Online dating - blocked and ghosted

[thefourgp]

I’ve just been blocked and ghosted and I don’t know why. I hate it how some stranger can make me feel bad about myself when I’ve done nothing wrong. He works away 3 weeks on, 3 weeks off and had his son during the summer holidays so I’ve been patient about meeting up face to face. It was planned for last week but I got covid so I’ve had to delay it to this week. We text each other a few times a day every day and had exchanged photos (nothing sexual). I tried to stay friendly/flirty but not get too invested until we met in real life. I’ve never waited so long before meeting up in person with an online date but I thought he was genuine and we had a great connection. I’m so disappointed. It’s the first time in four years since I left my ex DH that I’ve been excited about a man I’ve met and I’ve had other dates. I would never ghost and block someone like that.

Tbh with a back story like that … I’d say not actually single. Enjoyed the chat and feeling of connection then when it seemed like meeting up inevitable he cut ties. It’s shit.
There’s never any good reason - imho - not to meet within the first couple of weeks (max - I normally do within first couple of days!). If there are real blocks (like distance or mad work schedules or having a child the ENTIRE summer with no access to a single baby sitter 🤔🤔🤔) - well those are reasons not to be in a relationship with that person further down the line. Saves getting attached to someone who you don’t actsy know or know if you’re physically attached to. Inability to meet in RL is a massive red flag for me. I hope you meet someone genuine & lovely soon op

• Physically attracted to Physically attached to, not ideal.

I do too wish you the best 💐 he doesn't know what he lost

Ghosting is all about him and nothing to do with you.
Could be any number of reasons but we don't need to speculate.

Online dating is full of flakes and ghosting, you need a really tough skin to cope.
Your happiness and self esteem does not hinge on any man, be happy in yourself and you won't care so much when they flake or ghost.

Come and join us on the dating thread,loads of people at various stages of dating and very supportive of each other.

OP your post resonated completely because I've experienced something similar myself very recently. Personally it hurts like hell because we were both over invested in it and to be honest he seemed very very keen. The thing is...we haven't even met! I'll PM you if you don't mind.

You broke the golden rule of online dating: Meet early. If someone can’t meet you for 3 months, even for a quick coffee, they don’t want to meet you. I don’t imagine he had his son, entirely on his own, for the entire 6-7 weeks. My guess is that he’s either already with someone, or he’s met someone in the meantime. Next time, don’t wait for 3 months - 3 weeks max. If they’re not keen, you’ll know it quick enough.

What's the betting he unblocks you in precisely THREE weeks

I feel for you @thefourgp. I’m currently chatting with someone I like a lot (and they seem to like me). It’s been 3 weeks now and we’ve still not arranged to meet. There is some distance between us (around 2 hours driving) and there are some work commitment issues on both sides, but I just can’t shake the growing feeling that I’ll be blocked and he’ll be gone soon, and he was just stringing me along with lovely words and empty promises . Just got to remember it’s them with the problem, not you

for you too @Scintilla81 I hope you are feeling less hurt very soon.

You’re right. It’s the first time in nearly 2 years of online dating that I broke the golden rule and I won’t do it again. I’ve always met up with men within a couple of weeks in the past.
He had his son (from another part of the country) for the full three weeks last time he was home. I said I’d want to get to know each other without involving our children at first. I didn’t want to push him to find a baby sitter if he doesn’t see his son often and I thought it was a good thing he prioritised his son (when my ex barely gives a shit about our children).
We would have met at appx 7 weeks if it weren’t for me getting covid but then again maybe he would have come up with another excuse if I hadn’t of postponed.
He sent me so many photos and videos of his house (we exchanged diy jobs we did), garden, cat, him and his son out on a bike ride, etc. I think I’m pretty good at weeding out the time wasters and I really thought he was genuine. It’s so disheartening. I hope you all find someone kind and genuine too.

The problem with messshing for so long is you build up a fake emotional connection that is sometimes not even there in real life.

Hugs to you @thefourgp. I may well be joining you soon! 🙄.
It really is rubbish isn’t it 😕

You probably did have a connection and he felt it too, hence taking the time to send pics of his life etc
I'd say he has met someone else ... and is too cowardly to tell you. He will be back. Make sure you dont let him in when he comes knocking.

Hugs to you too @NewJoolz. I hope your experience turns out better than mine. I kindly suggest you make concrete plans to meet in the next couple of days so at least you’ll know where you stand.

I’ve been out for a jog tonight for the first time in a while because I knew comfort eating on junk food would make me feel worse. My sister says we can’t change other people, we can only work on ourselves so that’s what I’m going to focus on.

I’m think you’re right @Sonaftersonafterson. My brother in law said the same thing. There’s no way I’m giving him a second chance to do this to me.

I agree that the problem with messaging for a long time creates a false sense of connection and builds an idealised image of the person and a romanticised idea of their life.
In my case the delay in meeting was due to distance but he arranged the meet ups very keenly and every time we were supposed to meet something would come up that prevented it.
I've also been chatting to other guys on and off for several weeks and they are still keen to meet me (it's me who has been putting it off) but with them the chats are always so superficial and boring (like maintenance chat) that I have not developed enough interest in their life to be excited to meet them!
How does one get around this? Is one supposed to meet early and keeping the initial chats to a minimum and only if there is a spark in real life then one can invest in further dates/more intimate chatting in between?

We don’t know why he blocked and ghosted
It could range from anything to another woman , to maybe he felt disappointed when you had to cancel
Only he knows x
I know it’s very hurtful

But I think it signals inability to communicate and emote , rather than total disdain for you OP

I forgot how different men are to women till this summer of OLD

I’ve had similar ! You send photos , stories etc and I know what you mean - you get so connected

And he might well make contact again
And he might not either !

Take care , it’s a shitty feeling

@thefourgp you did a good thing by going for a run. Funnily enough I've done something similar today, going for a walk around shops and stopping at the hairdresser.
I also think that in your case you will hear from him at some point, but by then you will be in a better place not to accept any rubbish from him.
Just out of curiosity, how do you know that he blocked you?
This blocking thing is beyond me, how are they not at all interested in our messages all of a sudden and accepting to miss something we'd like to tell them?? It's such a rubbish and immature thing to do ! It's not as if we are pestering them or anything!

Thanks @thefourgp. He’s been pretty clear that it’ll be another week or so before he knows when he is free (we both only have weekends free) and just won’t commit to anything (which has got my spidey senses tingling). I’m still enjoying the online/phone/video chat for now, but am trying to keep a clear head that I could just be being strung along. 😕. I don’t have any other chats going on at the moment and not sure if I want to try and start any. But, I also know that that just makes me a bit more fixated on him and his lovely words! Am trying to just keep it light and breezy and non-pressured for now, and keeping my heart and feelings safe, just in case!

Your sister has some very wise words there, keep focusing on that and you’ll be fine 🥰🥰

Thanks @Scintilla81. I know what you mean about the difference between maintenance chats and natural flowing interesting conversations. His profile is now greyed out on WhatsApp and he’s disappeared off my ‘liked’ list on POF. The last message I sent only had one white tick which means it’s not even been received in his inbox because he’s blocked me.
People change their minds. I’ve done it before. I messaged someone after agreeing to a second date to say I’d changed my mind and wished him all the best for the future. I can even understand ghosting someone you’ve only spoken with for a few days but after two months of off-the-dating-site daily messaging it’s just such a selfish and cruel thing to do to someone. A simple message ending contact would have been basic bloody manners. I’d still be disappointed but I wouldn’t feel angry like I do now.

You’re right to feel angry. It’s a rude and shitty thing to do.