Feeling apprehensive about his move

[fastdrying]

Boyfriend of a year has secured new employment. This will
Mean a move for him but will be nearer his children, family
And friends . I am
Delighted for him and excited as he has hated his current job and has been actively
Trying f to relocate since I've known him .
The last year has been wonderful. We are both so happy we have met and enjoy an easy amd mutual relationship .
However ... I am apprehensive. We spend eow together and see one another on alternative weekends . We chat every evening and text throughout day sporadically .
I'm
Worried that everything is going to change .
I can't explain my worries as the distance from each other will be the same so nothing will change as far as eow is concerned , I hope .
Through lockdown we really only had each other as a ' bubble' and loved it but now we have our wings and I'm
Scared this change will damage our relationship .
Should I talk to him? I hate feeling needy but I do have a niggle that everything will change and I'm selfishly sad . Any thoughts or advice?

Yes talk about your concerns with him, moving further away isn't good, you don't spend that much time together as it is, have you discussed future plans such as moving into together one day? Would you be ok living in his new area? I think it's going to be a situation that you have to try and see if it works for you still.

The distance will be the same between us so thankfully that's good.
My children are young and I've no intention of moving in with him until they are either late teens or have left home .
We like our present arrangement and are in no hurry to move on.
I do see us as partners in that we are a good team despite us not living together and so does he .
We are still only 40 minutes drive away from each other and our work hours allow us to spend time together mid week in the evening if we do wish. We often do this . I won't move to his town in the future no. He would move to mine though .

If the distance is still the same then it should still work the same hopefully.

I really hope so thanks.
I really am delighted for him. He has been so lonely on his own through lockdown and literally only saw me for many months . He is close to his family and friends so I think this will be good for his mental health . I guessI'm just selfishly worried.

I am wondering what it is you are worried about. You don’t see each other very often anyway and the distance is not going to be any greater after the move. Therefore the only thing that is changing, seems to be his opportunity to spend time with other people and not be so reliant upon you for his social needs. At least you recognise that it is selfish for you to feel that way, but all you can do now is see how matter progress.

Perhaps that's it! It's been such a strange year in that it's always been just us but this will change I expect.

I get your fears.

New job, new people to meet and socialise with, new opportunities of all kinds. During lockdown, your relationship was 'safe' - no socialising, no new people, no 'threats'... it poses a change to all of this and you don't know how that's going to play out. Will the dynamic between you change?

It is possible to be happy for someone else and also worry about how it will impact on you (singular and plural).

I would speak with him about it. Even if you can't articulate exactly what it is you're worried about.

I think a lot of people whose relationships began during lockdown will be experiencing similar fears about the world opening up again

I think you've articulated exactly what I'm
Feeling @GreyCarpet . I don't want to come across as needy though. We've had a wonderful time since restrictions lifted with our respective friends and family and so far there has been no problems .perhaps I'm catastrophising

The problem is that you're right. You and he were literally in a bubble with only the two of you and then your friends/families. There are no threats there.

You don't know who he is/what he is like in the 'real world' because you've only known him in the bubble.

I don't think it would he needy to say you want to talk to him about this.

Presumably, he knows you're genuinely happy for him. It's not like your response to him getting a new job was, "But what about meeee!"

I think it would be fine to acknowledge that you are pleased for him amd can see all the benefits this new job will give him but also recognise that he has become important to you, things are changing and you just want to talk about the potential impact on you both and your relationship. He probably hasn't even considered it. And hopefully he will put your mind at rest.

We have touched on it. He can't see how this will impact us whatsoever ! He thinks we're in it for the long term and that this is just geography.

I think you have to take him at his word on that then.

The bottom line is, he is who he is and he will do what he is going to do.

None of that is a reflection on you. If he is a decent, loyal man who cares about you and sees you being in it for the long term, then it is just geography. If he's a bit of a player who will seek opportunities when he can find them, then he will say whatever he needs to. Only time will tell which is the case and you will have to ride it out until then.

And there is nothing you can do about that so there is no point dwelling on in.

What does your instinct about him tell you? Honestly, without glossing over any negatives if there are any?

Sorry if that sounds a bit blunt. I'm just quite pragmatic when it comes to things like this!

My instinct tells me that he is mad about me and wants us to succeed at being a couple for the long term.

Then take him at his word

Put it this way, they can't all be arseholes!