Threats

[DWF1]

I am just coming to realise that my partner is emotionally abusive.

Quite often if I disagree with him he will 'threaten' me with something. Its usually that he won't come somewhere we were going as a family or he will threaten to leave me.

The disagreements are usually very minor in nature.

I will usually agree to almost anything to keep the peace from what to have for dinner to where to go on a day out.

We all have disagreements but his reaction to them is disproportionate.

This is really controlling isn't it?

Very

So take him up on his threats.

Stay here then.
Pack your bags then I won't stop you.

Or are you scared of the potential escalation?

Yup.
Ltb.

Would be bloody brilliant if he left and thought it was his idea so he gave you enough time to change the locks xD

I'd struggle not to be like 'ok bitach, byeeee' if someone said that shit to me.

Absolutely get shot of him.

He's massively controlling op. What an ass.

Thanks.

I suppose I am always just too tired to deal with the escalation. The rage the upset.

I think I have been manipulated into a situation where i am responsible for everything so can't take the 'time out' to argue

So there's rage, too? This sounds bad.

My exh threatened all the time. Once he left for a week. Came back like I needed to be grateful.. A year
later I discovered he had been a twat of the highest degree...
I threw him out..
Oh the absolute joy I felt. The power!!
Was fucking fandabeedozee...

Euphoria at it's best!!
The feeling of taking control of your life op - nothing like it!

In the long run would you be less tired dealing with a confrontation than having to run around arranging everything "just in case he gets cross"?

Yes it's clearly controlling, you have said it controls things down to what is for dinner all the time.

You need to get rid of him, you know this surely?

Agree with PP. It's controlling and abusive. Sounds like he wears you down constantly to ensure that he always gets his way. It must be very difficult living like that and it's not nice for the children.

As suggested upthread - what would happen if you called his bluff? Went out without him? Let him leave? Sounds like everyone else might be rather relieved.

And yes, he will make you feel like it's all your fault. The abuser's sense of entitlement is huge and his/her default position is that everyone else is at fault for everyone that is not exactly as the abuser wants it. But he's an adult and it's not your job to fix everything for him. Family life requires all kinds of compromise and give and take and if he's not up for that then he's of very little use in the family unit.

Do you have DC together. Who owns the property you live in.

Very controlling. Call his bluff and let him leave or just leave him yourself, what you have described is not a nice way to live.