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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I expecting too much?

26 replies

WTAFFF · 13/09/2021 14:23

I have an appointment to remove my iud. I have waited for nearly a year for this appointment and had no choice over the time or date.

I have just asked my DP of seven years if he would take me just in case I feel unwell afterwards.

He’s replied that he will so long as he has nothing on at work. There’s nothing in his diary at the moment but he seems to be suggesting that if someone puts a meeting in his diary for the hour that it will take him, he won’t be able to take me. It also doesn’t seem to have occurred to him that he can block his diary for that hour.

Is it me? Am I being a wimp or is this just a bit shit?

OP posts:
Hekatestorch · 13/09/2021 14:25

Depends on his job.

Sometimes I can block and hour out. Sometimes, as senior leadership I would be expected to cancel what was in.

Its also harder for self employed people, to turn down paid work.

AnaViaSalamanca · 13/09/2021 14:27

YABU. It’s in the middle of the working day.

Original poster
WTAFFF · 13/09/2021 14:27

Sorry I should have said. He works flexible time for a local authority in an officer capacity. He has no management responsibility. He often sails into work at 10am if he fancies a lazy morning.

OP posts:
peboh · 13/09/2021 14:28

It's really dependent on your job, management etc.
I wouldn't expect dh to take time out of work for me for a simple procedure like that personally.

TheFoundations · 13/09/2021 14:28

Who do you think sets the rules about what 'too much' is?

Justmuddlingalong · 13/09/2021 14:31

From personal experience.. I went alone, removal took 1 minute, was totally painless and I just got on with my day afterwards.

Original poster
WTAFFF · 13/09/2021 14:34

@Justmuddlingalong - that’s actually really reassuring. I’m just really nervous about it.

Also the appointment isn’t in the middle of the day- it is before 10am.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 13/09/2021 14:52

I hope you're not getting it taken out so you can have a baby with him? Because if you remotely suspect that he is a cold, unsympathetic selfish git, then I certainly wouldn't be doing that!

Hadjab · 13/09/2021 15:41

I’m on my third one. The first was painless, the second hurt like hell for a bit, but I was still able to walk home just fine. Take a couple of painkillers before you go in.

JorisBonson · 13/09/2021 16:13

The removal is nothing. Quick cough and a tug and that's it. Felt no different to a smear for me.

JordieLass · 13/09/2021 17:32

Regardless of what the appts for, you’ve asked for support and something is holding him back from stepping up. Is he normally this relaxed/not bothered?

category12 · 13/09/2021 17:41

@Pinkbonbon

I hope you're not getting it taken out so you can have a baby with him? Because if you remotely suspect that he is a cold, unsympathetic selfish git, then I certainly wouldn't be doing that!
This.

If this is typical of him, then having a baby isn't going to change him.

girlmom21 · 13/09/2021 17:52

You won't need him to take you but I'd think carefully about having it removed/no replacement if work takes priority over a half hour (including travel presumably) break to help you out.

BrendaBubbles · 13/09/2021 18:11

YANBU, I expect my DH to take time off to come with me to any doctors appointment

ImprobablePuffin · 13/09/2021 19:14

Echoing PP - if you're having it removed in order to make babies with this guy then I strongly suggest you keep that sucker in!

Suprima · 13/09/2021 19:16

@WTAFFF

I have an appointment to remove my iud. I have waited for nearly a year for this appointment and had no choice over the time or date.

I have just asked my DP of seven years if he would take me just in case I feel unwell afterwards.

He’s replied that he will so long as he has nothing on at work. There’s nothing in his diary at the moment but he seems to be suggesting that if someone puts a meeting in his diary for the hour that it will take him, he won’t be able to take me. It also doesn’t seem to have occurred to him that he can block his diary for that hour.

Is it me? Am I being a wimp or is this just a bit shit?

He’s literally just told you how little he cares about you

Listen to him

Suprima · 13/09/2021 19:16

And you want to reproduce with him

Christ

Original poster
WTAFFF · 13/09/2021 19:25

No, I’m getting it out because it’s out of date. I have no plans to get pregnant with him. I will be going back on the pill.

Thanks for your replies everyone. It has made me feel so much less nervous about getting it removed.

OP posts:
TractorAndHeadphones · 13/09/2021 19:28

Perfectly understandable to be nervous. Not a good sign if he doesn’t want to commit to taking you without a reason.

category12 · 13/09/2021 19:29

@WTAFFF

No, I’m getting it out because it’s out of date. I have no plans to get pregnant with him. I will be going back on the pill.

Thanks for your replies everyone. It has made me feel so much less nervous about getting it removed.

Oh good.

Yes, having it out is much easier than insertion.

WillowintheUK · 13/09/2021 22:19

@BrendaBubbles

YANBU, I expect my DH to take time off to come with me to any doctors appointment
You can’t go to the doctor without your husband? 😳
layladomino · 13/09/2021 22:43

Why on earth would you need your husband to go with you to the Doctor's? (not you, Op).

My DH only came with me to GP / hospital appts when I was very ill and couldn't physically get there alone. I wouldn't expect him to come to appts normally, or vice versa. That's just wasting time.

Original poster
WTAFFF · 28/09/2021 09:39

So it’s today. I’m really nervous. Just sitting outside waiting to go in.

My DP hasn’t even remembered anything about it and has gone to work without even saying that he hopes it goes well.

I’ll just be glad when it’s over.

OP posts:
TheChip · 28/09/2021 09:43

You'll be fine OP. Sorry your husband has been a bit shitty when you're feeling nervous about this. His support would have have nice.

Fingers crossed its as quick and as painless as others have said it isFlowers

Viddy2021 · 28/09/2021 10:15

Hope it goes well!

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