Hi all this may be long.
A few months ago I finally bit the bullet and ended my relationship. He claimed that the breakup was "out of the blue" and then asked if I was cheating. It wasn't random, I just got fed up of constantly telling him things that didn't sit right with me and him not listening or changing.
He wasn't a very good partner to me, he got mad at me and sulky about a few things e.g. I'd go to his house in the morning because I'd be working in the evenings and he'd get mad if I wanted to take a nap, He sulked and gave me silent treatment when I said no to sex one time and, another time he got mad at me for wanting to go home (it was about 11pm, I'd been at work in the morning and then came straight to his).
Also, right from the beginning of the relationship he made me very aware that his mother would always be no1 no matter what, so it felt like it was almost a competition. His mom suffers from anxiety and depression so couldn't go out but I felt like it affected our relationship. Whenever we would go out, he would be glued to his phone texting back and forth with his mom or on the phone to her, making me feel left out as he would ignore me. She would always call him when we were out asking him to get things, so our "dates" turned into me following him around getting his moms stuff. Also, whenever we would have an argument, he'd tell his mom 🙄
I'd also got a lot of guilt tripping from him as well which I started to become desensitised to. He'd say things like "I've been cheated on before that's why I'm this way" instead of trying to fix it by attending therapy or he'd always talk about his terrible childhood to justify behaviour or use the classic "I'm only human" line.
I'm going to be honest, I accidently got pregnant and was very back and forth about it as I was in shock but decided to terminate the pregnancy as I wanted to focus on my studies. I took reaponsibility and did what was best for me, and I went to therapy. Understandably, he was upset but he seemed to place the full blame on me saying things like "I've ruined his mental health and destroyed his family" and other things. We broke up and got back together a few months later, he said he "forgave" me (not that I needed his forgiveness) but after a while, he'd throw the termination at me especially during arguments. I couldn't tolerate any of these things anymore which lead me to breaking up with him.
Long story short, I'm trying to find an affordable therapist (previous therapy was through NHS) as I'd prefer private sessions but, in the meantime, how can I help myself heal? Sorry that this is so long to anyone reading