Friend won't move on

[Zig27]

My friend has been single for 9 years. Before this she was in a 9 year relationship and she would ask the guy about marriage and he kept telling her he didn't know if he wanted to get married or he wasn't ready. They never got engaged. He was quite controlling so she didn't see her friends. He ended the relationship and got married to someone new 18 months later and a year after had a baby!

In the past 9 years she has re-added my ex on to Facebook just so she feels close to her ex even though my ex and her ex fell out and no longer speak. I'm annoyed as my ex was a domestic abuser to me and she knew all this. This was in the days before the government got stricter with the law and there was more awareness on these relationships. She also added my ex's, ex girlfriend who he had sent inappropriate messages to while we were together - I think she re-added in lockdown after not speaking to this woman in 15 years. There is another mutual friend too who sends her inappropriate messages and she deletes and re-adds him every few months. It's like she enjoys the drama and cannot move on from 2004 to 2012 when she was with this ex and knew all of these people.

She has recently started dating a guy she knew from school. She said she wasn't keen on him but he will help her move on. I know it's not my business that she wants to maintain these unhealthy relationships but what concerns me is I don't want my ex and his previous ex to know about my life nowadays. Most people I know move on and make new friends and not go back to the drama. I don't know if she has depression.

Some people literally cant get go. Its like they become obsessed with an idea or person and as time passes its like the reality of the person - who they are, what theyve done and where they are now in their lives, even their own choices, are no longer real or relevant. The person is fixated. Its damaging and toxic, especially since there are such unwelcome associations for you with the desperate connections she makes in a futile attempt to hang on to the object of her fixation. I personally would find this refusal to grow up and accept reality exhausting and offputting and would step away from this friendship....you owe it to yourself to safeguard yourself, your mental health and the new life and relationships youve built (Im sure also with their fair share of pain, self reflection and personal growth)!

It sounds like you will have ro cut her out of your social media or at least lock down your settings hard (others will know better than me the details of what/how to do this) so your stuff remains invisible to your abusive ex and his 'circle'.

You are right her behaviour is extremely unhealthy, but it isn't your responsibility to fix her. You can protect yourself and yourvpeace of mind though, and perhaps tell her why, in a factual way (in a way that is not open to discussion!) if she asks why.