Am i controlling

[Luccia12]

So me and husband got back after a few weeks split i took n left with my 3dc

I had no intention of getting back but guess he made me think effort would be put in the relationship. More or so wanted communication, time. I do everything for the kids, i pay towards bills also, basically fo everything till dcs are in bed. We agreed that he would go gym 3 days a week whilst i do something for myself 1-2days a week. As hes not agreeing he said pay for my membership then ur controlling il do what i want.

Hes turned around and said il be going 4-5 days that means he will coming back later after work. He usually doesn't get in from work 10pm and leaves 8am

We spend 1 day as a family but that's not always. He doesn't communicate with me in the day either.

Am i being needy and controlling, thats what he thinks of me. Honestly my mind feels messed

From what you've written, it sounds as if he's walking all over you but it also sounds like there is more going on.

Wanting your husband to contribute to family life is not 'controlling.' It's normal. What's abnormal is working 15 hours a day and then choosing to go to the gym to eat up more family time. I don't understand why he agreed to have children if he didn't want to spend any time with them.

There's a reason to his absence OP if you can find out what that is then perhaps you can talk. Maybe a few sessions with a relationship guidance counsellor can get to the bottom of it. Either/or the present system isn't working.

You're not controlling. You're asking for respect and consideration. Why did you get back together?

So you do everything for everyone else and he does everything to suit himself and you're the one with the problem? Yeah right. You went back because he said he wanted to fix things but his actions say he couldn't give a shit about fixing anything beyond shutting you up and doing exactly what he likes.

I feel like doesnt understand. I said u can go 3 days a week also have time with mates but u need to let me have equal time etc. His reply is well i work hard, go work for me then. Being a mum is equally hard with no break.

What made me get back is my family n him because he said he felt lost without us he was parting the whole time, trashed. He said he really understood how he needs to be present etc. In that time his hardly been here, also this today and told me hes got things to do today so he will have a think about what he wants from the relationship lol @girlmom21 @username12345T

This man doesn’t care about you, only about himself. Split up, make him have the children every other weekend and he might just find some fricking respect for everything you do. Maybe.

He sounds very immature OP and I can't understand why he had children when he is clearly still a child himself. He sounds like a prick. What father works over ten hours a day then tries to bully more 'me' time out of his exhausted wife, plus makes her pay for the privilege. You're not a team OP.

He had been busy with work after we got back together.. But never once he even sent a small text to even see if we r ok. Told me im needy etc.

I dont see this man all day till 11pm by then im finished, the least i expect is a little text or call. Im always the one trying

Well it’s not changed, it’s got worse, so leave. End it for good.

Stop trying with him. If anyone is being controlling and unreasonable here it is your H and not you. What he is also doing here is giving you spaghetti head which is what abusive men do to their chosen target.

End this relationship for good. Its doing your children no favours to see such a poor relationship model.

He does understand. He doesn't think you're controlling. He is a bully and he thinks he can bully you.

Kick him back out.

Of course he missed you. He had to fend for himself while you were gone. Get rid. You & the children deserve better.

No change, so end it properly this time.

Get rid of him. He’s awful.

He hasn't changed has he? He just said what he needed to in order to get you back.

You aren't being needy, how is it a relationship when his priority is going to the gym & seeing his mates then plays at being dad one day per week.

Get rid of this disrespectful twat

Thank you guys exactly your words ive said to him. One day a week is bare minimum he should be here often. Told me my time is when my 4 year old is nursery, excuses. He forgets other ones r still at home with me or im doing errands. I literally get no break n i suffer from arthritis so its pure shit.

It’s not controlling to expect him to be a parent. The starting point should be that outside of his working hours everything is shared. So you split the household chores, split the child care, split the personal leisure time, etc.

Sadly that's what hes not understanding n telling me i dont need to listen to you. Hes been out all day since morning and still no idea of where his at no apologies for making me feel shit

Im always the one trying

Stop.

He doesn't want to understand he literally doesn't care. He wants you to put up and shut up.

Starting 2 feel resentful too n dont see anyway going back.

Good! He doesn't deserve you.

He does nothing so what have you to gain by staying with him? More chance of free time and him engaging with the DC if you separate permanently.

You can't reason with him. He wants to use the house as a hotel whilst making no investment in his relationship with you or the family. How did he manage to miss you when you were split up? He only looks after himself. He's worse than useless - bin him.

Youre in a relationship but you're on your own. Without him, you will be on your own but without the resentment. You will feel far better. He just has you hanging, waiting for him to put in some effort but it's never going to come.