I am in a similar situation to you OP. NC with the whole of my family including both divorced parents, siblings and their families for over 10 years. I sometimes search the death notices in the local paper where my mother lives to see if she’s died. I know she most likely would have stipulated not to have one to prevent me from finding out though!
It was not my choice and has been very tough. I used to carry a lot of shame about it, being the outcast, most people would assume I’d done something terrible and unforgivable and I did too for a long time 
. DH’s family also think its very odd and that I deliberately stopped my DC seeing my family but they don’t know the full story.
Definitely get the feeling different from ‘normal’ people but then again I made to feel that I was abnormal throughout my childhood and I can now rationalise that I was the normal person in my family and that’s why I was the scapegoat and why they threw me out as soon as I challenged the status quo.
It has been tough on my DCs as well as they also lost contact with family they’d been close to although so much time has passed they’re not bothered now.
I didn’t find therapy that helpful, that’s what started it all off in the first place!
I don’t think I’ll ever lose the desire to reconcile (it’s a basic human need to want the love of your family), but it won’t ever happen now. Closure would be nice though.
My mother did say shortly after she cut me off that she’d written me a letter that I would get after she’d died. Not sure how as no one in my family has my contact details now. I would rather she said what she wanted to say to my face but I’m sure it’ll be full of how she knew I was evil from the day I was born bullshit.
I think if it had been my choice (I had very good reason) it would have been easier to come to terms with.