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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My dad doesn’t talk to my mum

28 replies

lilymelsx · 12/09/2021 18:41

Please can someone help me..I’m not a mum but I live with my mum and dad who have been married for 30+ years and my older sister who is 27, my other sister has moved out. my mum does ALL the housework, all the cooking etc if my dad leaves a plate or anything out my mum will just clean it up, he never asks if she needs help even though she works full time and the thing is my dad doesn’t speak to her at all or ask how her day is, my sister said he treats her like a slave basically. But my mum doesn’t mind? He won’t even sit next to her in front of the tv most of the times. Today it’s their wedding anniversary and my mum got him a present and he just got a card, she went to hug him and he said no and walked straight past. I get upset about it all and I don’t know if this is normal or what :/ he hasn’t always been like this.. and you can’t speak to my dad because he just turns it in to an argument or tells you to shut up, please does anyone have any advice, Thankyou

OP posts:
Sakurami · 13/09/2021 10:28

Hi op. Unfortunately, you've talked to your mum and she doesn't want to do anything about it. She knows how you feel so maybe just leave it. Be as helpful as you can be but don't add to her stress by keeping going on about it.

Seaoftroubles · 13/09/2021 10:44

All you can do is support your Mum and encourage your sister to do the same. Certainly don't wait to be asked to do your share of the chores! There are many entitled men like your Dad and many women like your Mum who put up and shut up. If you've already discussed the situation with her then she's well aware and sadly probably doesn't want to rock the boat. I agree with previous posters, you (and your sister) need to move out, gain autonomy over your lives and get some space from your Dad.

PBob · 17/09/2021 08:42

My beautiful DDs, aged 23 and 21 are both adventurers and out of nowhere I’m suddenly finding myself worrying about their personal safety. The elder, a medical student, has bought a little narrow boat and will live aboard, alone, from next week. It’s in a secure, gated marina, but in a slightly rough part of the city centre. My younger DD is a linguist, about to start her year abroad placements in Portugal and Spain. Pre-pandemic they’ve both been lucky enough to travel extensively - often solo - and have shown themselves to be independent and bold. The world seems such a different place post-pandemic or maybe it’s just that my mind is playing tricks on me! Please share your top tips and reassurance for this dithery mama. Any recommendations for the best brand of personal alarm would also be appreciated.

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