I'm trapped and don't know a way out of this mess.

[TrappedHelp]

I can't leave him, I couldn't afford the house alone, I couldn't even afford rent alone.

I'm on maternity leave but my pay is shit when I go back anyway but not enough to claim anything I don't think. I earn 22k but with a mortgage, bills, food and nursery on top I just don't know what to do.

My family gave us the deposit for our house so I don't want to walk away with nothing but he's insisting I'd be the one to leave (with our young baby son, what a hero).

Didn't see your latest post before I posted. At best he sounds really entitled and toxic. Get legal advice first on if leaning the family home makes any legal difference. If it doesn't and you can afford to move out I'd move out, better for your MH.

It sounds silly but I've spent all evening crying because if we split up he'll take the dog. I absolutely love our dog. But realistically he'd be better suited for him because he can take him to work and I can't. I feel heartbroken over even just that it sounds so stupid.

Tell your family what is going on.

I don't think Women's Aid and the Freedom Programme would be a bad idea in light of your updates, but I'd probably still prioritise the legal advice.

Take control. You sound like you're so used to him being in control that you've forgotten you can take charge of your own life. You're not helpless here unless you choose to be.

Get legal advice. As primary carer, you are more likely to be awarded an occupation order for the house, plus your family forked out the deposit. He’s a prince, isn’t he, telling you you’re the one that will be leaving! Do not leave the house. Get evidence of his earnings (salary slips etc) if possible.

do not leave the house

it will be hard but play hard ball and do not leave, this will make things harder

treat this as a business transaction and get bloody good legal advice.

I haven't read the full thread bu have scanned through,

He sounds exactly like my ex husband. It's all 'performative equality' until you have a baby and he realises you are trapped and your options are limited because of this. I was in your exact situation. Married to an abusive, very financially abusive and disrespectful arsehole, he never EVER thought I would leave him but I did. In the middle of the day without warning.

I went to my family. My family was sanctuary so I could regroup and rebuild. Do you have that option? I know people say don't leave the home but sometimes space and distance is good. It also means you have that support network which you will need.

Could you go to a safe place? One of the best tips I had at that time was registering an interest in the property as 'home rights' it's very easy to do online and you don't need a lawyer. If you are married it means he can't sell the house from under you. If you can, get a lawyer. A good one. When I lived back home it meant I could save, save, save. And I felt safe.

It's hard and I really feel for you. You do not have to accept this and you can have a good life away from this person who disrespects you. This is no way to live.

Please tell all of this to your parents, you need someone to be there for you.

After reading your posts I think leaving him will be the making of you. Good for you for not putting up with this crap anymore

Give him a taste of being separated. Do you have a spare room? Move into that or sons room and stop doing any of his washing, ironing , shopping , cooking for him etc go on strike effectively and carry on with what you want to do looking after your self and your son.
Don't leave the house

I wish you luck Op. unfortunately, it will not be much easier for you with such a young child. You will not live the humiliation day to day anymore so is important you leave if you do not feel happy.

It's not stupid to feel sad about the dog.

Like everyone is saying, get proper legal advice. My best friend felt similarly to you, that she was doomed, but she really wasn't. And she had four dc. After a year she was in a great position. Her ex told her a load of nonsense too.

The good news is that you haven't wasted decades of your life and that you have a supportive family.

Yes get proper legal advice. It pays for itself over and over. I had a house with an ex and he got all his deposit money back and didn't get my inheritance. The solicitor was so kind to me and did a tremendous job. Also you'll get plenty of tax credits. You can do this! I know what it is to feel defeated but you are not.