My DP jealous advice needed

[gorgeousfeebie]

My DP got very moody that my exhusband whom I split up with 3 years ago came to my DS birthday party which was held at my house of which I own. DP & I have been seeing each other for a year. He said that he should not have come round & that I have put our relationship at risk and he also doesnt believe me that me & ex husband have not slept together since spliting. Also doesnt think I should wear perfume that an ex boyfriend bought me. But what annoys me is that he goes round to see his children puts them to bed etc & babysits so that his ex wife can go out & also dropped the bombshell that he is going to be spending all xmas day there & I dont say anything. Also noticed that he makes comments if I am going to go out with friends or speak to other males. Has anyone got any advice on what I should do. Is this jealous going to get worse? Sometime I think I should just end it but I am head over heels about him, & he knows this & I think maybe plays it to his advantage. Please help.

Assuming that your ex is your ds's dad, I think it's lovely that he came round for ds's birthday.

Your dp needs to understand that you will always have a relationship with exh, as you will always be ds's parents.

Sounds awfully jealous.

yes, i think this jealousy is going to get worse. next it's your friends and family and before you know it, you're alone except for him.

i'd call it a day and thank your lucky stars.

Sorry but he's being a hypocrite (to put it mildly). I would also be wary of him telling you who you are allowed to invite round and who you are allowed to speak to. If he's still like this after a year together then I can't honestly see him suddenly changing now. Sorry.

he sounds jealous and controlling.
not healthy IMHO

run fast in the other direction

Yep he sounds gealous, immature and also selfish, putting his insecurities about your relationship with ex ahead of your DS's happiness on his birthday.

Anyone that has one set of rules for themselves and a different set of rules for their partner isn't worth the effort tbh.

He's also showing you no respect, by trying to control what you do (the perfume) and who you are friends with. It iwll only get worse.

Leave. Now

Well I said the other night that you know that you will have to trust me as I have never lied to or cheated on anyone before & i am not going to start now. He said he cant honestly see him self changing even. I wonder if he is like this with me as his ex cheated on him numerous times during their marriage.

I know the advice everyone is giving is right its just having the courage to walk away.

Feel the fear re leaving him and do it anyway. I do not advocate leaving lightly but such behaviours often escalate.

The first twelve months of a relationship are supposed to be the happiest. This situation will not improve for you and by turn your son.

He's already making all sorts of unfounded accusations and requesting you not to wear a perfume that an ex bought you. He will continue to try and isolate you from your family and friends, I note he's making such comments already.

You don't want your son to have a stepfather like this man. What sort of role model is he to your son?. I personally think it was nice that your ex husband turned up to his son's birthday party. Many fathers lose contact with their children within two years of divorce so it is also nice for your son to see him for that reason too.

Would also suggest that you read "Why does he do that?" written by Lundy Bancroft. He writes at detailed length about controlling men and their behaviours.

There are many red flags here - it is up to you ultimately whether you choose to take note.

Yes I know that it is true about his ex wife cheating on him.

I always thought I was doing the right thing by remaining on friendly terms with my ex-husband for the sake of our son.

I have seriously taken on board all your comments & if I have another incident again I am walking away.

Its just the sense of failure of another relationship that hasnt worked out.

It's not your fault he is a nob. How can it be? Don't feel bad, feel proud that you have spotted this now.

Dump the DP. Jealousy is the number one tool of controlling, dangerous men. Yes, I said dangerous. The biggest trigger factor claimed by violent abusers is that they thought she was going to be unfaithful or had been even with no foundation. THough even if someone is unfaithful, that doesn;t justify physical violence.