Opposites attract, but do they last?

[Wanderingi]

NC, don't know why really.

I'm a lone parent of 2 DC 9 and 13. No input from their father at all for 8 years. So I've been very much out of the dating world for years.

I've met a man. But we are very different. He's older than me (I'm mid 40s he's 58), his kids are adults. He's super sporty, runs marathons, I'm very lazy, hate exercise. He loves travelling, been all over the world and drives 100s of miles a week for work. I'm very much a home bird and consider a 2 hour journey a long drive! He's always on the go, fearless adrenaline junkie and has an ADHD diagnosis, I have anxiety and am a massive wuss.

I really like him, he's kind, thoughtful and respectful. He always checks that we're going at my pace and I'm not freaking out. He puts himself out to fit round my childcare. He researches restaurants to check they can cater for my food allergy then sends a link for me to look before he books it. He's lovely to me!

But we are so different. Anyone want to give their thoughts? Are we doomed or can we make it work?

Me and my husband are polar opposite of each other (except for political views). We've been married over 20 years

You sound like me, I avoid men that sound like the guy you've met because I wouldn't be able to keep up with them, are you able to travel with him? Would you be happy to stay at home when he wants to travel again, perhaps you can but travelling with children is expensive, some men seem to think you could just drop them to go on holidays with them alone so make sure you're on the same page.

With his work and training for marathons can you have much part in his life?
Either he's willing to calm his life down and settle into a relationship with you or it's going to be casual with him still fulfilling all the things he loves and you'll be waiting on him.

The best relationship I ever had, we just liked each other. There was nothing cut and paste about it. We weren't trying to cast a person in the role we thought existed. But, it didn't last, for the reason that we were very different in a particular way.

Food for thought, thank you vipers!

I'd be happy with him travelling without me, he's spoken before about my freedom to travel the world not coming for another 10 years! I don't mind him doing his own thing, I've got a full on job and full on DC, I think it's more I worry he'll get bored of me than I'll be sitting waiting for him. On rare occasions I've had free time at short notice he's changed his plans to see me. Maybe this is more about my insecurity, that I think I'll bore him because he's so active and I'm not?

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. There are no rules or guidelines, and there's no such thing a normal.

The question is, as with any relationship, are you willing to risk it?

I'm in a new-ish relationship and on paper we shouldn't work. He's religious, I'm not. I'm the fitter and more active one (I'm not mega fit, but I like long walks and he wouldn't be able to cope with the ones I might do) he likes lazing around, I like doing things, different politics.

On the other hand, he's the kindest person I know. He is a truly good person, we enjoy the same books and TV and he's just incredibly easy to spend time with. If I really wanted to have an outdoor adventure weekend then I would just do it with a friend or with my kids.

I suspect we would drive each other up the wall if we had to live together. But our temperaments are quite complementary. He forces me to relax, which I really need, and he says I inspire him to try doing different things.

Only time will tell, but I increasingly think that it's your core values that need to match rather than hobbies etc. As long as there's enough overlap for you to find things to do that you both enjoy.

The man you describe sounds really lovely. If you're happy and enjoy spending time with him then go with it. Enjoy the now and the rest will work itself out.

I am probably a bit similar to you and I would never get involved with a super sporty adrenaline junkie. It may work in the honeymoon phase but eventually you settle back into normal patterns and there's a fair amount of incompatibility there.

It's not saying you have to find someone just like you -- my DH is definitely more sporty and active than me, but he also likes a lazy Sunday afternoon at home, he doesn't do marathons or things like that. So it's not such a huge difference.

I wouldn't say break up with him but I'm not sure I would bank on a long term future.

Thank you all, I am taking all comments in. I can't imagine living with anyone again now, and certainly I'm not looking for a step dad for DC or anything like that. I just like him, he treats me well, he's kind, I fancy him - I suppose a bit of me thinks he could do better, some outgoing sporty type without all my baggage. But I suppose I need to trust he wants me, as I am, and not overanalyse.

Just take it day by day. Don't think ahead. Don't plan for the future. Just enjoy it for what it is. And who knows what will happen?

I would just see how it goes, there's no magic formula but kindness and consideration goes a long way (which he has so far)

I dated someone that was the opposite of me- very social, always on the go, didn’t like tv or having a lazy weekend at home. It worked for a while but after a while I got tired of always being out on the weekends and he got bored of me not being as social and spontaneous as he was. So it didn’t work in the end.

Now I know I rather be with someone that doesn’t get anxious just hanging around the doing nothing.