F**k I’ve just realised something massive!

[Fightingback16]

I’ve been hating myself like no end since leaving my abusive marriage. I’ve been continuously abusing myself for the past 2.5 years I’ve discovered.

He put all of that self loathing in my head though I’ve learnt to make his own self hate bearable .

I’ve learnt that he must hate himself immensely. Because if he made me hate myself to make the hate he felt towards himself more bearable then mine was massive.

I’ve been so at odds with myself like I have 2 identities. I do, he literally created this self hating person to make him feel better. I was the representation of his hated for himself.

Bastard.

What a dick he is, and you, you're pretty bloody amazing for figuring out it's him that's caused you that pain for years, I wish you all the love and luck in unpicking years of damage and learning to love yourself

Bingo. Hopefully that can offer you some catharsis and no longer allow him to rent a space in your head :)

I can really relate. We each deal with shame differently, my ex was an attack others kind of person and I was attack self kind of person so I was slowly being destroyed by us both. I always found it hard to relate to stories of abuse and power, it was clear he hated himself and would punish me for whatever went wrong in his life.

I was still attacking myself years after I left then I started a slow journey into re-claiming my own head space. I wish you well in your journey and hope that you can feel compassion for yourself

Yep I definitely need to work on strengthening my pointing finger and to point it in the direction it needs to be, Instead of turning it in on myself.