I don't know where to start.
He pushed me over while I was holding DC2 and we were both hurt. Not massively but there was violence. I called the police since DC1 was also present and I saw the look of fear, confusion, hurt on their face. Social services were (rightly) involved but closed their case after the safeguarding assessment deemed them no longer at risk. He promised me the world and it's auntie that he'd do everything in his power to make it up to us. DC doted (still do) on him so I felt like I had no choice but to make it work for their sakes. I didn't press charges at the time because a) I was in shock b) I didn't want to ruin his career and c) since he was out of the house, I thought problem solved.
Anyway, he came back. Had another argument which escalated and while I was taking DC for a nap, he pushed me again and DC1 was hurt (fell against the door frame). He left and my priority was to calm the children down, carry on with nap time and then plan next steps while children were sleeping. Managed to get an appointment at GP to get DC1 seen and when I got back, I had a call from a social worker to say my husband had reported me to the police for assault. In shock, I asked her to come over the next day for a chat and as before, agreed to fully cooperate.
Anyway, fast forward to now, SW has put the children forward for a child in need (CIN) assessment. Gutted but the children are my priority so any help I receive will be gratefully received (I don't think there is any help though- they promised me the world last time and I rarely heard back from the SW at the tune). Anyway, the biggest kick in the teeth is that he's ruined my career- I work with children and I've been told my employer has been told about my DC being subject to a CiN. I've just received a call from my manager who has informed me that they can't risk having me around the children at the setting I work in and that I should contact my union for further advice except I'm not part of a union because I've only just started.
It's all over, I've ruined my children by exposing them to a toxic marriage, which resulted in them being hurt and now I've lost my career. I can't go on. I can't afford anything on my own since he was the one paying for everything.
His work won't be involved because he doesn't work with children or vulnerable adults. It's all on me. I feel like ending things but I can't leave my children. There is absolutely no help or support available. Ive been trying to call all the DV helplines out there and have left several
Messages since the first lockdown but they've never got back to me. What do I do?! I need a handhold and guidance on what to do next. I feel broken, humiliated (the SW teams investigating us are a team I've worked very closely with), I know the nursery staff well and now they all know what a shit life I've been leading and how I've put my children in harms way. Feeling hopeless atm.