Ignored after one night stand but I feel we had a connection

[Medusamemoi]

I’ve name changed as embarrassed about this whole situation. I met a man on Friday night in a bar and he ended up coming back to mine and we slept together. The sex was alright but not amazing, but he had such a lovely personality and I genuinely feel like we had a real connection. In the morning we lay in bed chatting for ages and he had breakfast with me etc. Before he left he asked for my number and told me to text him mine and that we could for a drink. I know this is probably standard post ONS chat but at the time he seemed like he genuinely wanted to go for the drink. Anyway I text him afterwards just saying this is my number. He hasn’t responded. I’m a bit gutted because even if he had said something like “thanks for last night” at least it would have been an acknowledgement. I now feel really embarrassed that I totally misread the situation, he obviously didn’t like me at all even enough to send me a very basic text, not as though I was trying to get into a proper dialogue. I feel really low about it today and confused that I can have misread something to such an extent. Has this happened to anyone else?

Maybe he's just busy at the moment

It's only been just over 24 hours I wouldn't assume much yet he might be working out when he's free to see you next or just playing it cool and not wanting to seem to keen .

Some men just behave like this though. Often if they're fairly easy going and in touch with their own emotions they find it easy to connect with women. He might have connected with you in the moment but has no inclination to form a particular connection with you. These ones sting the most. A couple of times in my life, just a couple, I've ended up thinking, ''really? really?! you're going to let this go?''. It's so weird and it hurts.

It's not about how likable you are.

This how an ONS works.

If they aren't for you, stop doing them.

Also some guys ask you to text them as 'retrospective proof of consent'. Grim, I know.

I'm sure he had a great time, but it was an ONS. They're often quite tender, fun and intimate.

They only accidentally lead to anything more, and often then only with subsequent heartache: he was not looking for a relationship. It doesn't mean he thinks badly of you. X

Married.

Sure you’ve got the right number?

Yes definitely the right number, it’s WhatsApp so can see his photo. We are also following each other on Instagram so doubt he’s married/in a relationship.

I totally know it’s normal not to contact a ONS again and it not mean anything, it just seems like basic human decency though to respond to a text with a persons number (that you have asked for) with an acknowledgement.

Oh well, not much I can do about it now, I’ll be more weary in the future.

I now feel really embarrassed that I totally misread the situation, he obviously didn’t like me at all even enough to send me a very basic text, not as though I was trying to get into a proper dialogue. I feel really low about it today and confused

With respect, OP, it doesn't sound as though you're emotionally robust enough to be shagging randoms you meet in bars.

Rejection kinda goes with the territory.

Do you mean weary in the future?

I think you can only enter into these things if you accept that they might only mean something in the here and now.

I also think if you're hung up on instant responses already, you're perhaps not in the right head space for casual sex.

Do something to cheer yourself up and try not to dwell on it.

Give him time!

"Also some guys ask you to text them as 'retrospective proof of consent'. Grim, I know."

Personally, I can see why they might do that

It is a shame if he doesn't contact you (he still might) but yes it seems as if this was a ONS and nothing more (fair enough).

I would be cautious if he does text you back in a few days etc, he might be just setting up a booty call situation and if you don't want this, best not to respond.

The ones you like you chase you in my experience, especially when you've established there is a connection

It's happened to me a few times. ONS were not for me but I carried on doing them even though they made me feel like shit.

Tbf he may still text you! But if not, don't take it personally. Men are much better at casual sex than women

This is standard ONS behaviour.

If you have a ONS this is highly likely to happen.

If you don't like it, don't do it again.

Move on, it as pp said, don't have ONS as they're not for us with more sensitive feelings over such things

I think OP means wary= cautious rather than weary= tired.

When I was young and single I had a period where I had several ONS. I reached the conclusion that it's much simpler to enjoy them for what they are, say goodbye in the morning and don't exchange numbers. That way you aren't wondering or waiting.

Sorry to hear this OP, it's obviously upsetting when you feel you've had a genuine connection. But consider it to be a lucky escape - someone who can play you like that isn't someone you want to be in a relationship with. It's no reflection on you - he obviously liked you and enjoyed being with you. But for him it's just a fun game.

People telling you to wait for him and saying he's probably busy - nope. If he liked you he would have texted back. But now he has your number, you may be on the booty call list and might find yourself getting some kind of low-investment text from him at some point. So if that's not what you want, you need to be very clear about your boundaries and DO NOT mistake this for a 'I really like you' text. It will be a booty call.

I really like Matthew Hussey's videos on youtube about flirting and dating - you might find some good approaches there. His basic message is 'raise your standards' in order to attract quality people into your life. Good luck with it all OP.

It's quite usual for ONS to go along these lines, and not sure why you don't realise this. You can't just meet a random man in a bar or wherever, and then sleep with him straight away, and think you have a great connection with him. You should not get carried away with notions like this.

Yes, i never slept with anybody unless there was the illusion of a connection and i was often so trusting and so optimistic and i trusted in that connection :-/
Tough lessons learnt the hard way.

It's difficult when you feel that connection, because it doesn't always happen.

When I was younger I had many ONS, most were either just convenience (a body there at a time when I wanted to be with someone) or physically hot but no real personality. So with both those types I didn't care if I never heard from or saw them again in fact it was a relief.

But there were a few over the years I did feel a real connection with, and never heard from after that night. I think now I am a lot older and hopefully a little wiser I can see a lot of it was either their perception of me - in my early 20s I had my own house, a career, and the type of guys I met were often living at home, working in unskilled jobs etc so I felt intimidating in the cold light of day. Or they may have been married/ going through a breakup. I have a male colleague who when his LTR was breaking down went out and had many dates and ONS but never called them again because he just wasn't in a place for a relationship (I think he should have been upfront with them about that, and with hindsight he sees it as a dick move - literally).

I've also not called...when I was about 23 I met this guy who was great, we had one of those amazing nights. He gave me his home number (this was before mobiles were commonplace) when I called he wasn't there, his little brother who was about 5 answered and passed phone to his mum...at which point I remembered the guy I'd met was only 18 and had just finished A levels and I just thought this is ridiculous what am I doing he's far too young and said I'd call back and put the phone down in a panic. And never did.

He may still call OP, and if he doesn't at least you've been reminded that those connections can and do happen and hopefully next time it will lead to something more.

I still think the next day is really early to be texting . When I met dh he gave be his number and I left it about a week to text him - didn't want to appear to eager and had a lot on with work - this was back in 2003 though when people were not as attached to their phones as now but I would be put off if someone had called me the next day so I really wouldn't be to down about it yet

Thanks all. It’s such a horrible feeling, I won’t be doing it again that’s for sure.

I've had ONS that I've felt we have had an 'amazing connection' but he did not.

I've had ONS where he's given me his number and it has led to more shags.

I've had ONS where I've given him my number and it led to dating.

I've had ONS where he's stayed all day the next day and then never heard from him again.

I've had ONS that sneak out before I even wake up (my faves).

I wouldn't panic yet but I think you need to be aware that most ONS are just that, ONS. They don't usually lead to any. The most mine have led to are a few dates and I have had MANY ONS. The men I've ended up in a relationship with are the ones I've held back on the sex with.