Having kids has broken me, aversion to touch/sex etc

[bandbaby86]

I have a 4 year old and a 4 month old and I am just so lost with how to fix myself.

My relationship is hanging by a thread because I have absolutely no sex drive and haven't really since I became pregnant with my first child. I always forced myself to have sex and just couldn't wait for it to be over most of the time and now since having my second baby I just can't even bring myself to. I do breastfeed and have breastfed both so not sure if this is another reason.

It's not even just sex I don't even want to be cuddled or stroked or touched at all anymore. I instantly recoil.

I don't know what's happened to me. I feel broken. I used to be a much happier and affectionate person.

I love my partner and he is my best friend but it feels like we are just roommates now and the stress of having kids and the mundane every day (housework/work/kids/finances) just causes bickering constantly.

I just want to be myself again, I feel so lost and not sure what to do.

You have birth 4 months ago, you are breastfeeding. You have someone attached to you pretty much all day.

At 4 months post partum the very thought of having a cuddle or sex or anything in between made my skin crawl. I was knackered, sore and completely touched out. I used to put the other children and the baby to bed and then sit on the one of the sofa just NOT BEING TOUCHED BY ANYONE, because if they did, I would have killed them in a trice.

It (generally) comes back, your head and body are in new baby and mum mode, bit lover mode, that's ok.

As soon as I read the title breastfeeding instantly came to mind.
I breastfed both my children and am currently pregnant with the third, who will also be breastfed.
I've been exactly the same the whole way through apart from my actual pregnancies, during which I stopped breastfeeding.
It definitely is hard and I would mention this to your partner. There's a reason other breastfeeding animals are so aggressive to males, I can only imagine they feel the same 😅

I didn't breastfeed but I did have a Velcro baby and omg I wanted to be left. Alone. She's 4 now and I am still struggling with this.

During breast feeding your aversion to your partner is natures way of preventing pregnancy whilst the bodies resources are already stretched.

However, there was a big gap in your pregnancies and if you felt the same even when you werent breast feeding have you explored whether this is just you having "the ick" with your current partner and you can imagine shagging someone else... or have you no sex drive for anyone?

If its the first, its a partner problem. If its the latter, its an entirely different problem.

Breastfeeding definitely plays a role hormonally in lowering libido. The feeling ‘touched out’ is completely understandable too. I always feel more affectionate towards my partner when they make an effort to understand how tricky being a mum of a baby is. If they can regularly take the baby/ your 4 year old at the weekend to let you have a lie in or an hour of me time I’m sure that will help in helping you reconnect with your old self again,

I totally get this. Mine are older now but I still have remnants of JUST LEAVE ME ALONE… The noise, the being touched, being sat on, having your hair pulled or boobs squished or feet trodden on, or hand yanked or being flopped on, drooled on, food smeared on.

And - AND - my clothes are smaller and my body is bigger so I don’t move around as comfortably.

You’ve lost a lot of physical and emotional space. I think it’s normal to feel like this.

After being mauled by kids and giving so much of my body to kids, the LAST thing I wanted was to then get jiggy.

My libido is low. It did come back a bit when I stopped BFing (18 months with both DC) but you are in the thick of it….

What does your DH say?