What's wrong with me

[justnotsure18]

I have been dating a lovely guy for 4 months. He's good looking, smart, respectful, kind, generous. I recently introduced him to my kids and they adore him as well, but still I don't feel happy. I don't know if it's Because it's early days or it there is something missing or if it's just me & I am not made for a relationship. My ex really hurt me but I forgave his behaviour time and time again but I can't be happy with someone who adores me. What is wrong with me ?. I feel so guilty on him that I am feeling like this. I don't want to break up with him but I am being unfair to him or should I just give it more time ?

Maybe you’re missing chemistry, maybe it’s the history you had with your ex, mauve it’s angst and drama if that’s what drove things with your ex.

4 months is pretty early to be involving your children, was that your idea or his? How old are they?

It’s far too early if you’re not sure this has got legs. They’ll also have been impacted by you and their dad splitting up so I’d stick to casual dating with the new guy till it feels more serious and stable.

There's nothing wrong with you. This may or may not have legs.

You are 16 weeks in and seem to be trying to treat it as a long term relationship, involving the kids etc. Even as a friend, introductions need to be kept until you are sure the relationship is going going somewhere.

It just appears you aren't sure about it and pushing forward without being sure.

That seems very early to be involving your kids

The kids are 14 & 15 when I say they adore him I mean they like him, they won't be devastated if we split up or anything. They are starting to live their own lives now. The split from their dad was when they were little. This is the first person I introduced. However you are right it was to soon if I am feeling like this. Maybe I do miss the drama but I really don't want to be that girl. I am starting to think I will never be happy this was all I ever wanted and now I don't want it.

I remember dating this wonderful guy, just so perfect on paper, handsome, funny, witty etc etc...I , too had come out of an abusive relationship before. I felt exactly the same, I stupidly went on with it knowing I just wasn't happy or 'in love'. I couldn't put my finger on it. I tried for 18 months then just broke down and finished it as I just wasn't happy. It turned out I needed to heal a lot more from my previous relationship. Dont do what I did and keep it going for the sake of your mental health but equally for your chap. It isn't fair. If you cant do this right now take some more time out and figure things out again. He will wait if he values you.

Maybe I do miss the drama but I really don't want to be that girl

I didn’t mean that in a critical or negative way at all. I’m sorry if it came across that way. It would be no reflection on you as a person if that were the case. We look for what we know and after a relationship where drama and highs and lows can be mistaken for passion and really caring, it can seem flat or less serious or exciting when things go smoothly and there aren’t rows or misunderstandings etc to keep things feeling sparky.

Tbh I don't think it is too early to be introducing to your kids, I know on here it is taboo and I'm not suggesting introducing a new bloke every month, but children are perfectly aware that sometimes people come and go and relationships don't last. It's not like you've moved him in!
I would say something is telling you this isn't 100% right.

What's your chemistry like?! How do you interact and get on?

@AnneLovesGilbert hi no I totally understand what you mean and I think I am most worried that that may be the reason. That's what scares me most that i am finding it dull because he actually cares about me & then if I let him go I will be upset. I am genuinely confused but am worried as it's not fair to string him along

@OrlandointheWilderness we get on really well ..the sex is good as well but he is definitely a lot more into it than I am and he is starting to notice it.

@litterbird thanks you have you been in a relationship since ? Was it any better after you healed ?

[quote justnotsure18]@litterbird thanks you have you been in a relationship since ? Was it any better after you healed ? [/quote]
Yes, but it took me quite a while to recover. This happened to me 15 years ago, am in another relationship but it took me a good couple of years to steady myself. I just dated for a while, nothing serious, just did it to get out there and have some fun. It helped. Never underestimate the damage coming out of a difficult relationship can do to self esteem, and your personal mental health. You are recognising that this isn't quite right....you are correct, it isn't sitting well with where you are on the healing process at the moment.

Could you be avoidant? Have a read of mr unavailable and the fallback girl and see if it resonates.

Or he could just be not right for you. Plenty of nice people but we don't fancy them all.

Good on paper doesn’t mean he’s the right guy for you. I went on a date with a really nice guy last year and my mum wanted me to see him again because my ex was such a dick but I didn’t because he just wasn’t for me. Now I’ve started dating another really nice guy who excites me. Trust your instincts.