Sorry - epic post.
My older daughter met her current partner when her daughter (my DGD) was 6 months old.
(She left her previous partner after he financially abused her - lived off her money whilst he saved his - he kicked her in the stomach when she was 20 wks pregnant so she came back to live with us.) The pregnancy was unplanned because her new prescribed medication absorbed (sequestered) the birth control pill (she wasn't told of this side effect).
Her current partner financially abuses her. They moved to a shared ownership house about two and a half years ago. It's all in her name as he didn't earn enough to be on the mortgage. The bills are in her name.
He's paid her £500 per month since they moved in together.
She's just finished two consecutive maternity leaves. She went back to work July and was made redundant in August. Her savings have gone, paying the bills the last couple of months as she could only go back to her job part time.
She's found a job straight away but it is 20 hrs a week. Her partner is refusing to step up and pay the shortfall in bills and food shopping. He won't pay more than £500 that he 'agreed' to pay when they got the house.
We are subsidising her at the moment.
She wants him out. She can't stand the sight of him. He makes her skin crawl. He is self employed but he says her earns very little??? He says when his overheads are paid he's left with £500 which he gives her?
He does zero with the three children. He goes to his workshop early and comes back after they are in bed. He cycles evenings and weekends. He often goes cycling Friday to Sunday.
Lately he's been saying he's working 24/7 and not coming home for days on end? Sometimes he creeps in at 4am/5am and sleeps on the sofa. This has been where he's been sleeping since my daughter returned to work. Today he hasn't been home for five nights.
I went to her house so she could go 'spy' on him one evening and he wasn't at his workshop. It was locked and in darkness. When she rang him:
DD: where are you?
Laughing boy: workshop!
DD: I'm at the workshop. You aren't.
LB: I'm just in drive through getting food.
DD: your dinner is on the worktop.
LB:
She asked her father to be at her house when she tells him to leave. Which is what will happen sometime this month.
I told her to get some figures together so she can apply for UC. She was looking for the council tax bill and found a screwed up letter between some folders. It was addressed to LB at his father's house. It was a demand for unpaid child maintenance going back years. He has two sons (teenage, just) born 10 months apart. My daughter's sons are born 10 months apart 😳
- She didn't know they existed.
- He doesn't pay maintenance.
- I feel like my daughter has been abused - but I can't fully explain it.
Do you think she will be able to financially manage on her own with three children?
Could she get any help with childcare costs?
How do you find out what financial support you can claim?
She appears to be coping very well emotionally? Could I be missing something?
I'm so worried about my poor daughter all on her own.
It's made me feel very low and I am worried for their futures.
I child mind for both my daughters so I have children five days a week. I see both daughters (with their children - both have partners massively into sports) on Saturday and lately my older daughter with her three children on Sunday.
I almost feel bereaved at the loss of their family unit.
I know we have to step up for her and make sure the children have positive male role models.
(Where do you find them?)