Fiancé had an affair.

[rosesarered5843]

I've been with my guy for 11 years. Things haven't been good for 3 year. I had a one night stand. He found out. Then a year later he had an affair. He fell in love with this other women. I think the affair has continued I'm sure for the last 9 month even tho he swears it hasn't. I love him and I want to make it work. I get the feeling the affair is over now as he's making more effort with me.

Will things get better.

Erm... no.

You’re not married. You’ve both cheated. Just leave. Run for the hills!!

I agree with PP... no they won't.

It sounds like you're clinging to something which has been over for the last 3 years. I may be completely wrong here but I'm guessing you got together young and have both outgrown the relationship but are afraid to let go. Most first loves don't survive a lifetime and there are good reasons for that. Sounds like it's time to move on.

Why are you so desperate for your relationship to be constrained by monogamy, when clearly it’s something you both suck at?

Sounds like this relationship has run its course op. You both need to face that I think, and move on, don’t get married - it won’t work out and you’ll be in a bigger mess. Just get out now

There are no signs that this is a good relationhip. Why would you want to keep trying? You would both clearly be happier not together. Do the kindest thing for yourself and leave.

You're considering marrying somebody based on the fact that you 'get the feeling' he's not having an affair any more?

Is this really how you want to feel about being engaged? 'He's probably not having an affair'?

Why don't you think you deserve better?

People in healthy relationships don't go out and have one night stands. The relationship was over before that even happened; otherwise it wouldn't have happened.

I think you need to write everything down and ask your fiancé to do the same- you need to be completely open and honest with each other. Only then will you know if you can carry on together....

No, things won’t get better. Unfortunately.

Its not worth it. Neither will ever trust the other. Unless the affair or 1ns was very early on in the relationship, then I can't see how you can get past either.

Both of you are untrustworthy this relationship has met its end you need go your separate ways.

No, it'll be a matter of time before one of you cheats again.

Is this the life you want? Don't tie yourself into a marriage built on these foundations.

The trust seems to be gone. Have you ever questioned yourself as to what was missing that made you cheat on him. Unless you both go to counselling and sit down and talk and are totally honest this will never work. But for me if affairs were involved I could not continue but only you know if you still love him and want it to work. If you both put in the time and really want it but if he is still lying about his affair it is over. Have you sat down and talked with him. Go with your gut feeling as it is always right. Take time out for yourself and do things you enjoy, keep yourself busy and time away may help you come to a decision.

I love him and I want to make it work.

But you had a one night stand. I would have thought that was the end of the relationship especially as he then had another relationship after.

Nope.

I think you are his ex-fiancee and he is your ex- fiance.

I don't think you love each other or should marry each other.

This sounds miserable. You can leave you know.

You both shagged someone else. It's not a great basis for a relationship is it? You cheated on him. Didn't tell him, then he found out.
Face up to it. It's over. Just get on with it and tell your families it's over and there isn't going to be any wedding.
You are not best friends, you just want to control each other.
You don't love him, you are just afraid to be on your own.