I don't know why I'm even asking this. Full disclosure I'm not NT so I struggle a lot.
I've been seeing a guy for a few months. It has been quite intense. In many ways we work really well together. He has said many times he's falling for me.
But I have a pretty awful past. I'm getting counselling now finally. But I struggle with trust.
We keep getting in situations where he gets upset because I don't trust him. I'm trying. I really am. But I find things hard sometimes.
Last night we were chatting over video. He said he wanted to see more of me. I messed around a bit but didn't feel comfortable showing him my body. The call went weird. He texted me after saying he just wanted 'normal' and that he felt sad.
I just feel like it's a kick in the teeth. I thought we were having fun and messing around. But if he doesn't get what he wants it all goes to shit and I feel 'abnormal'.
He was out last night and drinking. So I'm trying to think maybe that coloured his judgement. But it's always like this. I feel like I'm not good enough. But I know I'm a handful. I have a lot of issues to work through.
I'm just so sad and drained this morning. I'm meant to see him today. I dont even know if he wants me over and I have hours before I guess he'll wake up and I can't stop feeling shit.