Advice please from anyone who has been to Relate.....

[namechangealso]

I have changed my name because I feel happier not being 'me'.
I am going to Relate at the moment with my husband and could just do with some advice on whether I am handling it right, from anyone else who has been.

We are going together once a week and are on our 3rd session. In between we don't talk about our problems or what was said at the session at all. On the way back to the car, we might have two minutes conversation about what was said but that is it. Personally, I feel too drained by it all to bring it into the conversation that much in between sessions. But I am wondering whether we are not making the most of this opportunity of counselling by pushing it to one side each week, until the next time. I suppose it is partly my fault because I find the whole thing quite painful and my DH is not one to bring anything up any way. Also, I was the one to make us go to Relate and I know he is not exactly enjoying it....

For those of you that have been through this, did you talk a lot about what had been said at the session? Or did you just wait till next time? I appreciate everyone is different, and we all handle things in different ways... I just wondered. I think it has been good to bring things out in the open but do wonder if it is going to change things for us or help our marriage.

For anyone kind enough to reply... I am offline for a while getting the tea (!) but TIA.

bump....

if I where you I would ask what you have just asked above in your next session. Talk to your counsellor about it if it's bothering you, you have the agenda you can talk about whatever you like. But there is no "right" way to do counselling...good luck

hi, dh and i went through relate earlier this year. like you we said alot of things in the session some quite hurful actually and the weirdes time was leaving the building together on way to car! but like you we didnt talk about it in betwee. i think we were just 'processing' in our own quiiet ways iyswim.
after approx 5 sessions one week we got on brilliantly, almost out of nowhere, and decided never to go back. iirc at about 3 weeks he told me he wanted a divorce- we talked through it that same day at our session and things went back to being ok.
we are still together. it certainly saved our marriage and whilst its not all it could be (sex wise particularly) neither of us feels like leaving now which is what it was like this time last year.
good luck!

Thank you hettie and belcanavinissima.... I know everyone deals with it in their own way. I suppose I just don't want to 'waste' this opportunity to get back on track (if that is at all possible...)

I do feel DH is just going through the motions and waiting for the time these sessions can end so he can get back to 'normal'. But of course 'normal' is not right or we would't be there in the first place.

I will ask the counsellor whether she thinks we should be talking more at home.

The counsellor won't give you an answer to that question (if he/she is any good!) It's whatever feels right for you! It sounds like you sense it may be good to talk more as you ask the question, but you also don't seem comfortable with it yet. If you think DH is happy not talking any more, maybe you could keep a diary of what each session means for you and then decided whether or not to share your thoughts as you go along the process.

thanks thirtysomething. As I typed out about asking the counsellor whether we should be talking more about things, I did think 'what a stupid question' as everyone has different problems, and different ways of dealing with it.
I don't feel particularly comfortable with talking more at the moment... you are right. It is just such an odd hour where inner feelings just pour out and then.... zilch, nothing. Back to normal life, until the next session.
Good idea about the diary.. thanks for the feedback