DH is leaving me. I don’t want to be alone :(

[Iwannabelikeyouohh]

Since having our son 18 months ago, I have suffered badly with post natal depression and post natal anxiety.

The anxiety was very extreme.

I know I have been an absolute nightmare to live with, and I can’t imagine how difficult things have been for my husband.

If I’m honest I’m not entirely sure how much I love him. Has said some awful things to me over the last 18 months.

He’s told me before I “wear PND like a badge” and has made comments about me needing to “get over it”.

I think he has said this out of anger and frustration, but these things have really hurt me and affected my self esteem.

Tonight has told me he has made up his mind and he is leaving me.

I’ve told him I will get more help and I will try harder to not be so down and anxious, but he’s told me that nothing will change his mind.

He said he doesn’t enjoy spending time with me and dreads me coming home from work.
He looks forward to not spending time with me.

I asked him if he loves me and he said he cares about me, but he’s just had enough of me.

I’m heartbroken. I don’t want my son to grow up with a broken family.

Im scared that I will ruin his life if he’s left with me as his mum. im anxious and I worry too much.

His dad is the total opposite.

I don’t want to be alone.

😩

I hope someone can just give me some reassurance. 😓

I was very much the same when my DC were born, it is such a difficult time.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, I promise. Focus on yourself and your DC, take the time away from him, you may find it's the best thing for you too.

I split with my oldest son dad when they were two and hung on because I didn't want a broken family. I'm now remarried and happier than ever, we have a great coparenting relationship and everyone involved is happy.

Things will work out, but maybe try contacting your GP or HV for some extra support. Be kind to yourself

@AJ297

That’s so nice to hear. Im mid 30s and scares me that I’m too old now to ever remarry and have children with someone else.😞

I am so sorry you are going through this. It seems very harsh of your dh to leave you at this point, when your son is only 18 months old and you have been suffering from pnd. Most adults know that life with a new baby is very stressful and puts stress on both parents. PND is a horrible illness.
Also, you will have had a particularly difficult pregnancy and birth during a pandemic. I am so sorry your dh is not supporting you as he should

You're not too old, I promise.

I found after we broke up that my ex contributed to a lot of my struggles, life seemed so much easier both emotionally and financially. It was a whole new beginning for me, and it will be for you too.

Just take the time to heal and focus on yourself and the rest will fall into place.

@Ultraopaque

He told me he feels like I should be better by now, but Im still finding things really hard.

Im at a loss of what to do next.

You probably have PND because you have an unsupportive “partner” who offloads all the emotional responsibilities onto you. I bet he has wanted to escape the relationship and parenthood, and is using you as an excuse because he doesn’t want to look like an arsehole.

Regardless of whether he leaves or not, you sound as if you need help with your pnd.
Have you been having input from your midwife or doctor?
Perhaps you could make an appointment to ask for more help?
You must be reeling from what your husband has said.

Sadly, you can't just try harder not to be anxious. You need to get help. Your child will just accept that worrying is in your nature. It won't affect his life. The fact that your husband still cares for you points to the possibility of a good co-parenting situation for your child. The fact that you've been worrying about the uncertainty of your relationship with your husband for a while will not be helping your mental health. Maybe he's right to make the decision for both your sakes.
It takes work and time but you will come through this, armed with coping strategies on how to deal with your worries, should these patterns of behaviour reoccur.

I'm sorry.

[quote Iwannabelikeyouohh]@Ultraopaque

He told me he feels like I should be better by now, but Im still finding things really hard.

Im at a loss of what to do next.[/quote]
You can't put a time frame on depression. It's not like a broken leg. It takes as long as it takes. But you being aware of what you're doing and working on it can hasten the process. However, for anyone who hasn't suffered from depression, it is very difficult to understand why people can't just get over it. They're not being mean, it's just very frustrating for them.

@Justilou1

You probably have PND because you have an unsupportive “partner” who offloads all the emotional responsibilities onto you. I bet he has wanted to escape the relationship and parenthood, and is using you as an excuse because he doesn’t want to look like an arsehole.

It is possible this is the case. But I had very bad depression and I still suffer from it from time to time. It has nothing to do with my partner at all, and I'd be very upset if anyone tried to lay the blame at his door.

[quote Iwannabelikeyouohh]@Ultraopaque

He told me he feels like I should be better by now, but Im still finding things really hard.

Im at a loss of what to do next.[/quote]
I find that a lot of men are like this tbh. Great in the first "emergency" period but not so good long term. Eighteen months isn't a long time when you have broken nights and a baby to look after. He needs to grow up a bit.

Op , you may already know about Pandas ...it's worth having a look if not:

pandasfoundation.org.uk/