Hello everyone - possible single womens opinion needed although, any opinion is welcome.
So - im 35 and been single 4/5 years. Whenever i meet a girl that i like and we start going on 2/3 dates etc which is rare, i get insecure. Reason being - ive been in quite a few scenarios in the past in which ive been dating a girl early days and its going incredibly well but it just doesnt work out and i dunno why. I think its so difficult to take off with someone dating .
Current situation - met a girl over instagram. We have been talking for 4 or so months and been out 3 times on dates.
This part of the story may be irrelevant but ill touch on it anyway ...
Initially for the first 2 months of talking before we met up, the plan was potentially having a no strings sex arrangement and we would meet up go for a walk and if we liked each other we could start it. after about 2 months of talking the convo changed from soley being about sex and we started to get to know each other. about 3 months of talking we met up as planned went for a walk, got on really well no awkward silences etc and even had a kiss - it was fab.
It became clear to me that i didnt just want no strings sex wth this girl - i really started to like her. I started talking about me us going out again and she then ghosted me.
2 weeks later after not speaking i messaged her asking if shes ok etc and i put it to her that i think the reason she ghosted me may be because the plan was always no strings then here i am asking for a 2nd date and she might of been like "what the hell are you on about 2nd date - that was never the plan"
She then started talking to me again apologising for being quiet her family had covid etc but never actually confirmed my theory on her going quiet was correct. So we started talking about no strings again she was asking my taboos etc .
about 4 weeks ago we spontaneously went on and ended up in a cocktail bar and had 1 drink and it was basically an unplanned date. We stayed out till 1am chatting all over each other ertc and i came away with my head battered cos again i realised even more that i liked her and wanted more than just sex.
We had a talk anyway and we both agreed to forget about any sort of plan , no putting titles on stuff etc and see how things go. I said if i had the choice of 10 dates and no sex or to just have sex id choose the 10 dates and she liked that.
Its all very confusing cos shes told me she not had sex in a year since she split with her ex, has never had a one night stand and always maes a guy wait 2/3 months into a relationship till they sleep together so her wanting no strings sex makes no sense - maybe it was some sort of defence mechanism and she never deep down wanted just sex and was telling me what i wanted to hear - who knows.
as i said - thats probably irrelevant to my current situation anyhow.
So things have been going well she said im boyfriend material etc we both want the same things she wants to meet someone and settle down and have kids etc so shes pretty serious about meeting somone and here i am boyfriend material apparently.
13 days ago her life started to crumble a bit. She had issues with her mum, her grandmas husband passed away (basically her grandad) shes been really ill and shes borrowed someone £400 an only family friend and shes struggling to get it back and instead shes getting a load of abuse from this person and thats really getting her down too.
Last sunday we went on our 3rd date and she explained that she had been in bed all day poorly she even felt poorly when we was out i could tell she wasnt right and she wasnt her usual self due to being poorly and with all the stuff thats going on in her life. I tried my best to cheer her up anyhow. I dropped her off and thought how good it was that despite being poorly, despite going through a really rough spell - she still came to see me.
That was last weekend - fast forward to this weekend shes gone away with her family for a little break away which is definitely needed. Im just struggling a bit and struggling how to deal with it all. She last messaged me a couple of days ago on thursday and i replied back then heard nothing. tried ringing her she didnt answer and yesterday morning i sent her a message saying i hope she has a good time away and to message me if she wants to and she didnt reply to that either. I also sent her a letter which got delivered wednesday cos she really love stuff like that and she text to say she had the letter and she will read it later but shes said nothing about it since.
Obviously shes being quiet with me cos of all the stuff thats going on. I know what its like when your feeling down - you do go quiet with people. I think i just need to carry on leaving her this weekend and give her some space, dont in any way moan to her cos thats adding to her problems and just try and chill but its really hard ha!
it fees like we have gone from enjoying this whole dating thing getting to know each other and ive had to slam the brakes on and take a step back an give her space.
Maybe she just needs to ride the rough storm and it will clear soon and i need to ride it with her too. I am going to leave her be this weekend but then again shes told me before if a guy doesnt bother with her for a few days she will take it that hes not interested and leave it so i also dont want to leave her for a bit its so hard haha then again the way i see it i tried to make contact a few times and even sent a cute letter so the ball is well and truly in her court to touch base with me soon.
I feel so sorry for her though cos u can really tell when speaking to her how low she feels and i sent her some roses but she got them just before her bad spell started so i got them a week too soon haha i just really care about her really like her so if anyone has any advice on how to handle this delicate situation please let know. is there anything more i can do for her to help her? i really do feel awful for her though shes such a sweet cute person :(