Is your DP/DH sympathetic?

[PopPrincess]

I'm wondering if my DP is the only one who is not very sympathetic. If I am ill, he doesn't know how to handle me as in his attitude towards me, and rather than being nice, he can come across nasty as he gets frustrated that he cannot help me. Or if something has upset me, he doesn't always know how best to console me. Is it just mine, or is this typical men behaviour?

TIA

Hi PopPrincess
No I'm sure this isn't just your DP!! My DP is very unsympathetic - I know it's not life or death but I had part of a tooth/filling come out over w/end and had to wait (in pain) till today to have it sorted out and he wasn't really interested or understanding. Earlier this year I had a tooth extracted ( and was absolutely petrified! ) had to wait about 3 wks for appt. and was naturally worried and talking about it, I drove him mad, so when he realised I had dental problems again over the w/end his eyes sort of glazed over and he just did not want to know. I do know going to the dentist isn't life threatening but surely if you love someone and they are obviously v. worried about something you should support them. I just hope he gets raging toothache and I can ignore him!! So, yes I do know what you mean, haven't got any answers I'm afraid - I just think they don't really know how to communicate/cope when they feel inadequate. Either that or they are insensitive pigs! You're not on your own, believe me xx

Thank you pipkins. It is annoying, as it seems like such a simple and normal thing for me to do if it's DP in pain or something that needs my sympathy, but just doesn't seem to work the other way around! I'm glad I'm not the only one.

PopPrincess, I keep saying to my mum, "What's new, you're not going to change him now!!!*, and they've been together 63 years!!!! My dad just can't deal with the pain my mum goes through, 'cos, believe it or not, he loves her SOOOO much he feels too powerless, and shows her know sympathy whatsover! I know different! A lot of men just can't help feeling powerless and have to show dominance with the"pull yourself together" routine. Not very helpful I know, but it doesn't mean you DH doesn't care, just can't show it.

PopPrincess my dh is the same.
Drives me mad.

When pregnant he never once asked "how are you feeling" despite many minor problems.

If I am ill his eyes glaze over.
If I am upset he gets hostile towards me.
I have wondered if he has some kind of disorder!

It is one of the reasons I don't want to marry him

In a word, No.

I don't think he would notice if I was collapsed on the floor, until his shirt wasn't ready for work!!!!!!!!

I wouldn't put up with it myself. Have been there with one of my exes and it made me feel terrible about myself. Never again. It's not a "man thing", it's a "cretin thing" imo.

lol That makes my dp the biggest cretin to walk this earth!!!

seriously though, people who act like this (usually men it has to be admitted) have issues - it's not normal to treat someone you love in this manner

No. He lacks the empathy gene.

When I had to take ADs due to PND, he would continually make jokes about "your loon pills". I think this was because he felt so uncomfortable with the idea of depression that making a joke of it was the only way he could deal with it. Unfortunately my state of mind at the time left me unable to see the "funny" side!

Thank you for all your responses. It is interesting to see other people's views.

My DP is like this - it's because if there's a problem, he thinks he has to SOLVE it. He likes things done and dusted. Anything that he can't SOLVE makes him feel powerless. He thinks if I'm upset/ill I want AN ANSWER and if he can't provide it he doesn't know what to do.

I have only read the last two posts but I think lulupop may be talking about my Dh and my thyroid pills.

Only today I was asking him if I had an illness in which my body wasn't whole would he be more sympathetic. He couldn't answerr. ( I am having difficulty getting my levels of meds right and still feel like Sh*t some days)

I suppose men are generally not sympathetic as they are programmed to be off chasing mammoths to bring back meat for their poorly women folk. Either that or they are just ...... you fill in the blanks

Just to add to this thread, my dp tends to make jokes about things that are actually quite serious as he knows I will worry about them and he is trying to lighten the situation. Sometimes it works and sometimes it makes me want to slap him........just the other week I came out if the Dr's after being told I wasn't ovulating. I called him to let him know the results and 2 minutes later I got a text that simply read "broken fanny".

I am ashamed to admit it did make me laugh, which I was very grateful for at the time!

Runtus: lol!

No, definitely not.

god, i thought i was alone and my dp was a b***d! well he can be but theres more out there. it doesnt excuse it thos and i know what you mean about them having issues, that makes sense!