Is my moaning pushing my partner away?

[Mamaof2222]

So recently my partner have not been getting on. We have a major disagreement about one particular subject that I will not bring up on here as we have been able to somewhat put that to bed. However it seems that my partner and I do not agree on anything anymore even the smallest topics can cause a huge blow up between us. When we argue he says that I moan and push him away which yes I do admit I moan slightly as I just feel with a new three month old baby and a child in year five it is quite tough on me. There are little things that get on my nerves i.e he NEVER comes to bed with me and stays in the living roomw arching TV until like 3am this makes me feel unloved and unappreciated and would love to just spend some time cuddled up in bed once baby goes down. Also the days he is off work he wakes up sits in Facebook for like an hour in the morning while I'm in the kitchen tidying up less from the previous night. If I try and bring something up he says all I do is moan and I am not happy if I am moaning. If I try to talk or just try to diffuse the arguement and move on he ends up still angry swearing and self putting himself being really sarcastic like "no I don't want anything to eat I'm scared I offend you/ no I don't want that I'm scared I make you cry" I understand he might want alone time but he does get that when he goes to take his long walk after work or just doing basic errands without me and the baby. In my head I get NO alone time and I know I signed up for this when I had a baby but I just want to feel appreciated again and this probably comes out as moaning. I feel like if we don't make changes now we will get into really bad habits of arguing which I really don't want to do.

Who died and made this man king?. He sounds utterly dreadful and both your children, particularly the eldest child, will be picking up on such a dreadful atmosphere within this home. You're doing seemingly everything re housework and the childcare whilst he's watching tv till all hours and messes about on FB (doubtless telling the world what a great dad or man he is). I would think you are "moaning" at him mainly and simply because he is not pulling his weight at home. He on a wider level likely sees all that as your job by dint of fact that you are female.

You now have two children, you do not need a manchild too. How he talks to you as well is abusive in nature and designed to shut you down.

What is the situation re the property and finances?.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here?. Would you want them to be in a similar sort of relationship to what you are describing, no you would not. Its not good enough for you either.

So basically, he wants to do what he wants to do without any resistance from you. He sounds like a selfish dick to be honest. Does he bring anything positive to the table at all?

Feeling unloved and unappreciated can make anyone salty and argumentative, which just feeds the cycle of bad feeling. Your DH is not doing enough. Why can’t he tidy the kitchen at night before coming to bed? Why do you have to do it every morning?

Would you be up for cuddling on the sofa while watching a show together?

I get NO alone time and I know I signed up for this when I had a baby
No, you didn’t sign up for that. He should be taking the baby so you can have a long walk or whatever you want to do too.

What is he doing to help? If he’s got time to sit up until 3am then he’s got time to get up with both kids and do breakfast and school runs? How many school drop offs/pick ups is he doing? When he’s up until 3am is he getting up with the 3 month old? He’s selfish and a waste of space by the sound of it. Never mind moaning I’d be raging. Maybe you should make it clear that if you decide to split then he’ll be doing all of it alone every other weekend while you get to stay in bed Friday until Sunday resting. He won’t be getting his nights on Facebook then will he

No you didn't sign up for that when you had a baby. Come on. He did his bit to make the baby so he should be looking after the baby too. You also really really need some alone time. You deserve it just as much (of not more) than him. Looking after a 3 month old baby all the time is bloody draining with the lack of sleep and being constantly on demand...plus you have another child. Just listen to yourself! How on earth you can believe this man making you believe that you are being unreasonable is beyond me. He sounds like an absolute arse.

It would seem like the big argument, although settled, has not been left behind and there is either individual or mutual resentment and tension. He seems to be checking out of the marriage and withdrawing physically and emotionally. That could be fuelled by resentment or actual lack of feeling. Eventually it won’t matter the end point will be the same. No empathy or respect between you.

Based on your post he resents or doesn’t like his perception of your behaviour, being offended easily and crying when he disagrees with you. That’s all about a lack of empathy for you.

The relationship won’t last if this isn’t addressed. Even if you both address the rift, it could be that you aren’t right for each other. Better to accept that and separate then carry on as you are. Which is becoming toxic and isn’t a good environment for children.

I would say that I wouldn’t tolerate someone crying simply because we disagree. I would walk away from that. It’s manipulative unless the person is under additional emotional strain at the time.

'Your lack of respect for my feelings is pushing me away.'

What would he say if you said that to him?

It sounds like he has checked out of the marriage.

My exH staying up all hours never coming to bed with me and spending a lot of time on fb was the end of our marriage. He also got snippy and argumentative.

Turns out he was chatting up women on fb telling them what a cold wife I was.

Don’t moan, ask for what you want.

It sounds like he’s not interested anymore and would rather see what strangers are up to online. I’d put your foot down in a biiig way as he really needs to step up. Since when was he crowned king? This isn’t a healthy relationship for your older child to learn from.