First time poster, but long time lurker! Sorry if this is long!
I have been with my boyfriend for about 9 months. Until very recently our relationship was supportive, warm, generous and kind. After careful thought and much discussion between us, I introduced him to my 2 DC around the 6/7 month mark and it went well. He started spending more time with us over weekends and it was seemingly going quite smoothly. I had confidence that it could develop into something more committed as a family unit, over time.
All of a sudden (to me anyway), things have almost completely changed. His behaviour shifted after the August bank holiday - I put this down to a long drive and him having got over Covid not too long before. However, communication seriously lessened (though messaging was consistent) and I didn't see him the next weekend. Then the following weekend he said he wanted to see his son, which I obviously understood but he came to mine on the way up. He then said that he was 'considering the relationship' because on the bank holiday he had briefly glanced at me 'arguing' with my daughter and he didn't like what he saw. It transpires what he did see wasn't a row at all so I hoped that i had put his mind at rest...he said he'd come back on the Sunday and see us and talk it through properly. He said there was nothing to worry about, he loved me and on his way out told the kids he'd see them on Sunday. He never came - and it was only me messaging him at 7pm worried that got him to admit he wasn't coming. He said he was tired from the long drive but I said he had wasted my day (and the kids') and had let us down, especially as it was intended to be the time we would talk through our relationship. Since then he has been going hot and cold - but says he loves me every day. I told him earlier this week that, whilst I could see he was struggling, I could not go on for much longer in this limbo. He admitted that he had 'things on his mind and his own thoughts' to deal with - he said sorry and that he would sort it. But....we are now a week after we last saw each other, and that is 1 hour of face to face contact in nearly 3 weeks. I am exhausted, I keep jumping to all sorts of unpleasant scenarios no matter how hard I try to keep faith in him. It really hurts, I love this man, or at least the man he was.
In my mind I have set tomorrow as the deadline to make a decision for us both, if he cannot tell me any more about what it is. I can't go into another week of limbo. Am I stupid to allow even that much time? Or am I being impatient and should let him have more?
Thank you for reading this far, all advice very welcome! x