negative around my children as I don't want them to see that. Least we can do for our children is to be civilised. It changed a little when I met someone, but then once he accepted it, we was fine.

I split with my DCs Dad just over two years ago and we still live with each other. Came close to moving out with the kids as I was finding the situation hard at first. I couldn't afford to leave and overall its fine and we co-parent well and there is no atmosphere in the house anymore.
If there was ever any chance either of us developed feelings again I'd put boundaries in place, we'd never get back together and haven't had sex or intamacy since long before we split. I think once that boundary has been crossed you obviously can't remain friends. We currently don't split time with the children and live pretty much the same as before, eat together if we're all in do things as a family days out or whatever but not as much as before. When he moves out I like to think he will have the kids a night and see them through the week after school, he's said he would and I'm guessing that splittling my time with the kids might be hard I'm not too worried. The kids already know whats coming so have had time to get their heads around it all. If you're no longer in love with the ex and they haven't actually done anything major wrong then I think its easier to stay friends, still care about them and work together while apart for the sake of the kids.

As long as you don't meet anyone, this works ok.

This is what I was hoping we could do but he is saying he is unable to carry on living together co-parenting, if I am ever going to date/see anyone else. And, I can't say I will never go near anyone ever again as I think that's unrealistic. Do you guys have a plan in place if you met someone?

No in all honesty no plan in place but I think that would move things on. If he meets someone and moves out that's great. If any of us met someone and we stayed living together too awkward I think.

@ButterflyBlue13

Yes I do. We have 2 children. Mine go every weekend and stay with him half the school holidays.

We are pretty cool with eachother, we hated eachother at first but remained positive around the children. We have a laugh and a joke as friends. I refuse to be negative around my children as I don't want them to see that. Least we can do for our children is to be civilised. It changed a little when I met someone, but then once he accepted it, we was fine.

Same for my partner as his ex (minus the last sentence)..

I think the key thing to remember OP is that 'co-parenting' doesn't have to mean still doing things together or spending time in each other's homes (once you live separately), as this can lead to being a bit too involved in each other's lives, which results in conflict.

Effective co-parenting is being civil, agreeing on major decisions and backing each other up when needed. It's basically just not being at war with each other when it comes to your kids.

My partner and his ex are not friends as such, they don't spend time together unless necessary (sports day etc) but they happily have a chat when handing the kids over and they work together on any issues the children have. The children know they get along fine, which makes a big difference to them.

Partner has his children EOW and time in the school holidays as they moved away. When they first started living apart, he would go round and do bath and bedtime a couple of times during the week, then have them one day of the weekend at first. Then they moved up to every other weekend once the children had adjusted.

Few people would accept their partner living with their exh or exw, children or no children, so I doubt cohabitation and dating would work. Plus, it's awkward and confusing for the children, who probably hope you'll get back together.

It can be difficult, and a lot depends on the age of the children. Mine were eight and ten when their dad moved out, and I had a long chat with them about mum and dad still staying on speaking terms, and dad was going to get his own house to stop the arguments etc.. I left it with them to come and ask anything they wanted to about the split, and the only response I had from them was please can we not have a stepdad, because John at school has one and he doesn't like him.
Never discuss dad's shortcomings, and never make remarks about him or his family. Expect him to do the same, and present a united front when presented with a child asking for something. It isn't always easy, but it does help the children to cope with the shift in the family dynamic. Oh, and if dad is not around a lot, please try and find a good male role model - the bad ones are two a penny!!

I'm friendly with my ex but we're not friends.
Agree with PP that successful co-parenting means civility, helping one another out if necessary, etc. We do Christmas, birthdays, parents evenings together, no drama.
Also still close to his family.