What to say to an over reacting and panicking mom

[KittyScratch]

I need to talk to my mom because she's being ridiculous and I don't know what to say to her. She is over reacting and panicking about me and my health.

Basically, I had some symptoms in the summer and a uti was diagnosed. A month later the symptoms appeared again and I went back to my doctor. My GP and I found pain over the colon. I wasn't sore til she felt my tummy and then there was a yelp from me. She referred me to the hospital for tests. I'm a public patient. I will be on a waiting list and I don't know how long the list is or how long I will be waiting. I'm very happy with my GP and I'm confident in the process. My guess is that I will be waiting about 6 or 7 months and I'm OK with that. The conditions that had me go to me GP 2 weeks ago has calmed down now and I'm OK now and I'm good. I'm GP recommended increasing fiber drinking plenty of fluids. I hope I don't experience more of the same but I am confident and myself and my GP will be able to manage whatever is happening and if it gets very bad, I can also go to A+E.

My mom tends to over react and panic and there were incidents in the past were she was particularly brutal. Any sort of a cough or a cold and she was always on high alert for meningitis and sepsis and cancers. I remember my brother had a 24 hour bug. He wasn't a small boy unable to communicate. He was an adult. He was claiming he was fine and she wanted to phone an ambulance and send him to a+e because he mind went racing that he had meningitis.

Anyways, I was having breakfast yesterday morning. My mother knows my GP referred me to the hospital after some issues. Sarah Hardings death spurred my mother into thinking I have bowel cancer. She's been on my back since yesterday to go down the private healthcare route. My mom never had private healthcare and she thinks it's a magic bullet with a next day service or a service where you are seen within a week. I don't have health insurance nor do I have money to spend on private consultant fees and a private procedure. There hasn't been any deterioration in my symptoms or condition by the way for my mother to urge me into a getting a quick diagnosis. It was completely Sarah hardings death that spurred my mother into thinking I have bowel cancer.

My mom thinks private healthcare is a next day service or a service where you will be seen to quickly. I discovered that there's still a wait list for private care and that list is about 2 months just to see a consultant and however more weeks for a procedure.

I'm happy with my GP and I'm feeling OK right now and I'm confident if I experience any more similar symptoms or flares, my GP and I can work with it. I'm taking my doctors advice of increasing fiber and drinking plenty of fluids and I'm taking a probiotic to see if it helps too. If I get bad, my GP will send me to A&E.

My mom is always over reacting and panicking and jumping to the worst possible scenario. That over reacting and panicking doesn't help anyone.

What do I say to her? Do I chat to her calmly and say the GP has it all under control or do I be more assertive and ask her to stay out from it. If she cared so much about my health she would have at least allowed me to eat my breakfast before starting on me.

I'd stop telling her stuff unless there's something she needs to know. It would be too much drama for me. Is she genuinely anxious or is she making it all about her?

I don't have real advice but my mother also has this kind of health anxiety. It can be completely exhausting.
Is your Dad around or does she have a partner? Can they have a calming word with her?

Could showing her your 'plan' help? 'I am taking my doctor's advice to up my fibre and water intake. I am feeling more comfortable than I was. I will report any changes to my doctor. If there is a sudden increase in symptoms I will present at A&E. All conditions like this can be negatively affected by stress and I am focusing on feeling calm and positive and would appreciate the same from you. I realise your reaction comes from a loving place, but now this is how I need you to show your love.'

Stick to the line and be prepared to be lower contact than before. Good luck with everything hope it's all sorted out very soon. 💐

Why did you tell her if you know how she reacts??

I would like to be checked again to see of the pain was still there though.

Are you in the UK op? Your way of phrasing things is unusual. I very much doubt you'll wait to see 7 months to see a specialist when it comes to unexplained pain related to your colon.

I live with my mom so when I found some symptoms along with fever, I knew it wasn't right. I went to the doctor thinking it was a uti. I live with my mom, she saw me going to the doctor. I can't hide away from that. The second time it happened I went back to my doctor and again I couldn't hide that. When I came home I was tired. I didn't feel like talking much because I was so tired. I also knew how she reacts and so I was vague. I told mom I have antibiotics and I need to go back again for some tests. That's all I told her. A few days later when I was perking up, mom asked me what do I need to go back for again and I told her the GP wants some tests and she also referred me to the hospital for another test. I was being vague. Mom dragged it out from me and I told her it's will be an outpatients appointment, it won't be yet and there's nothing to worry about. I just layed out what my GP said to me, that's its nothing to worry about. I was actually grand. Some people might jump to the wrong conclusion after hearing the word colonoscopy but I was completely cool and relaxed and I know it's just to investigate the GI issues I am experiencing. I was completely relaxed and cool to my mom. My mother was OK with the information so much so she never once asked me how I was while I was taking the antibiotics.

It was the death of Sarah Harding in the news that spurred my mother into a pure panic thinking that I now have bowel cancer. My mom was never once went down the private healthcare route and now she thinks it's a magic bullet and I will be seen to within a week and I will have a diagnosis within a week. She was completely over reacting and it's nonsense from her. There's so many other conditions affecting the bowel aside from cancer. I don't think it is from a genuine concern for my health and its just drama.

I'm not going to lie. The over reacting and panic was completely stressful. I have the possibility of a gut condition and so far I've been completely positive about it but yesterday morning I was nearly in tears over my breakfast due to my moms attitude. The liquid porridge was pouring out of my mouth while she was hammering on at me bout paying privately to be seen and that Sarah this and Sarah that and now Sarah is dead from cancer.

My GP thinks it will be about December but I do know there is a waiting list and the pandemic didn't help much either so that will have pushed the list longer. I'm not in the UK.

I live with my mom, she saw me going to the doctor. I can't hide away from that.
Surely you don’t need to tell her you’re going to the doctor though, unless your doctors is next door and she watches you from the window she isn’t physically seeing you go to the doctors, just tell her you’re popping out.

Have you told her how her health anxiety and overreacting is affecting you? If not you need to be as clear as possible with her.

She sounds really overpowering op. Tell her to butt out that you're an adult and have seemed medical help which you have gotten. Tell her if the doctor thought it was anything worrying then you would get seen sooner.

Ah you live with her, that's trickier. Yes I agree with the pp above if your GP thought it was urgent you'd be on a different pathway.
You're getting help for the issue, you may have to tell her that she's trying to make her anxiety your problem and perhaps she should take a trip to the GP herself to deal with it.

I would avoid telling her in the future. It's clearly upsetting for her, stressful for you, and it isn't like she can help at all.

Of course if it was something more serious / something you would need support over, then you may feel you have to confide.

My lovely parents sometimes worry over health stuff, based on some serious stuff in the past, so I don't tell them the low level stuff - and anything else I would wait until I knew something for certain to tell them. I appreciate I live a distance from them which makes it easier.

Anyway, that doesn't answer your current situation. I think you can only reassure your mum that you are confident it's nothing serious, but that she is creating stress for you, and you are considering not confiding in her in the future as her over-reactions mean it isn't worth it.

Thanks for your replies.

Hopefully I will be able to sort it with her. She was being ridiculous over the past few days with her urging me into private health care thinking I will get an appointment within a week and get a diagnosis for the cancer she thinks I have because a famous person my age died of cancer.