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Relationships

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Original poster

Who should pay?

49 replies

Rainbowchoc · 07/09/2021 13:05

My partner has recently moved into my home. I have two DC and he has one. It's a 3 bedroom house and so when his DC is over for the weekend she has to share with my youngest daughter but there isn't really the space for them both in my daughters small bedroom. His daughter can't share with my older son.

We are considering converting part of my garage into a bedroom for his daughter when she stays over. My house is mortgaged and in my name only. How do you think this garage conversion should be funded? Should I pay as it's my house? Should he pay as I am doing it for his daughter or should we split the cost 50-50?

OP posts:

Famousinlove · 07/09/2021 14:48

If the only reason for the conversion is for his child i would not pay if i were in your shoes. Yes it may add value to your property (may not if you are losing the garage as a result) but if you aren't planning to sell anytime soon then you are just paying for his child's bedroom. If after all the work he then left you, you have forked out for a room you don't want/need.

Famousinlove · 07/09/2021 14:49

Oh and if he were to pay/contribute, could he 'gift' you the money rather than directly pay for it

GameSetMatch · 07/09/2021 14:56

You pay for the structural stuff and he pays for everything else, such as carpet, pain, furniture….

AryaStarkWolf · 07/09/2021 15:06

hhhmmm tricky, I'd probably go 50/50

Palavah · 07/09/2021 15:10

I'd be taking rent from him and I wouldn't be accepting his investment in my home renovation without legal advice.

Wilma55 · 07/09/2021 15:11

You pay. He can pay for bed, furniture etc so if you split he can take that with him.

deeplyambivalent · 07/09/2021 15:21

@DiscoLightsOnAFridayNight

NO NO NO NO NO

Sorry to shout OP but I wanted to get your attention; you’ll get a lot of people on here telling he should contribute, it’s only ‘fair’, he’s a cocklodger if he doesn’t etc. The truth is by doing this, you are giving him a possible claim on your house, regardless of the fact it’s just in your name or it predates the relationship etc.

Please get legal advice & don’t listen to novices. There’s also a legal matters board on here which you can post on for my accurate advice as it’s frequented by qualified solicitors.

^THIS!

You may have a strong relationship, but just in case please be terribly careful of giving him any claim on the capital value of your house, OP. That means no mortgage contributions, no spending on anything that impacts the property value, whether it's a built in bookcase or a garage conversion. Rent and current expenses fine.

nimbuscloud · 07/09/2021 15:44

How long are you together? Please say at least a couple of years. And what ages are your children?

logincard · 07/09/2021 15:46

@GreyCarpet

You might need legal advice. My mum was advised that allowing a man she moved into to the house she owned outright in her name only to make any improvements, inc decorating, anything would would him to make a claim in the property at a later date.

This. be careful and get legal advice

TacCat49 · 07/09/2021 21:51

Would it be possible to temporarily curtain off part of the lounge with a sofa bed?

billy1966 · 07/09/2021 22:52

@DiscoLightsOnAFridayNight

Agree OP.

Why are you risking your home for a man who is clearly using you.

Why isn't he paying rent?
You are a very very silly woman who needs to cop on and not be risking her childrens home for a user who pays utilities and a morgage elsewhere.

I wonder what this man first found attractive about you🙄.
The fine home he moved into so quickly rent free.🙄

altmember · 08/09/2021 15:12

Some of the posts about him being a cocklodger, she should be charging him rent etc, are a bit out of order. It's hardly fair to charge him rent when his presence makes no odds to your housing costs, and you're the sole owner of the property.

If you're relationship is serious enough for you to be living together, including with all your kids, staying there, sharing bedrooms etc, then you should probably consider putting him on the mortgage (joint tenants with a deed of trust to specify what proportions each you own now, and going forward). That's the fairest, most robust way to do it for everyone.
Even if you don't put him on the mortgage, the bank still needs to know about another adult living there (they'll probably want him to sign something too).

Then split the cost's of the conversion/improvements 50/50.

Anniissa · 08/09/2021 15:20

Before you do anything, get some legal advice to ensure you protect your asset. While some of the suggestions made here may seem fair, you could be inadvertently allowing him a stake in your property. Fine if that is what you want and you go into it with a full grasp of all the implications but you need to know what these are to protect you and your DC if something were to go wrong in your relationship.

TiredButDancing · 08/09/2021 16:05

while I do think you probably need to meet the cost of the renovation, it is outrageous that he is living in your house RENT FREE and that in order for him to continue to live in your home rent free, you are going to have to fork out significant capital to create an additional bedroom.

You are basically subsidising him because he has to pay mortgage on his previous marital home?

What a load of bollocks OP. You need a much more detailed conversation with him about finances. If he didn't have you to live with, how would he pay rent if his income is all being sucked up by his ex? You are being taken for a mug.

MN always scream about a man having a right to the house - not something I've ever seen in real life - but fair enough, seek legal advice. But this is absolutely 100% ridiculous.

Sakurami · 08/09/2021 16:17

He should be able to force the sale if he can't afford to live otherwise?

I'd seek legal advice and have a good long think about what you want. How long have you been together for and how old are the children ?

altmember · 08/09/2021 18:26

@TiredButDancing

You are basically subsidising him because he has to pay mortgage on his previous marital home?

MN always scream about a man having a right to the house - not something I've ever seen in real life - but fair enough, seek legal advice. But this is absolutely 100% ridiculous.

I think if you're living together in a partnership with someone then it should be equal. OP will be paying the same mortgage payments each moth regardless of whether her partner was living there or not, so charging him rent is profiting. She says he pays his share of everything else, which seems pretty fair. So you're either equal and both on the mortgage together or you keep him off the title and don't take anything from him as 'rent' (beyond a nominal amount as wear and tear), as that would just be profiting from him like a landlord would.

RantyAunty · 08/09/2021 19:30

No way would I be making changes for someone you've only been with a little over a year.

Whose idea was it for him to move in?

billy1966 · 09/09/2021 09:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

stakhanovite · 09/09/2021 15:27

@billy1966 really not enjoying your posts on this thread. You're coming across as contemptuous and patronising.

TiredButDancing · 09/09/2021 15:35

I think if you're living together in a partnership with someone then it should be equal.

Sure. except it's not equal. She's paying a mortgage and he's not. I mean, he might be paying a mortgage for his ex wife's house (I have my doubts personally) but she's not getting any benefit from that. While he's getting lots of benefits from her paying her mortgage. so it seems blatantly unfair to me.

SukonthaM · 09/09/2021 15:46

So not only has he bagged himself a free house for him and his daughter, he’s got you paying for renovations so she can have her own room? I don’t get the people saying you should pay as it’s for your benefit. Presumably you have no plans to sell the house, and have no other intentions to fork out for an extra room other than to house his daughter? I disagree that of one partner has a mortgage then the other one shouldn’t have to put anything towards it, everyone needs to pay their way in life. I’d write up a lodgers agreements if it to it to protect my property.

SukonthaM · 09/09/2021 15:49

Had a quick google

Annasgirl · 09/09/2021 15:54

Hi OP,

Whose idea was it for a man who you met 1 year ago to move in with you and your children rent free?

You posted about doubts when you were with him 9 months, why did you move in with him a little bit later?

I really think the conversion is the least of your problems.

billy1966 · 09/09/2021 16:14

@Rainbowchoc

He is splitting the bills with me but not the mortgage, so he doesn't pay any rent. He is still paying half the mortgage on a house he owns with his DD mum. She can't afford to buy him out and he can't force the sale until their DD is 18.

So when his child turns 18 he will have 50% or more equity in a house.

If he lives rent free in your house and pays anything towards it structurally, he could make a claim against YOUR home.

You need to protect your home from this man who is 100 times more financially astute than you are.

He has so much to benefit from living with you, and YOU have so much to lose.

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