A question about therapy. Please I'm desperate.

[PacketOfSkips]

I think I need more therapy.

It would need to he on the NHS because I don't earn enough at the moment to pay privately.

Physically and emotionally abusive upbringing. So much stuff. Just years and years of it that extended well into adulthood until I cut contact.

I've been in and out of therapy/counselling; had a psychological.assesent; had a CPN; private psychotherapy; group therapy; (not in that order) since I was 17.

I'm now 46, not NT, and I'm failing at life massively.

I don't want anyore therapy really. The last lot I went for was 2 years ago jut after the second session my work hours changed and I was no longer able to attend. But I'm failing at life and the urge to not be here is getting stronger. I need to do something.

But I'm scared of talking to the GP.again.

A retired psychotherapist friend of mine said she thought I needed long term exploratory psychotherapy to begin to address it all.

But I've been referred so often, had so much and none of it has worked. I understand myself.better now and can articulate the problem but I'm just powerless to change it on my own. I've tried.

Can anyone share their experiences of trying multiple types of therapy? Will the GP understand?

Will it actually work?

If you have a good GP s/he will understand. I’d say (as a Psychologist) that since you have had lots of therapy, including lots of psychotherapy (I assume you are referring to psychodynamic psychotherapy), it may be time to move on the working on coping strategies for the present and the future. There comes a point when going over the past is no longer helpful and the focus needs to move to your current issues and how you can address them in the here and now.

I think youd be better off seeing if you can get some anti depressants at this rate instead op. I'm all for therapy but I think there comes a point where all itll do for you is drudge up bad memories.

Perhaos learning some stress coping strategies would help though. Get yourself a stressball. And get out and walk a lot if possible. Sunshine and exercise may help.

See your gp. That's what they are there for. But I'd stop looking to therapy to fix your problems.

Also, why do you think you are 'failing at life's. Everyone fails technically, I mean, none life's hs get our alive. Maybe you are putting too much pressure on yourself? It would probably be better if you thought less, instead of more. Maybe spend money on a nice sunny holiday this time. Somewhere pretty. Take your mind off things.

*none of us get out alive

That's how I feel. That therapy just isn't working for me.

I've tried so hard over the years amd I have got something out of therapy each time I've done it but it just isn't working.

I practise self care, I have hobbies, I spend time in nature, I exercise.

But I wake in physical pain from the emotional distress and fall asleep with it every day. The stuff I do during the day only serves as a distraction from it.

My head and my heart of overwhelmed by it. Sometimes I can't breathe because of it.

I'm educated and intelligent but I can't hold down a full time job. I have few friends. I've met upnwoth a few people this sumer but all at my suggestion and I won't see or hear from them again until I suggest the next meet up. I'm incapable of foring or sustaining any mind of romantic relationship and I've never been loved.

I have a few unhealthy coping strategies that were things I used when much younger and I've recently realised they've crept back into my life.

A holiday and a walk through the woods just aren't going to cut it. I've done so much over the past 30 years to put this right and I can't.

It's not helping me to go over the past. No. Coping strategies might be a good idea. But I'm scared to go to my GP

I struggle with life admin, keeping on top of the house. I rent because I've never earned enough to save for a deposit to buy. The garden is unruly. I barely eat. Over the past 3 months I've really felt myself just spiralling downwards again.

I'm just weary of it. I don't want to be here anymore. I'm not going to do anything but the thought of another 30 years of this terrifies me.

I definately think an antidepressant might be the way to go op. But your gp will keep you right.

But in the kindest possible way, at what point do we stop blaming childhood for our choices in our adult life? Some of those things could be the result of left over trauma. But some of them are just...maybe just the way you are. Or even just, the way the world is.

Things like holding down a job...have you considered that maybe you could have adhd? Or some other underlying issue that could have been missed or mistaken for say, cptsd or similar?

Unfortunately we all go through times in life where things are a bit shit and we...just cant be arsed. And we all have horrors that keep us up some nights. I'm not saying this to belittle your experiences. I'm just saying that shit happens and sometimes, life sucks. But we just have to find our own ways to cope, as healthily as possible. And chances are you know you and what works for you best by now.

Maybe you could try some books on relevant issues to your childhood/current problems and have a read through yourself as an alternative to paying for therapy? Self help, y'know.

I've read books. I've done exercises it's never been any different. Yes, shit happens and life sucks at times but this is constant there's no respite from it ever.

Maybe it is just how I am but I don't want to be here any more if it is.

I just can't live like this any more.

I don't really know what works for me because there's no relief from it it's just a permanent emotional agony.

I rarely drink but I can see why people use alcohol to numb pain. It's the only time when I don't feel it.

Of course the GP will understand, it happens to a lot of people.

Especially as you couldn't even really begin one go at it due to logistical issues.

I've tried quite a few forms of therapy. I recommend EMDR (the NHS can offer it.)

You could also see if there are any other services offering free/low cost therapy locally too.

Don't reject medication out of hand, and if you've tried some and weren't happy with them, try others, or a different dose. There are loads of things they can try. Follow a course for a reasonable length of time.

Bless you @PacketOfSkips you are not having an easy time of it at the moment.
I really think you need to see your GP as pps have said as you sound very depressed.
Are you on any medication?

I'm just wondering (from what you've told us) is whether your brain is stuck in trauma mode (fight or flight) & that is why you are really struggling?

I am no expert & don't know your background but it sounds like EMDR therapy could help you, in the sense of resetting your brain.
www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/treatment/

Psychotherapy especially Psychodynamic psychotherapy is extremely using in helping you make sense of the past & how you reacted/behaved during that time.
But sometimes a bit extra may be needed to get those destructive memories & the thought patterns processed & tidied up/thrown out so they cannot hurt you anymore, hence me mentioning EMDR

It might be hard for you to see/feel this at the moment but it won't always be this way & you will feel better.

Sending you a very big unMumsnetty Hug

You sound v like me, OP, except I haven't already had years of therapy (but would really like some) but in my case, I have begun to think in recent years I probably have adult ADHD?

Is it worth exploring that? I too struggle with the holding down jobs, depression and being literally unable to keep on top of running a house etc, also rent.

I feel for you - know how demoralising it is. I also love being up in the middle of the night thanks to menopausal hormones! Yay! Who needs sleep!

If you haven't previously, maybe worth having a look at online tests for adult ADHD in women? - online tests are not as reliable as being officially diagnosed, but might give you an indication if ADHD could be a possibility in your case. Remember that ADHD in women presents very differently to in men or boys so you don't need to be physically hyperactive at all to have ADHD or ADD. Symptoms include finding it hard to cope with every day life and sufferers often find it hard to hold down jobs and relationships.

And yes, hugs from me too ((()))

Hi OP, your story sounds similar to mine. Neglected as a child by an alcoholic parent, I've been in and out of therapy most of my life. I now realise I don't manage change well and at various points in my life I've gone back to therapy to cope with different life events.

One therapist suggested that's just what we need to do to support our well being. If you hadn't had therapy you might be in a worse place than you are now. What I'm trying to say is it's sometimes difficult to determine how well works.

A previous poster mentioned ADHD. I've just been diagnosed with this at 54. My adult son was diagnosed at 27 and I looked into it as a way of knowing how to support him. Lightbulb moment!!! Depression and ADHD often go hand in hand.

I was off meds and out of therapy for years and now I'm back on both. Might be for a few months, who knows, as long as it gets me out this dip. Sometimes just doing something like speaking to your GP can help. You've taken the first step by sharing here, well done.

I look at my mental health the way I would look at diabetes or thyroid. Sometimes it's up, sometimes it's down and needs tweeked with chemicals or talking. If you were diabetic and you needed insulin, you'd take it.

Go on, phone you're GP. Good luck!

whatnow727.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/herman_trauma-and-recovery.pdf

Hello, I was recommended this by a mn. I haven’t read it thoroughly and there are some summary’s and explanations etc of it online but I found it helpful. It’s a book called Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman. Try reading the second section on recovery, although it might make more sense if you start at the beginning .
Also as a pp said, look into emdr very effective.

Thank you.

Hi Packetofskips I’m sorry you had an abusuve childhood. It leaves very lasting damage. Please look up Adult children of Alcoholics AND dysfunctional families.(ACOA)
If you grew up in an alcoholic family or and and a dysfunctional family.
There are on line meetings and a workbook that are really helpful to go through.
I have done the work and it’s helped a lot.
I’ve had 10 years of psychotherapy which helped but actually ACOA has helped me greatly. It’s free - you can make a small contribution only if you can afford it.
We have experienced trauma and it makes life more difficult.
If you want to private message me I’m happy to have a chat.💐

You said in your op that you are not nt, have you tried exploring your neurodiversity a bit more. That might explain why you feel the way you feel and why conventional therapies haven't worked. They generally aren't designed for nd people.

www.pete-walker.com/

Brilliant for C-PTSD

How are you today @PacketOfSkips