Will marriage be a bad idea

[AllyLala]

Hi all

I know MN always says marriage before kids but what if you are the higher earner?

I think my boyfriend is planning on proposing. Currently I earn more than my partner and we are buying a house which I have fronted the 20% deposit which has been secured with a deed of trust.

I am an only child so if my parents don't need it, my family home will go to myself which my mother doesn't want my partner having a share of if we divorce.

Is it better to not get married in this situation? I know if we have children, I would like to leave my job as its long, shift work but after maternity as it has a good maternity package. So if we had kids, he would become the main earner as I would like to be a sahm.

Should we get married anyway? I don't like to think of the worst but if we divorced I'm worried about being left in the cold if I was sahm or still working being taken advantage of.

First off you should get legal advice.

You want to have children and be a SAHM, therefore live on his salary but not share any future assets?

Do you really want to be with him?

If your inheritance is used to by a larger home then it would become a shared asset, but if you keep it separately I'm not as sure.

You really need legal advice.

I think its a warped view of things. I think you would get different answers if you were male posting this.

Get a pre nup .

A prenup in UK law is not automatically legally binding but will be upheld by a court so long as it meets the qualifying criteria, which have been set by the Supreme Court and further reviewed by the Law Commission:
The agreement must be freely entered into.
Both parties must understand the implications of the agreement.
The agreement must be fair.
The agreement must be contractually valid.
The agreement must have been made at least 28 days before the wedding.
There should be disclosure about the wider financial circumstances.
Both parties must have received legal advice.
It should not prejudice any children
Both parties' needs must be met

Getting married is about pulling together, working as a team, pooling assets, becoming a mutual support system. If your head is still in a his-and-mine situation you're not ready to make the commitment.

Why doesn’t your mum want your partner to have any of your inheritance?
Is he a good partner?

It doesn’t really sound like you should get married to me.
If you’re already buying a house maybe see how that goes financially and how you juggle that before making any other commitments.

@AllyLala I do think it is a very wise question and doesn’t have anything to do with being ready or not. Good for you. I don’t have the answer but wanted to point out that I was a similar earner before marriage, I put the whole deposit down (30%) on our house, went on maternity leave, he supported us through that, I went back to work part time and then he went self employed and his career took off but it allowed me to stay part time and manage the kids. 20 years later we are divorced. The deed of trust I had in place isn’t worth anything so just be aware that once you marry, it doesn’t hold much weight if you divorce. It can act as a guideline for lawyers.

Does he know you want to give up work and have him support you financially for however many years you decide that's for?

While he will be solely paying a mortgage for years for you to potentially take half of without contributing to?

You should also never count on an inheritance. If you don't want to be left vulnerable if he leaves you in 10 years with 2 or 3 DC, then you need to be more realistic about being able to support yourself financially without him.

Do you think maybe your mum has reservations about your current partner?