Liking someone at work who likes someone else

[IsntAlwaysEasy]

Hi all,
I am male and 27 so I just hoped I’d be able to get some opinions from some females, and males if they have any good advice, about this horrible situation that I got myself in at work.

I’ve been single for 3 years and happily been going along single without really meeting anyone or having anything serious.

I’ve found myself in an office job, working next to and with a female coworker who in only 6 weeks I’ve been so so fond of, the kind of fondness that has you thinking about them many times through the day.

Now, it’s a tough one to work through because few weeks ago when we were new friends at work, we went got drinks and then week later then for some food, strictly platonic snd was a fun evening.

My issue is now I’ve let myself become pretty attached and now; seeing her keep speaking with another male colleague; taking lunches with him and when we’re in a group setting most of her attention is on him.
So this feels pretty nasty from my point of view. In the open world I’d step right away from her, and cut it all off. But the problem being I have to work with, sit next to, and engage with her throughout every day. And even though I really don’t want them to, the feelings just her stronger.
I’m only guessing she likes this other co worker, and I know when you’re in that fancy mentality you can have cloudy judgement but I feel sure

Have you any advice for me, if you were in her position, what would be your thoughts? How can I step away from her without ruining work or becoming a miserable bloke who doesn’t talk much at all.
:(
Thank you

Is this a new job? Because trust me she is going to lose her shine over time. Every crush does. Lol

Yeah you gotta be careful because women really wish that more men understood that when we spend time with them we really do just want friendship.

Definitely wouldn't tell her or anyone else how you feel at the office.

Unrequited love or feelings is an awful thing.
I think we've all liked someone that doesn't feel the same.
The only sobering thought I can suggest is that what's the point in wanting to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you.

Oh forgot to mention. Don't date people from work. It's hardly ever a good idea.

If you think you feel bad now imagine actually having dated her and she dumped you... you'll feel A LOT worse.

Or a lot of situations. A fight or maybe you dump her and then you have to deal with that at work.

Just think about it

@youvegottenminuteslynn YES. So well articulated. (and extra points for the Partridge nickname).

Hope you've got something out of this thread, OP. I hope work gets easier.

You mention that you haven't really gotten out there in the last three years. So maybe the most useful thing to do to do is to get out there.

Spend less time focusing on how sad you are that this particular woman doesn't feel the same way towards you as you do towards her by spending more time focusing on meeting a few of the many other fish in the sea instead.

Unrequited love, sucks. Look out for her nasty habits..slurping coffee, eating with her mouth open, chewing her nails and when you find one of these keep focussing on it and you’ll soon be turned off her

My sympathies, OP. I suspect about 99 per cent of the world's crushes are one-sided, but that doesn't make it suck any less!

Gracious behaviour will serve you well here. Be polite and friendly yet slightly elusive. Brief eye contact only. If you pass her in the corridor, say "Hi Emma" (or whoever) and keep walking. No extended conversations. Show her your good professional manners and keep her respect. If she does include you in drinks, say "Wish I could, but I've got another engagement. Next time!" even if you have nothing on that night.

Meanwhile, can you hang out more with your non-work friends and see who wanders into the scene? No harm in telling close friends, "I'm ready to start dating again. Do you or your girlfriends know anyone who'd like to go out?" Just be upfront and upbeat about it.

So a previous poster mentioned ‘limerence’ and I wasn’t aware of this term. After looking into it and all the symptoms that come with it, I’d say I’m positive this is what I experience.

It’s so self damaging and I’m finding this ‘obsession’ if you like work this girl, mentally taking over pretty much every aspect of my life.
There doesn’t really seem to be many technique or ‘cure’ for this issue and something I’m going to have to see out.

I'm in the same situation too. But in my case I told her straight up that I have feelings towards her. Before that though she was sending me some signals like telling me these words. "I'll take care of you when you get old." (Cuz I'm 10yrs older than her. And told me it was just joke when she told me that.) Keeps telling me that I'm ugly and caught her multiple times staring at me at work and then I asked her why was she looking at me? She said. "I'm just appreciating your ugliness." And during break times we like to listen to some songs from our home countries. And she be staring deeply into my eyes. After that I told her that I'm catching feelings for her. She told me that she don't see me that way. SO I'M CONFUSED AF!
Things that I feel like I should mention.
I'm Filipino 30yrs old. (she thought I was in her age.)
She's Afghan 20yrs old. Never really had a serious relationships and only been in a only girl school.
She's a Muslim her parents are so strict that if they find out that she's talking to a non-Muslim GUY. They would force her to quit her job and never let her go to college anymore. (According to her.)
PLEASE SOMEONE OUT THERE HELP ME.

Please listen to the lovely women here. Men who sulk when you're just not interested are by turns scary, upsetting, damaging to careers and unpleasant.

I had one delightful chap, when I was around your age, try it on. I rejected him perfectly nicely (I was secretly seeing someone else in the office) and he made the mistake of saying really repulsive things about what a frigid slag cocktease I was... to my then boyfriend. In an open office, as I walked past. He was a supervisor and our superior.

That's what we deal with.

Don't shit where you eat and don't be a misogynist. You do sound like you have some insight. That's a start.

She's Afghan 20yrs old. Never really had a serious relationships and only been in a only girl school.

Leave her alone.

I don't think he meant the colleague is being nasty. Rather that it's a nasty situation for him.

This is nearly 1 year old ZOMBIE THREAD.
(But agree with mrsterrypratchet
She speaks sense as always) 😀

Thanks @maras2 I spotted the green flesh and shuffling walk just after I posted. Damn and blast.

Well she didn't really want me to leave. I tried so many times and I even told her that it hurts me so much that I if see her talking to someone else. And it make me want to quitemu job. And she insisted cuz she said I'm the only friend she never had. She didn't want me to leave that when I told her I'm quitting my job she said she hurting herself cuz she's so sad that I'm gonna be gone. And we're close friends now. Like I pick her up to go to work and drop her off after work. Well to me I'm still hoping that she might have feelings towards me cuz she just got out of a relationship a year ago. And that last relationship was toxic that her ex wanted her to get rid of all the scars that she have on her wrist because he was too ashamed of her suicide attempts.

Sometimes I want to just to leave that job cuz seeing her being attracted to someone at work hurts me so much! (I don't know if I'm overthrowing.) But I feel like she interested of someone else.
Please I'm begging whoever can help me out there. A little more advice please. It's making me crazy.

My issue is now I’ve let myself become pretty attached and now; seeing her keep speaking with another male colleague; taking lunches with him and when we’re in a group setting most of her attention is on him.
It always stings when your crush likes someone else, but time will heal.

So this feels pretty nasty from my point of view.
You WHAT now?
You have had a couple of platonic socials with this young woman ... & now you feel that she is "nasty" for - horror!!!! speaking with another colleague?
You sound fucking dangerous. Controlling & possessive.

In the open world I’d step right away from her, and cut it all off.
But the problem being I have to work with, sit next to, and engage with her throughout every day. And even though I really don’t want them to, the feelings just her stronger.
Are you taking the piss?
She can speak to who she wants to. She can date who she wants to. She does not need to modify her behaviour to pacify some bloke who fancies her. If you cannot control your own feelings, you need to get some expert help from a therapist.

Try behaving like a professional at work, instead of some jealous mooncalf. The problem is YOURS, not hers. Make sure it stays that way.

Ah sod it, thank you @maras2

You don't understand. She was the one who needed a friend and cuz she's imprison by her parents, when she tried to kill herself her mom told her what other people gonna say about them. So at first I had no interest towards her but when she told me all the things that she been through I needed to help her. Cuz she's trying to be vulnerable with me. With those personal stuff that she told. UT it-s all good now. We're on the same page. I told her about everything I feel. And she said she don't want to be in a relationship. That we'd still be friends.