Driving..

[Namebunny]

Sorry, just curious as to how this would be viewed.
I picked up Dp from the train and was a bit lost so asked him for directions or to put the sat nag on. ( sat nav! But sat nag is pretty good!)He said he’d drive, it’s easier as he knows the way. I just got cross and said, I didn’t ask you to drive, I asked you for directions. It doesn’t sound too great written down, but I’m so fed up of him telling me what lane to be in etc. I then get flustered and doubt myself so actually become a much worse driver when he’s in the car.
He says it’s not his fault someone tooted, I said, fine you drive I don’t want to. And swapped over.
I’d had a lovely weekend and felt really close to the kids and confident and then somehow felt all rubbish. Was I wrong to get fed up of being told how to drive? I think I’m super sensitive as I was once driving with him and his mate who told him not to be so controlling. It’s like I’m on hyper alert for controlling and now don’t know what’s normal.

I think its important that you listen to your feelings that you don’t feel comfortable around him. Maybe make a journal and note down how situations evolve , how he talks to you, how you felt at the time. You will get a better perspective on whether you want to continue with this relationship.

Well...
Don't ask for directions if you don't want him to give instructions?
That sounds like a tricky situation- you want his help/ you aren't confident, but get frustrated when he tells you what to do?

Who are you frustrated with? Yourself for not having more confidence when driving, or him for instructing you?

Does he often infantalise you in other areas of your life?

It IS annoying when someone give unsolicited advice. Perhaps in the future, have the sat nag ( 😀) set so it eliminates the need for asking him.

Meant to say- if he pipes up, just 1) say a cheerful 'thank you' ( IE try to avoid getting upset by it while you're driving)
Or say 'shhhhh, I'm concentrating'

And maybe have a conversation with him ( not in the car) that you want to boost your confidence, and would appreciate him letting you get on with it.

I'm kind of with spotcheck. From what I'm reading, you asked him for directions...... he did what was asked (after all, someone directing me through a town is going to involve "keep over to the left here, as we're coming off in a bit and you don't want to be stuck in the wrong lane" type instructions.
Now you are cross at him

Do you mean telling you what lane to be in when you've asked directions, which is fair enough, or unsolicited advice on your driving? Stbxh makes comments about what he thinks im doing wrong when I'm driving, I'm always on edge when he's in the car. Me and DC in car, fine, me driving with stbxh instant anxiety and second guessing myself, so I don't drive when he's there unless it's completely unavoidable.

Driving is dripping with sexist norms! I'm a much better driver than DH and enjoy it more than he does. It the amount of men who think driving and navigating is men's work!

If men are particularly bad I stop the car and ask them to get in the back seat (I'm looking at you FIL). That only ever happens once.

If you want to drive but are unsure of the way sort out Google maps as you want it set up and ignore him. That's what my H does.

I am a terrible passenger seat driver, but I know this and H just sighs most of the time. Think "there's a truck there, people ahead are braking" annoying. I am trying to get better and be "helpful" mainly by shutting up. I would like to point out H is the better driver, does all long distance he knows what is going to happen and accepts it with as much grace as he can.

From your op it sounds as though you asked for him directions and he offered to drive as it's easier. Which he probably said because he knows you don't like him giving you instructions and get upset by it. So to avoid that he offered to drive. It sounds like it was probably a sensible thing of him to offer.

If however he regularly criticises / puts you down in all areas of life then you clearly have a problem and that is not OK.

But @MrsTerryPratchett, the OP asked her dh to direct her ......

If you don't want him to direct you and you don't want him to drive then just pull over and put the sat nav on yourself.

@Kite22

But *@MrsTerryPratchett, the OP asked* her dh to direct her ......

But she didn't ask him to drive.

Thanks guys.
To be clear I used the sat nav to get there and when I said I needed to set it to get back he said he’d drive he knows the way. Which is fine, but he’d just been telling me how tired he was and yes, he ALWAYS gives unsolicited advice. Which is why I got cross. I’d just spent a weekend alone and with a male friend who makes me feel respected and competent and suddenly all the good drained away and I was back not being able to do a simple thing like drive. Also had been discussing with friend how awful it is if someone waves you into a parking space. He’d been parking and I wouldn’t have dreamed of waving him in unless he asked.
I got flustered and tooted at which he said was my fault ( obv it was) but I said, yes I get flustered when you are in the car, he said, ‘it’s not my fault you are trying to blam me’ which didn’t seem too helpful.
This has helped a lot. Just let him drive - or drive knowing he’ll be a prick.
Just realised also I seem to have a few bullies in my life. Must be something about me and I will ask in another thread if anyone has tips. Google seems to be an open pit of suggestions!
Thanks for this x