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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

People calling your partner

27 replies

McVitie · 04/12/2007 20:10

I don't often pick the kids up from school as I work full time and when I do I sit in the car so I don't know any of the "playground mums". DH does it and has been doing it for the past 2 years.

Anyway today I had the opportunity so I parked the car up and wandered into the playground and stood amongst the other parents (didnt speak to anyone though) and I heard someone calling DH She said something about "how come your mate isnt here?" to her friend then they all burst out laughing and the other one said "who? 's dad?" and again they all laughed and she said "hopefully he got run over on the way down" one of them called her a heartless cow but they were all laughing.

I know he makes an effort to talk to people and be sociable and on a few occasions when we've been out he's got on people's nerves bu being overly friendly but to say something like that is cruel and OTT surely. I was quite upset about it, especially as DH always goes on about how nice they all are.

Am I taking it too personally? I havn't mentioned it to DH but I can't stop thinking about it.

OP posts:
TisTheSeasonToBeTaLcY · 04/12/2007 20:13

how horrible

TisTheSeasonToBeTaLcY · 04/12/2007 20:14

Were you tempted to confront them at all?

Original poster
McVitie · 04/12/2007 20:15

Yes I was fuming. I really wanted to say something to them but I couldn't bring myself too.

OP posts:
MarkStretch · 04/12/2007 20:15

That's really sad .

(I find some of the mum's at my dd's school some of the most horrible, unfriendly people I've ever met!)

RubySlippers · 04/12/2007 20:16

that is an awful thing to overhear

i am not sure what you can do after the event

i know who i would rather share a playground chat with

3missyshohoho · 04/12/2007 20:16

I would feel exactly the same.... how horrible for you to overhear that. I know it is probably hard to do but try and forget about as to keep ruminating about it will make you feel even worse.

TisTheSeasonToBeTaLcY · 04/12/2007 20:17

Hmmmmmm, it's one of those times when you can imagine, afterwards, what you could have said.

If it were me, and my dh....
and if i hadn't confronted them [which i may have done at pmt y times of the month!]...then i would possibly tell him....possibly

Original poster
McVitie · 04/12/2007 20:19

See i'm torn between telling him and keeping it quiet. I think he should know what a bunch of bitches they are so he knows not to waste his time talking to them in future but at the same time I don't want to upset him and this will.

OP posts:
kkey21 · 04/12/2007 20:19

How horrible for you to hear that---if the truth be known they probably have boring, lazy and un-socibale partners are are secretly jealous!
Sod the lot of them and good for you having a decent bloke who can make the effort to talk to them......xxx

kkey21 · 04/12/2007 20:21

Sorry at my cr@p spelling!!! Meant to say 'un-sociable partners and are secretly jealous!

oxocube · 04/12/2007 20:22

What horrible people. Don't tell your husband. Try and forget about it - people like this just aren't worth it

TisTheSeasonToBeTaLcY · 04/12/2007 20:25

yes...i spose it depends on how upset dh will be. Try to forget it.....call them every name under the sun, in your head...then have a nice glass of wine.

Perhaps you could go with him...and join in the 'friendly' chat?

Winetimeisfinetime · 04/12/2007 20:34

Why don't you tell him you overhead them criticising someone else in a horrible way and tell him they don't seem very nice people. This may put him off trying to talk to them in future { and they really don't deserve him wasting his valuable time on them } without hurting his feelings. Men are just not very good at identifying bitchy behaviour and I think that you should try and tip him off without revealing they were talking about him.

anorak · 04/12/2007 20:43

I would have said something to them, it would have been out of my mouth before I could stop it I'm afraid. Don't tell him, it will hurt him too much.

WinkyWinkola · 04/12/2007 20:55

No, don't tell him. It's not worth it. What a bunch of hags though. That episode was extremely mean.

My DS is only 2½ but I'm really not looking forward to the playground parent politics. I'm thinking that smiling, basic politeness but no effort beyond that could be key. Oh and making sure my DCs have lots of pals outside of school so that if any horrid mother decides my kids aren't the right friends for theirs, it won't matter quite so much.

Hold your head up, McVities. They are nasty pieces of work.

3sEnough · 04/12/2007 21:02

Def don't tell him - how lovely having a friendly husband who actually communicates with people. (not that mine doesn;t!) Just to try and make you feel a little better (although this wasn't as hurtful) I was once standing next to a mother on the sidelines of a boys rugby match - my DH was doing his usual trick of yelling/shouting at the top of his 'not inconsiderably volumed' voice at the boys on his team. The mother proceeded to moan to her friend that no matter where she stood she could always hear the annoying, loud, obnoxious man who took her son's team and that she'd had to put up with him for just too long. I sniggered quietly to myself and hoped he'd get even louder! Some people will always find it their place to be nasty about others, whether those others be kind, horrible or just plain boring - they'll decide that whichever attribute the person has isn't the flavour of the month and demean it/them. Don't rise to it.xx

Tovik · 04/12/2007 21:50

don't tell your husband, he sounds nice
they sound horrible, really really horrible
but i would say to him something like "i don't think much to some of those mums at school.. they're quite bitchy" or something a bit vague just to stop him making any effort with them and possibly exposing himself (scuse unintended double entendre) ugh playground politics double ugh

Kerri28 · 04/12/2007 21:55

oh how awfl for you . don't tell your lovely husband, it will just make him even more sad than you are. appreciate how friendly and caring he is and let him carry on in such a way - most people (me included) appreciate people who make the effort to be friendly, because so many people are stand-offish.

yama · 04/12/2007 22:03

Please don't tell him - what a horrible thing to hear. Ignorance really is bliss.

cheeset · 04/12/2007 22:03

What a thing to say-'Hope he got run over' Nasty peice of work that one, cant believe it.

Ignore ignore ignore, I like people who are friendly and make an effort too and these people are to be avoided.

I feel really sad for you. Taking the piss how dare they.

yama · 04/12/2007 22:04

Also, I agree with Kerri - I bet the nice Mums really like him.

Lizzer · 04/12/2007 22:08

McVitie, feel sorry for their children to have such immature pathetic bitches for their mums

maximummummy · 04/12/2007 22:35

god wot a bunch of cows - though prob. it is just one who is the ringleader and they were just being her bitches
don't tell your dp it would no doubt upset him (sad)

dragonstitcher · 05/12/2007 13:24

Horrible people! No, don't tell him. Next time you have the opportunity to pick up your dc yourself, go together and stand arm and arm in the playground, stare at them and watch them squirm when they realise that you heard.

yummers · 05/12/2007 20:40

i know it's horrible after the event, thinking about what you should have said - but if you're ever in that position again - unlikely i know - step in and say 'Excuse me, but that's my husband you're talking about, and what you are saying is childish and cruel.' that'll learn 'em.

or that's what i'd like to do but probably wouldn't ever have the guts. and i'd be scared of making the problem worse for him. how horrid. I can't get over how having kids fails to make some women grow up altogether. There's a woman at m&t, who i heard bitching about someone who 'hadn't even bothered to fix her hair or do her make-up before coming here. I wouldn't leave the house if that was me.' Wanted to give her a good slap but restrained myself.

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