What would you think?

[cheesecadet]

So, been seeing a guy for nearly 3 months. A true gent and constantly telling me how happy I make him feel, (me with him too). The connection is excellent.

He's said that he struggles with saying what he feels, although I think his actions tell me how he feels. Says he regrets not telling his sister that he loved her before she died, and in the same conversation said he was mad about me. Also said that his mate told him that he loved him not long ago, and it felt weird but he said it back.

Is he angling or...?

I'm not used to someone not saying I love you. They've always said it by now.

3 months is very early days

3 months is early. Although I've said less than that before. I think you say it when you feel it, for some people it takes longer especially if they aren't very expressive with their feelings.

Let it come naturally, if he feels it he’ll say it and vice versa, i don’t think there’s a right amount of time in which it should have been said if that makes sense, every relationship is so unique. Two people can be closer in a few months than some can in a year depending on the relationship.

He sounds proper full on op.

Read up on 'love bombing' just incase.
Also on 'covert narcissists' and specifically, the sob stories they tell.

Dont be pressured into anything you aren't comfortable with.

Really? I wouldn't love someone within 3 months.

I've said it a few times but I've only ever meant it once. Whats the rush?

I’ve been seeing someone I really like for over 3 months. Some weeks we stay together up to 5 nights, others 1 night. We’ve been on holiday, done lots of different activities and are really comfortable around each other in a home environment.

I don’t feel in love yet. I do feel serene and happy, and like I’m where I’m supposed to be in life.

You say you’re not used to someone not saying I love you by now, but do you usually love them? I think I’ve only been in love once but felt some loving feelings towards others.

Thanks for the comments.

@RamonaLark when I've told someone that I love them before, I've meant it and felt it but obviously it hasn't worked out with those people in the long run.

After meeting my present guy, I thought that I'd wait until I was absolutely sure. I do feel like I love him. But what does being in love mean? Do you have to love everything about them warts and all? Do you have to know more about them, have met their friends and family, be happy with how they act in all situations. Or can you call it love regardless of all this?

Confused!

I wouldnt call it love after 3 months.

I'd say the only requirements for love are initial attraction+time+repeated close proximity. 3 months is long enough for infatuation, long enough for obsession and long enough to like and care about someone. But not love imo.

@Pinkbonbon thank you.
When you say repeated close proximity, do you mean seeing each other regularly, and living close by to each other?

I think everyone has a different definition of love anyway and that love doesn’t stay static but grows and changes and deepens as time goes on. So you might say I love you at three months and then again at three years and mean it both times - but the depth and scope of that love will be different.

At the end of the day what love is has been debated endlessly and has many different meanings. So i’d be more hung up on how the interaction is and if saying you love someone is part of that and feels good then why not?

He's said he's mad about you and that you make him happy. What is it you feel is missing? He obviously isn't ambivalent.

If you have such an excellent connection, why aren't you discussing your feelings with him instead of us?

You shouldn’t feel pressured to say you love someone. 3 months is pretty short.

Thanks for the further replies.

@TheFoundations I don't feel anything is missing. I'm mad about him but scared of saying it to him in case he doesn't say it back.

Hmm I think by 'repeated close proximity' I pretty much just mean being around them on a repeated, basis.

However... temptation is to say you have to speak with someone a lot and get to know them to fall in love. But saying that, I grew up alongside a boy in school, we barely spoke but after 6 years looking to him every day, seeing him grow into a man and just generally observing how he was in life (like a creepy wee stalker lol) I think I would say that was love. Obsession at first just xD but after 6 years it ad definately grew into something deeper. Because you cant look admiringly on someone for 6 years and not feel something deeper.

But again, that was arguably simply because of time.

I think amount time can sometimes be more important than the quality of time. There have been studies to show that attraction grows with proximity and exposure to a person.

Generally speaking though, love comes from knowing a person through conversations and through sharing experiences throughout a time period. I do think it has to be a relatively long time period though. Personal opinion.

@Pinkbonbon thank you. We saw each other 8 times in the first 3 weeks and generally we see each other all weekend and for a few hours once or twice in the week.

@cheesecadet

Thanks for the further replies.

@TheFoundations I don't feel anything is missing. I'm mad about him but scared of saying it to him in case he doesn't say it back.

So don't say it. Why are you giving it so much weight?

You're saying 'My very short term boyfriend hasn't said he loves me and I haven't said it to him either. HELP!'

There's no issue apart from what you're creating in your drama head.

[quote cheesecadet]@Pinkbonbon thank you. We saw each other 8 times in the first 3 weeks and generally we see each other all weekend and for a few hours once or twice in the week.[/quote]
Definately potential for fast infatuation to grow then. But I think we have to be careful to know sort short term butterflies from something that is sustainable.

Always be aware of the tactics of love bombed, just incase. Not saying that's what is going on. But telling someone a vulnerability in order to get them to share theirs or saying 'I love you're in order to get a person to say it back (or at least, to get them to lower their guard) is a common tactic of these sorts.

*love bombers

@TheFoundations I agree, I'm creating drama. It's been a very long time since I've been in this situation. I need to chill. Thank you.

[quote cheesecadet]@TheFoundations I agree, I'm creating drama. It's been a very long time since I've been in this situation. I need to chill. Thank you.[/quote]

Saying 'I love you' is a natural thing. It'll happen on its own, like a kiss. If you're in knots about it, it's not the right time. Some people are together for ages and ages without saying it. If you're happy, it really doesn't matter.