Went through a terrible divorce 2 years ago. My ex husband was having an affair and I knew nothing about it. He broke up with my out of nowhere saying he didn’t love me, we seemed happy, slowly I realised he was cheating.
I have been with my new boyfriend for over a year. He’s lovely. I see him whenever my kids are with my ex. He hasn’t met them yet and I’m not rushing into that.
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever fully enjoy a relationship again- I know I’m guarded. My boyfriend is lovely, kind, caring and understanding. He loves me a lot and I do love him. However I don’t often miss him when I don’t see him, I enjoy the time I have with my kids and alone and don’t feel the need to always fill that with seeing him, is that strange? I remember when I met my husband (15 years ago) we spent every moment together. I guess I’m comparing this new relationship to the start of my marriage (my only relationship to compare it to) and it doesn’t match up. But I also recognise I’m in a much different place in life and can’t be totally fancy free.
I also don’t want to integrate this relationship into my family life. I can’t even see me doing that with anyone, my children are both under 5 and I would never want them to experience loss or rejection again if I am help it. Is that a red flag that I’m not too keen on my new man? I feel like I am but surely then i should want to build a life with him or at least consider it an option on down the line?
He’s very understanding and doesn’t want to rush anything but I just feel like I knew what a ‘great love’ felt like and the behaviours/actions I associated with that and I have no notion to do those things with him. Maybe it is me holding back a bit, or maybe I’m just not that into him.
Sorry I’m rambling