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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Hear me out I'm prepared to be told IABU

23 replies

dryasaboner · 07/09/2021 13:10

Was meant to meet partner of 2 years last week but had a kidney stone and was in extreme pain and needed a scan to see if was an obstruction. Sadly because the previous two times we were meant to meet circumstances meant I needed to cancel means he probs thought I was lying. But anyway I wasn't. We were meant to be meeting at a place he was going to anyway for an event but decided to book a mega posh hotel. He went silent with me for the whole evening (first evening in two years we haven't said good night to each other). The next morning still nothing so I messaged him saying I hope he enjoys the event he was doing the next day. Contact since Saturday was sketchy and yesterday he said he doesn't know if he can be bothered anymore. I don't stimulate him anymore or send him 'rude' videos or photos showing how excited he gets me (long distance relationship) so he basically ended it. I said well fine I'm not begging or upping my game.
Aibu to just block now?

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 07/09/2021 13:12

Of course you should block him. Good riddance.

MaizeBlouse · 07/09/2021 13:14

I'd be disappointed if my partner didn't show 3 times in a row, even if they had a good excuse and especially if I was looking forward to spending the night in a fancy hotel.
The sexting bit is grim though so sounds like you're just not right for each other.

Justmuddlingalong · 07/09/2021 13:14

I agree. Block him.

householdrmk · 07/09/2021 13:16

Contact since Saturday was sketchy and yesterday he said he doesn't know if he can be bothered anymore. I don't stimulate him anymore or send him 'rude' videos or photos showing how excited he gets me (long distance relationship) so he basically ended it.

Come on. Do you really need to get the hive mind to tell you what you know already? He sounds like a complete prick. He can't be arsed with your relationship basically and you're no longer stimulating him with your saucy texts! The men on here are un fucking believable. He's like a cartoon villain OP.

A word of warning for the future - don't ever send anything to anyone that you wouldn't mind posted on the web for everyone to see.

Original poster

dryasaboner · 07/09/2021 13:21

I trust he wouldn't share anything like that as due to his job he would lose a lot. I didn't mind sending some saucy material as and when but what gets me is he's been having family issues recently and that's all he's wanted to talk about. I've been that listening ear trying to reassure him and allowed him to lean on me. And now it's moaning that I've not been sexy enough recently and I'm not stimulating him. I know I need to block and completely ditch him but I'm finding it upsetting today

OP posts:

GreyCarpet · 07/09/2021 13:24

Well clearly setting was a feature of your relationship previously, whatever other posters might think about it.

If someone cancelled 3 times in me and I felt they were less interested generally, I light also question whether they were that into it/me.

On ere, women are always told that changes in communication are a bad sign.

He's not entitled to receive rude pics/videos from you but that along with 3 cancelled dates might look like you've lost interest to him.

logincard · 07/09/2021 13:24

you have a 'partner' of two years but you have never actually met him ?

am I right ?

Original poster

dryasaboner · 07/09/2021 13:25

Sadly I was back and forth to the gp with agonising pain and couldn't sit stand still or drive let alone meet for sex on the last date.
I told him I would endeavour to make it up

OP posts:

Original poster

dryasaboner · 07/09/2021 13:25

@logincard

you have a 'partner' of two years but you have never actually met him ?

am I right ?

Yes lots of times

OP posts:

LadyCatStark · 07/09/2021 13:27

I would suspect that someone else has been sending him the videos he wants TBH sorry.

householdrmk · 07/09/2021 13:40

@dryasaboner

OP every single women and girl who have been a victim of revenge porn trusted their partner. Every single one or they wouldn't have sent them.

I've been in a similar relationship where he wanted me as a shoulder to cry on and for support but couldn't be arsed with my needs or even meeting at one point. It's been a long distance relationship for two years and clearly isn't going anywhere.

As others have pointed out, I'd guess he's met someone else for sexy time and is ready to move on.

category12 · 07/09/2021 13:43

If you'd cancelled on me three times I'd be thinking bugger it as well.

sunnyzweibrucken · 08/09/2021 01:02

The fact that his underwear are in a knot because you don’t sent rude pics anymore is enough to block him. Yuck.

JustAnother0ldMan · 08/09/2021 14:56

@category12

If you'd cancelled on me three times I'd be thinking bugger it as well.

Yep

Sunshineandflipflops · 08/09/2021 15:09

I can't blame him for being fed up at you cancelling on him 3 times, especially if you are in a LDR and don't see each other that often. The nude photos thing is ridiculous though so sounds like you're better off apart.

AdmiralCain · 08/09/2021 15:16

Cancel on me once, hmmm ok maybe. Cancel on me twice, you're blocked I'll never give you a second thought. I'm not something to be picked up and put down or messed around. I spent my youth letting people cancel on me 6 or 7 times whilst I still chased them. If you let people mess you around they'll keep doing it.
You have a genuine reason for cancelling OP but yes I would block someone who cancelled on me 3 times with genuine reasons.

girlmom21 · 08/09/2021 15:21

You cancelled on him 3 times in a row and don't have the same dynamics you did at the start of the relationship. Ending the relationship sounds like it's the best result for you both.

Plumtree391 · 08/09/2021 15:21

It sounds as though you had an intense, long distance relationship but I wouldn't call you 'partners'.

I think you are best out of this relationship. There are plenty more fish in the sea.

Fromablokespoint · 08/09/2021 17:32

Cancelling 3 times would be a huge red flag for me. And I am prepared to be flamed but if the photo's were a normal part of the relationship and they tailed off at the same time I would be thinking that you have lost interest.

Bluntness100 · 08/09/2021 17:35

It’s not really a proper relationship op. It’s basically a virtual one.. he’s right you just send him sexual stuff so he doesn’t need to look at porn and the two of you seldom meet. There’s nothing in it. Block and move on.

layladomino · 08/09/2021 18:16

To those saying they would dump their OH if they cancelled 3 times in a row - seriously? Even after 2 years and assuming this isn't the norm? And then the last of those 3 times was because of an emergency scan?

Op only you know if you were cooling anyway (hence the other 2 cancellations) but I suspect not given you're posting here. Maybe it was an unfortunate series of events - it does happen.

Even if he was annoyed after the first 2, he didn't dump you then. He waited for you to have a good reason (medical appt) and dumped you then - not great from him.

But in any case, sulking because you won't send rude pics? Sulking full stop? No you're better off without him.

girlmom21 · 08/09/2021 18:27

@layladomino it's a long distance relationship so 3 meet ups could be 6 months worth of visits for all we know.

layladomino · 08/09/2021 18:44

@girlmom21 yes fair point

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