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Original poster

Relationship advice, should I break up with him?

15 replies

JoC97 · 09/09/2021 16:15

Hello!
I’m looking for some advice on what to do about my relationship. Me and my boyfriend have been together for about a year and a half.
I love my boyfriend but I feel as I’m not IN love with him.. he’s perfect all round and always treats me so well. I just don’t feel like I’m attracted to him anymore, our sex life has never been the best, we have different sex drives. And he doesn’t attends to my needs either.. he’d be absolutely devised if I broke up with him but I’m just not happy. He moved in with me and my family at the beginning of the year and has just secured a new job so he can work closer to home and save up more for a house together. I find myself day dreaming about past relationships and other men & I miss being single. We have a holiday booked in October, he has all his stuff at my house and has just brought his mega tv to mine so my mum can use it! He hasn’t got a fault but I just feel like it’s not enough. I’m not attracted to him anymore like I said and that’s a big thing for me. Any advice on what to do/should we break up? I feel as I’m putting his feelings before mine. Knowing he’s going to be heartbroken is stopping me but I’m just not happy :(

OP posts:
logincard · 09/09/2021 16:22

I think you know the answer. Listen to your gut ... It wont lead you far wrong

AryaStarkWolf · 09/09/2021 16:23

Yes break up with him before you actually set up a life together, it'll be even worse for him after that.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/09/2021 16:25

Of course you need to end it, and right away. The relationship isn't working for you and it never will. You've wasted enough time already, and you never, ever stay with someone out of misplaced guilt. That's not fair to you, and really not fair to him. Pull your big girl pants up and get on with it.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 09/09/2021 16:43

Being shit in bed is a pretty big glaring fault!

I'd end it ASAP. The last thing you want is to go on holiday with him.

Original poster
JoC97 · 09/09/2021 17:20

@JoC97

Hello! I’m looking for some advice on what to do about my relationship. Me and my boyfriend have been together for about a year and a half. I love my boyfriend but I feel as I’m not IN love with him.. he’s perfect all round and always treats me so well. I just don’t feel like I’m attracted to him anymore, our sex life has never been the best, we have different sex drives. And he doesn’t attends to my needs either.. he’d be absolutely devised if I broke up with him but I’m just not happy. He moved in with me and my family at the beginning of the year and has just secured a new job so he can work closer to home and save up more for a house together. I find myself day dreaming about past relationships and other men & I miss being single. We have a holiday booked in October, he has all his stuff at my house and has just brought his mega tv to mine so my mum can use it! He hasn’t got a fault but I just feel like it’s not enough. I’m not attracted to him anymore like I said and that’s a big thing for me. Any advice on what to do/should we break up? I feel as I’m putting his feelings before mine. Knowing he’s going to be heartbroken is stopping me but I’m just not happy :(
It's so hard, I know I'm unhappy and I know I need to end it. I just don't want to hurt him😓 plus I go on holiday on Saturday.. do I wait till I'm back or do it asap.. I feel like a utter cow bag!!
OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 09/09/2021 17:32

It's so hard, I know I'm unhappy and I know I need to end it. I just don't want to hurt him😓 plus I go on holiday on Saturday.. do I wait till I'm back or do it asap.. I feel like a utter cow bag!!

@JoC97

It will hurt less now than after you've established an entire life together.

Honestly, I'd probably end it beforehand. Don't give him 'those memories' of a holiday together. Plus if he's already booked time off he can use it to move out and have a day or two off to get his head together.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/09/2021 17:34

Do NOT go on holiday with him knowing you're going to dump him. That's just cruel. End it with integrity.

Original poster
JoC97 · 09/09/2021 17:38

@Aquamarine1029

Do NOT go on holiday with him knowing you're going to dump him. That's just cruel. End it with integrity.
Yes I know, I just feel so bad!! I go away for a week, back for a couple of weeks then we go on holiday (supposed to be) whilst I'm away he's borrowing my car so he can get to work etc.. I'm such a coward. I'm so scared to say anything
OP posts:
Dery · 09/09/2021 17:41

"It will hurt less now than after you've established an entire life together.

Honestly, I'd probably end it beforehand. Don't give him 'those memories' of a holiday together. Plus if he's already booked time off he can use it to move out and have a day or two off to get his head together."

This.

And this:

"Do NOT go on holiday with him knowing you're going to dump him. That's just cruel. End it with integrity."

An ex of my sister's dumped her at the end of a new year's visit to friends having decided it was better to do it then. It really wasn't. It spoilt all her feelings about the visit. Dumping him at the end of the holiday will do the same to him.

It's hard when you know you're going to hurt the feelings of someone you care about. But as PP have said: it will hurt less if you do it now than later. And ultimately, however he might respond at the time, he will get over you and learn to love again! There will be other women out there who can love him and be in love with him.

Furthermore, it's not for you to sacrifice your happiness in order to keep him happy. Life is not a dress rehearsal. Don't waste time with the wrong person out of misplaced politeness!!!

Dery · 09/09/2021 17:45

"I'm such a coward. I'm so scared to say anything"

Okay - might it help you to think of it this way: he deserves to be in a relationship with someone who feels romantic about him. By keeping this relationship going, you're actually wasting his time as well as yours and preventing him from having that experience. You're not doing either of you any favours by delaying. There will never be a comfortable time to deliver this message and it will never be easy to do it. But he will get over you. It will take time but he will. I'm sure you're amazing but you're not the only fish in the sea. He'll get over you the way we all get over people who've broken our hearts - we hurt, we grieve the relationship, times passes and we move on.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/09/2021 17:50

I'm trying to be as nice as I can, but you are actually being really selfish right now. How do you think he'd feel if he knew the only reason you're still with him is because you're too immature and cowardly to end it with him? It sounds as though he's a good person, doesn't he deserve better than that?

There is nothing wrong with you needing to end it, but the way you are dragging this out is awful. You can't go on holiday with him and he should not be borrowing your car. You need to end it asap.

Original poster
JoC97 · 09/09/2021 17:51

@Aquamarine1029

I'm trying to be as nice as I can, but you are actually being really selfish right now. How do you think he'd feel if he knew the only reason you're still with him is because you're too immature and cowardly to end it with him? It sounds as though he's a good person, doesn't he deserve better than that?

There is nothing wrong with you needing to end it, but the way you are dragging this out is awful. You can't go on holiday with him and he should not be borrowing your car. You need to end it asap.

Not being mean at all, telling me how it is and I know that's what needs to be done! I appreciate all the advice given
OP posts:
TheFoundations · 09/09/2021 21:32

It's going to hurt him and it's going to hurt you. You just need to disregard that, for the greater good. You are causing pain (currently for yourself) and you have to work out how to cause as little pain as possible. That's what stops you being a cow bag in life; doing the respectful thing, even if it hurts people, and doing it in the way that hurts least.

I didn't even need to read your post (although I have, obviously) Anybody who wants a bunch of strangers to tell them whether to break up their relationship needs to break up their relationship. Grow up; get it done.

Smackthepony · 09/09/2021 22:40

Tbh there really is no other way to do it other than rip the plaster off and do it now. It will sting for a bit but you both will get over it in time and move on.

Smackthepony · 09/09/2021 23:00

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