Regular poster but I've name changed for this. Long post but don't want to drip feed.
I've been with my DP for 4 years. We have a 21 month old son together. We jointly own a house. No plans to get married currently but maybe in the future. DS was very much planned.
About 6 months into my pregnancy things hit the rocks. We were bickering and arguing more than usual and I became very anxious. We put it down to hormones / big changes and the fact we'd not been together a huge amount of time and the relationship was going through big changes. I had some individual therapy and it helped a lot.
DS arrived and was very poorly. We had a very difficult time in the first 6 months due to his health. I suffered PTSD from the birth and his subsequent stay in NICU.
My mental health went absolutely down the pan. I was full of rage and anger, I couldn't sleep as I had nightmares, I was suicidal. I held it together on the outside for DS but things between DP and I really just went to shit as it took everything I had to be a decent mother.
I've since had a lot of individual therapy and whilst I still have bad days on the whole life is back to normal and things are much better.
DP stuck with me although it must have been very difficult to be my partner during that time. He told me he made a commitment to start a family with me and he'd see through the bad times along with the good. He's a good dad and we have a happy family. Just not a happy relationship.
We argue and bicker too much, we butt heads over ever decision, we point score over every small thing, every conversation (when we're alone) seems to become an argument, we both say hurtful things to each other. We're not really intimate as much anymore, we aren't affectionate much. The list goes on. We have a huge communication issue. We're in such a rut and despite us both wanting to resolve things it never seems to work.
It makes me so sad as I love him. I've suggested relationship counselling a few times and he's always said no.
I don't know why but something just snapped and I called and booked a session. I told the therapist my partner had said no but it was my last chance to try and fix things and I hoped he'd change his mind. She said she would see us, but he'd have to complete her assessment via telephone first.
I text him and explained and gave him the number, we never discussed it further. It was very much going to be if he chose not to engage I was going on to leave I think. To my surprise she's called, said he completed the assessment and has confirmed he'll attend the appointment.
I'm now terrified and don't know what to expect. Can anyone share their experience and give me an insight into how it works, what they ask etc.
Thanks - sorry for the long post.